Yep... that's right!
I said it... I can't believe that I am
saying it AND meaning it...
but I am!
I admit that I am late in jumping on the Ann Voskamp lovefest,
but I am better for it - late or not.
I can't even remember how I stumbled upon her blog
but it was there that I first read words
that seared my heart and stirred my soul.
After just one taste I knew I needed - yes NEEDED
to read one thousand gifts & count my blessings right along with her.
Sure - I realize that many people
are on Gift #(insert high number here!)
but I am blissfully just starting out...
so I just finished counting Gift #36 today!
I began counting my 'Gifts' on October 1st...
I know - the same day I began doing 31 Days (on each blog)...
the same day I started reading the book...
the same day things began to shift
as I read words that my heart has felt
& dealt with & believed on its own for years.
This woman - whether on her blog or in this book
writes the things my heart has been silently screaming
some for years and some for only months
- but truths that run deep nonetheless!
So - from my One Thousand Gifts journal -
I submit my reason for Falling for Autumn #12 -
Falling Leaves... the Death of a Dream... the Letting Go...
the Hard Eucharisteo:
It's no surprise that it's the last list,
the Hard Eucharisteo, that stands out to me.
Before diving into 'one thousand gifts',
I had come to truly believe in the power
and in walking out the truth of
"He works all things together for good..."
After a hard season, we were beginning
to see things from the other side of it.
But then Ann goes and teaches and bares and rips open deeper...
it's not to be thankful that He cleans up our messes
- even though, thank God, He does!
- it's to honestly be thankful for the hard part
in the midst of the chaotic mess,
because it's in the middle of everywhere
that He holds all things in the nail-scarred palm of His hand
and He whispers to this spinning, racing heart,
"I've got you!"
So - one of my list of 3 Hard Eucharisteo:
(#28) The reaction of a friend.
I'm not sure how you did it, Lord! But You did it.
I am actually THANKFUL for the poor response...
the perceived apparent lack of grace, and love, and support.
It taught me immediately to Shut up!
- to not share the testimony
before it had turned into one.
- to not openly ask for 'prayer'
always assuming Grace was present.
I probably would not have learned it
so quickly, with so little damage,
if the reaction had come from another.
I let this reality sink deep...
I roll it around in my mouth, breathing in
& letting the layers come to life as I drink it down.
Eucharisteo will always come to mind in the Fall
~not simply because it is the season of Thanksgiving~
but because so much of the season looks like it is dying.
Leaves turn from Green
to Yellow and Gold,
Orange and Red,
then they dry,
Crumpled and Brown,
they Fade and Fall.
But really - it is all just part of the process...
part of what is needed for new growth and new life...
it's Glorious, and then it's sad,
but the purpose and the promise remains:
Hope is around the corner.
New Life will spring forth again.
What may appear dead and gone,
is just an illusion!
May it be so, Lord!
May it be so.