October 17, 2007


I love words... I use a lot of them on any given day and as much as I enjoy painting a picture with my words... some times it is just one simple word that can stop me in my tracks. It can be a very basic word or something I have to go look up to get a fresh perspective on... but I love it when God whispers something to my spirit that causes me to run for the dictionary!

Let me tell you - up front - that I am not myself today. We have had a very emotional turbulent week so far and I am honestly exhausted and not in the mood to write. But, you see, I made this deal with God and I have just sort of re-committed myself to it and so I can't really afford to take a day off already... although I am almost certain this post will not actually get posted until I have had some sleep... still, I write...

In the midst of processing this search for the Father's Heart I have also heard whispers and hints about another topic all together... one that I dare say may turn into a book, praise God?! I am wondering now if this means that 'this' book is nearing an end and I need to shift my focus to something all together different... I am unsure. But - He is speaking and for that I am so thankful!

Isn't it just so predictable that as I dive in to seek out the Father's Heart - the enemy jumps in to use circumstances to cause me, once again, to question His love and to fear Him! (Not in a good 'the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom' sort of way - but - in a 'what am I thinking trying to get close to Him' sort of way?!) My husbands' oldest and dearest friend Kevin was found on Monday - the cause of death unknown. We ran over as soon as we heard and of course, we laid hands on him and prayed... I remember a month or so ago, while praying for another person who had been sick and had died, the Lord told me in order to see resurrections, there will have to be some deaths. OK... I get that... that is fine... but I thought that meant that someone would have to die - but then when we prayed - they would get to live again!? I understand that many times, even when we pray in faith for resurrection, the Lord in His Mercy gives the person being prayed for the choice... and as much as we want them raised from the dead and back with us here on earth - we can hardly blame them if they would rather just hang with Jesus. And yet, I have to say - I am getting more and more frustrated... some of it in a good way, and honestly, some of it not so much in a good way. I need to really pray through the thoughts and feelings that follow such a time as this!

The biggest question I have... and the one thing that I want to know - is where is the remnant!?

Where is the Remnant?! Honestly, I want to know.... I know that if God is doing this in me... He is doing it in others! While I can easily go down the Elijah Road of feeling like I am the only one - I know very well that I am not... I know in fact that there are MANY who have more faith than I do that when they lay hands on the sick, they will recover... when they pray for the dead, the dead will rise... I say it is time we all gather and meet for coffee and get some stuff DONE already...

I am weary of waiting - and yet, that is the season we are in! The waiting and being prepared for the coming change season. However, just because we are 'on hold' if you will, the enemy of our souls is not - and he consistently plays dirty and hits below the belt! Now, call me crazy - but as I laid my hands on Kevin's heart and prayed - I could have sworn I felt... (sigh) ...something?!!?!?! A flutter... a few beats... something... after a few minutes I sort of dismissed it as my own nervous pulse... and now, days later, I am not convinced one way or the other... I am just not certain. I have offered to God to go to the funeral home or wherever his body is, and pray more... I am unwilling to give up at this point... and yet - grieving must take place and I feel I have to be careful. Why is it that we are so often more concerned with appearance and offending, than we are with Truth and delivering? I struggle with the whole fear of man, and wanting to please man thing... but I also know that I am in a place where I am willing - but I want to know that it is not my own thoughts - but God's prompting me... because, well - if it's not Him - then why would I want to put myself out there. And here is a thought that stirs me up and causes my breath to catch... what if He is not going to confirm it... what if what He wants is to see us just go with the flow and follow through without always looking for confirmation or agreement? I went through a period of growth in my walk with the Lord where I was constantly laying out a fleece if you will, or asking for confirmation! This is good practice and it is how you grow in knowing that you are hearing Him... but there does come a time when you should just simply recognize His Voice and follow. Just because we have that down in one area does not mean that we have it down in all areas...

As I was praying on Tuesday I began to ask the Lord to raise Kevin up... I do not need to be there... it doesn't have to be my hands... or anyone's' hands for that matter... and I believe and know in my heart that it is not too late!? God is able and He can do it... so the struggle then comes in when I want to once again attempt to force God to answer to me and fill in all the blanks I still have! What He whispered to my spirit in the midst of worship on Tuesday was this:

"It is finished! It has already been established in heaven, one way or the other!"

Now, on one hand, I suppose one could take that to mean that we prayed and he is still dead... it's finished - stop praying! Or, of course, you could go the other route and take that to mean that I have prayed what He has called me to pray and once again, it is not about me... it's all about Him and whether or not it is in His plans to raise Kevin from the dead - that is for Him to know... one way or the other - He has already done it!

He works inside and outside of time... so here is the deal... I trust Him. In whatever He does or doesn't do - I trust Him and know that for whatever reason, He is aware and able to work all things together for good in the long run - the eternity run... and that is what is more important! He will not share His glory! But... glory is due Him and He will get it!

So... "It is finished" to a faith girl... well, that stirs up Scriptures of healing and how it has been accomplished already for us... the atonement has been made and was accepted by the Father and it is finished... nothing more needs to be done for us - other than for us to step into the fulfillment of His promises. And we know if you have been a somewhat consistent reader here, that God has been speaking a lot about Declaring and Decreeing... so that word "Established" is what caught my attention today...

Webster's defines "Establish" like this:
1: to institute (as a law) permanently by enactment or agreement
2 obsolete : settle
3 a: to make firm or stable b: to introduce and cause to grow and multiply
4 a: to bring into existence : found b: bring about, effect
5 a: to put on a firm basis : set up b: to put into a favorable position c: to gain full recognition or acceptance of
6: to make (a church) a national or state institution
7: to put beyond doubt : prove

Hmmm... so, no matter what - it is a good thing to have something be established by the Lord! It is instituted as law, it is settled, firm and stable... it is brought into existence and set up and put in a favorable position... it is put beyond doubt... proven! Those are good things!

We know that God has established His covenant with us. He has established His Kingdom. He has established prophets, kings, and rulers. He has established Israel. He has established His Throne. He has established the sea, the mountains, the whole earth. He established the heavens. I encourage you to do a word study on Establish! I would love to hear what you find or what blesses you as you search the Word!

The Word says, "Believe in the LORD your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper." (2 Chronicles 20:20)

Job 22:28 says "You will also declare a thing, And it will be established for you; So light will shine on your ways."

And lastly, for today, Psalm 40:1-3 reads:

"I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me, And heard my cry.
He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD."

So - I wait... and I trust... how about you? What is established in your life today!? What are some things that you are needing Him to establish? Bring them to Him... and trust Him at His Word!

Sing a new song
...and either way, Lord - Rise Up!!!

October 9, 2007

The Father's Heart...

The Father's Heart... what does that phrase stir up in you? What images first come to mind?

I'll come back to this... first let me give a little update... life has been busy - but good... the busyness of a transition season... full of upcoming change that is still yet unknown. I can FEEL it... I know the winds of change are blowing and I know I need to be ready to follow His lead. We are funny little creatures, us humans... in my flesh I really enjoy thinking I have it figured out and I am all prepared... seldom does the change come in the form or at the speed that I expect it... or feel like I can keep up with it... but one thing we know for sure - changes COMES! I have been busy with work-related projects, which is such a blessing! I was able to finish up an Italy album for a client that I so enjoyed working on! My dream destination vacation is Italy - so to play with photo's taken in the places that I long to visit... you can hardly call that work! I also was crazy busy making pre-made product to have ready at the conference I eluded to in my last post. I was invited to host a 'booth' and sell my product... originally I thought I would pass... what I do really is mostly custom, so I don't normally have things made up ahead of time, and my experience in the past has not been very successful. However, after praying, and asking others to pray, I began to get the crazy idea that God was in fact giving me favor and asking me to lay down all the other things on my plate and make this a priority... this was confirmed through several people and I submitted and was able to stay busy and focused to have quite a spread at the conference. As I was setting up, the feedback from all the women there was so positive, I began to get excited... about 24 hours later, I began to get discouraged. It was a STRONG spirit of discouragement. I was not only discouraged by the lack of sales at my booth, but to be honest - our main speaker was incredible - she is a great writer and her style and 'voice' if you will - well, she is compared to Max Lucado! They referred to her as the 'female Max Lucado'... Hmmm!? That is what my Honey calls me!?? I began to entertain thoughts of discouragement in the form of, "well - at least she is out there - doing what she is called to do!" and "She is able to stay focused and actually WRITE... and travel and speak and what have I done since I felt the Lord call me? Not much!" Yeah... not good to entertain or give place to those thoughts... I know this - and yet - it was honestly what I was dealing with as I ventured into the sanctuary and began to try to silent my thoughts and worship. In the midst of worship, I heard the Lord ask me, "Karri, if you didn't sell one more thing during this conference... but you knew that I am proud of you... If you heard Me say Well Done... would that be enough?" Wow?! Well - to be honest, my first thought was more along the lines of "Do you mean I am going to have to pack it all up and bring it all back home with me?" but I got to "Yes, Lord!" rather quickly! Of course He is enough! I had to struggle with why He would call me to do all that work and spend the money in the first place if He was not going to give me favor to sell at least most of it... but once again - He does not answer to me... and knowing that I did the task He set before me and I did it in a way that pleased Him... that was enough! I ended up selling over half of my stock on hand and I was able to promote my business, hand out countless business cards, and I did get two custom orders. So - in the end, it was worth it in the natural and the spiritual! I have just completed one of the custom orders, and am almost ready to begin the second project. Oh - I didn't tell you - after the worship time when He spoke to me, our speaker got up and basically, very powerfully and eloquently said, Is He enough for you!? If you get no recognition, no applause, is He enough? Wow!? Yes, Lord!

The following Tuesday I was SO looking forward to prayer, having missed it the week before! I just adore my ladies there and the Presence and Favor that we experience there! It is an open heaven type atmosphere and He visits us every time! He is so faithful! I love how every one of the ladies that come had a part and brings a piece of what He is saying... during the worship time I had a vision and was going to try to draw it and scan it... but I will spare you my artwork and try to describe it with my tool of choice... words! In the vision I saw two people (from the knees down) standing on what appeared to be two rocks. There was a woman standing in a flowing white gown, and I understood this to the the Bride of Christ... I could see her bare feet with her train blowing in the breeze... she was standing on a large rock but it seemed like she was preparing to jump over to the Son of Man... I could see a garment flowing and His crucified feet firmly planted on the Rock that He was standing on. There was quite a space in between the two stones and it would take a leap of faith for her to attempt to jump and cross over! As I panned down in the vision, I saw that there was in fact a cross bridging the gap between the rocks but it was below her line of vision. I also noticed that on the rock which she was standing, there were words etched into the Rock... words like, "Knowledge of the Word," "Ability," "Anointing," "Past Successes," "Calling," etc.! Then I looked over to the Rock upon which Jesus stood and His Rock has words like, "The Word," "Grace," "Truth," "Love," "Freedom," "Forgiveness," "Victory," etc. I could see that this Bride appeared to be standing on a firm foundation - but as I looked down I could see this Rock getting smaller and smaller at the bottom and I saw the enemy's foot in ready position to kick it all out from under her. She had replaced The Word, with Knowledge of the Word... she has replaced His abilities and His success alone, with her own abilities and past successes. She was standing on and leaning on the Calling and Anointing that did in fact come from Him... but it was mixed in with her identity and watered down by her own experiences - both victories and failures alike. At this point, she was bold enough to leap and she landed in the Arms of Jesus... she wrapped her arms around His neck and leaned in on Him. He held her close and whispered encouragement into her heart. He held her for a time... for a season, and then He went to put her down on the Rock. She did that thing - I don't know if you know what I am talking about, but if you are a Mom or a Grandma, or have been around toddlers at all - you will know... she did that thing where her feet just sort of disappeared and he could not set her down. She was unwilling to let go and be let down. He held her for a bit longer - but I heard Him tell her, "This is your time! I will stand with you... but you MUST STAND on your own now!" (end of vision) I sensed that the Lord was saying that this season of change is coming - no matter what season you have been in... it is time to step up and stand on your own - WITH Him! If you have found yourself standing on your own - without Him lately... take the leap - He will catch you! But there is coming a time and an hour when we will each be released to stand on our own two feet.

So - back to the Father's Heart... did you think about what you envision when you hear those words!? For me - even after all these years - it is a sense of apprehension. I heard the Lord whisper to my heart for days, "Seek the Father's Heart! It is time to seek the Father's Heart!" So - I am seeking it out... I am naively ready to seek Him out and search for His heart. I have known the Heart of the Spirit... to reveal all things. I know the Heart of my Bridegroom - longing for His Bride. I think I have been a bit reluctant to seek after the Father's Heart because of human experience. I have, of course, grown and trusted Him and I know that if I have the Son, I have the Father also! I am blessed to have an amazingly godly husband who is not only a father, but a Daddy to our child. In watching him with her, I have learned much and longed to be closer to my father on earth, and my Father in Heaven. I thought I was drawing closer and I was... but I was using my husband as my example, and I related to him, of course, as my husband! So, I have had a wonderful intimate season with the Lord - drawing close to my Bridegroom Savior. The Lord... (and by 'the Lord' - I mean all three of those guys!) want intimacy! So - I feel I need to purposefully seek out the Heart of the Father in this new season!

That brings us to today - and I will try to wrap this up quickly... during our prayer time, I saw myself dancing with Jesus... as in Dancing with the Stars... and at the Judges table was God the Father. We were dancing and I could tell that I was very focused, counting off steps and keeping in position. I could feel that Jesus wanted me to look Him in the eye - but I resisted and kept perfect form... elbow up, neck stiff, head turned away from Him... and then I heard in my spirit, "The Father's Heart does not judge you on technicalities!" Sometimes, we strive for perfection and our focus is on all the technical points and hitting the mark that we can often miss the heart of the dance!

I pray He dances with you this week... and God grant you the boldness to look Him in the eye and feel the Love He has for you! For it pleases the Father to see the love you have for His Son!


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