The Father's Heart...

The Father's Heart... what does that phrase stir up in you? What images first come to mind?

I'll come back to this... first let me give a little update... life has been busy - but good... the busyness of a transition season... full of upcoming change that is still yet unknown. I can FEEL it... I know the winds of change are blowing and I know I need to be ready to follow His lead. We are funny little creatures, us humans... in my flesh I really enjoy thinking I have it figured out and I am all prepared... seldom does the change come in the form or at the speed that I expect it... or feel like I can keep up with it... but one thing we know for sure - changes COMES! I have been busy with work-related projects, which is such a blessing! I was able to finish up an Italy album for a client that I so enjoyed working on! My dream destination vacation is Italy - so to play with photo's taken in the places that I long to visit... you can hardly call that work! I also was crazy busy making pre-made product to have ready at the conference I eluded to in my last post. I was invited to host a 'booth' and sell my product... originally I thought I would pass... what I do really is mostly custom, so I don't normally have things made up ahead of time, and my experience in the past has not been very successful. However, after praying, and asking others to pray, I began to get the crazy idea that God was in fact giving me favor and asking me to lay down all the other things on my plate and make this a priority... this was confirmed through several people and I submitted and was able to stay busy and focused to have quite a spread at the conference. As I was setting up, the feedback from all the women there was so positive, I began to get excited... about 24 hours later, I began to get discouraged. It was a STRONG spirit of discouragement. I was not only discouraged by the lack of sales at my booth, but to be honest - our main speaker was incredible - she is a great writer and her style and 'voice' if you will - well, she is compared to Max Lucado! They referred to her as the 'female Max Lucado'... Hmmm!? That is what my Honey calls me!?? I began to entertain thoughts of discouragement in the form of, "well - at least she is out there - doing what she is called to do!" and "She is able to stay focused and actually WRITE... and travel and speak and what have I done since I felt the Lord call me? Not much!" Yeah... not good to entertain or give place to those thoughts... I know this - and yet - it was honestly what I was dealing with as I ventured into the sanctuary and began to try to silent my thoughts and worship. In the midst of worship, I heard the Lord ask me, "Karri, if you didn't sell one more thing during this conference... but you knew that I am proud of you... If you heard Me say Well Done... would that be enough?" Wow?! Well - to be honest, my first thought was more along the lines of "Do you mean I am going to have to pack it all up and bring it all back home with me?" but I got to "Yes, Lord!" rather quickly! Of course He is enough! I had to struggle with why He would call me to do all that work and spend the money in the first place if He was not going to give me favor to sell at least most of it... but once again - He does not answer to me... and knowing that I did the task He set before me and I did it in a way that pleased Him... that was enough! I ended up selling over half of my stock on hand and I was able to promote my business, hand out countless business cards, and I did get two custom orders. So - in the end, it was worth it in the natural and the spiritual! I have just completed one of the custom orders, and am almost ready to begin the second project. Oh - I didn't tell you - after the worship time when He spoke to me, our speaker got up and basically, very powerfully and eloquently said, Is He enough for you!? If you get no recognition, no applause, is He enough? Wow!? Yes, Lord!

The following Tuesday I was SO looking forward to prayer, having missed it the week before! I just adore my ladies there and the Presence and Favor that we experience there! It is an open heaven type atmosphere and He visits us every time! He is so faithful! I love how every one of the ladies that come had a part and brings a piece of what He is saying... during the worship time I had a vision and was going to try to draw it and scan it... but I will spare you my artwork and try to describe it with my tool of choice... words! In the vision I saw two people (from the knees down) standing on what appeared to be two rocks. There was a woman standing in a flowing white gown, and I understood this to the the Bride of Christ... I could see her bare feet with her train blowing in the breeze... she was standing on a large rock but it seemed like she was preparing to jump over to the Son of Man... I could see a garment flowing and His crucified feet firmly planted on the Rock that He was standing on. There was quite a space in between the two stones and it would take a leap of faith for her to attempt to jump and cross over! As I panned down in the vision, I saw that there was in fact a cross bridging the gap between the rocks but it was below her line of vision. I also noticed that on the rock which she was standing, there were words etched into the Rock... words like, "Knowledge of the Word," "Ability," "Anointing," "Past Successes," "Calling," etc.! Then I looked over to the Rock upon which Jesus stood and His Rock has words like, "The Word," "Grace," "Truth," "Love," "Freedom," "Forgiveness," "Victory," etc. I could see that this Bride appeared to be standing on a firm foundation - but as I looked down I could see this Rock getting smaller and smaller at the bottom and I saw the enemy's foot in ready position to kick it all out from under her. She had replaced The Word, with Knowledge of the Word... she has replaced His abilities and His success alone, with her own abilities and past successes. She was standing on and leaning on the Calling and Anointing that did in fact come from Him... but it was mixed in with her identity and watered down by her own experiences - both victories and failures alike. At this point, she was bold enough to leap and she landed in the Arms of Jesus... she wrapped her arms around His neck and leaned in on Him. He held her close and whispered encouragement into her heart. He held her for a time... for a season, and then He went to put her down on the Rock. She did that thing - I don't know if you know what I am talking about, but if you are a Mom or a Grandma, or have been around toddlers at all - you will know... she did that thing where her feet just sort of disappeared and he could not set her down. She was unwilling to let go and be let down. He held her for a bit longer - but I heard Him tell her, "This is your time! I will stand with you... but you MUST STAND on your own now!" (end of vision) I sensed that the Lord was saying that this season of change is coming - no matter what season you have been in... it is time to step up and stand on your own - WITH Him! If you have found yourself standing on your own - without Him lately... take the leap - He will catch you! But there is coming a time and an hour when we will each be released to stand on our own two feet.

So - back to the Father's Heart... did you think about what you envision when you hear those words!? For me - even after all these years - it is a sense of apprehension. I heard the Lord whisper to my heart for days, "Seek the Father's Heart! It is time to seek the Father's Heart!" So - I am seeking it out... I am naively ready to seek Him out and search for His heart. I have known the Heart of the Spirit... to reveal all things. I know the Heart of my Bridegroom - longing for His Bride. I think I have been a bit reluctant to seek after the Father's Heart because of human experience. I have, of course, grown and trusted Him and I know that if I have the Son, I have the Father also! I am blessed to have an amazingly godly husband who is not only a father, but a Daddy to our child. In watching him with her, I have learned much and longed to be closer to my father on earth, and my Father in Heaven. I thought I was drawing closer and I was... but I was using my husband as my example, and I related to him, of course, as my husband! So, I have had a wonderful intimate season with the Lord - drawing close to my Bridegroom Savior. The Lord... (and by 'the Lord' - I mean all three of those guys!) want intimacy! So - I feel I need to purposefully seek out the Heart of the Father in this new season!

That brings us to today - and I will try to wrap this up quickly... during our prayer time, I saw myself dancing with Jesus... as in Dancing with the Stars... and at the Judges table was God the Father. We were dancing and I could tell that I was very focused, counting off steps and keeping in position. I could feel that Jesus wanted me to look Him in the eye - but I resisted and kept perfect form... elbow up, neck stiff, head turned away from Him... and then I heard in my spirit, "The Father's Heart does not judge you on technicalities!" Sometimes, we strive for perfection and our focus is on all the technical points and hitting the mark that we can often miss the heart of the dance!

I pray He dances with you this week... and God grant you the boldness to look Him in the eye and feel the Love He has for you! For it pleases the Father to see the love you have for His Son!

Blessings,
~Karrilee~