Whew - it has been a DAY, ya'll! I was asked at the last minute (Wed night!) to paint a 'theme' piece for a Prayer Mosaic evening that I am participating in on Friday night (-that's TONIGHT!) Sure... sure, I can paint not one but eight paintings (in one) by Friday... because, of course! Here's the deal though - I didn't even consider saying No! You see, I am co-leading this art group and, well... it's making me actually DO stuff! So without hesitation, I said yes! Which means Thursday was spent sketching and praying and painting... (all, which helped in busying my thoughts and keeping my mind off the fact that my girlie is moving out today. Yes, today!)
Oh but - first - the fine print: if you don't know what FMF is! Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker. It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE! The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at 10pm Thursday night (EST.) I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!
{GO}
That was not the case for us. No, we feel like we somehow snuck in one whole extra year!
Last night, another 'last. night.' - and she is laying, head in my lap, as I play with her hair and tickle her back and we are watching some comedy show and both sitting there, crying. Because - of course... how can we not feel All the Feelings and try to feel Nothing at the same exact time.
Suck it up... push it aside... life goes on (or so they say.)
And she falls asleep on the couch, again. And we go to bed, trying to get her to go to her room... and I kiss her good night and say that I will see her in the morning and my voice gets caught in my throat and the tears threaten to spill out once again and I realize that this right here? This is another end to a season and life does go on... and it will be good, but it will be different and as much as we like to talk about leaning in and embracing change, we are new to it too and it has never (so far) been easy!
So I awake to today... moving day. And I am determined to be strong, to celebrate the new with her because it IS good and exciting and time... and still, there is not enough coffee to shake this reality: she will come back, yes; but this is the last morning she wakes up here and 'home' is still me!
There is nothing that prepares you for Motherhood. Not enough books and advice or knowledge to be gained ahead of time. You learn the rhythm of being a Mama by the day in, day out beating of hearts finding their own song... and just when you think you've got it down... well, a bridge. A new verse.
Just because they grow up and get tall and find their own way... their own dreams... their own new addresses- that doesn't mean that we ever stop feeling all the feelings; that we ever stop knowing all the words and the meaning of their chorus...
And whether they are here, safe under our own roof - right where we tucked them in, or they are out on their own, finding their way - sometimes choosing right, sometimes choosing wrong...
Nothing can ever make us stop being Mama... nothing will make me ever stop singing her song!
{STOP}
So... sigh... that was rough! And lest you think my Nearly All Grown Up Girlie is moving across the country or the world, I will reluctantly admit that she will be literally less than 5 minutes away... Still, baby steps to a whole new season!
Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts! Click here to read what others have to say about "NOTHING"
Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts! Click here to read what others have to say about "NOTHING"
Aw, man. I feel for you, proud mama! My kids are very young still- 2 and 5, but I am already amazed at how quickly the time passes. I blinked and my oldest son was starting kindergarten. But you are right, you will always be her mom and have that special bond with her. Thanks for sharing your story. It's a lovely reminder for me to treasure each and every moment. Hang in there! She'll be back before you know it. :-)
ReplyDeleteAbby- thanks so much for stopping by! Time really does seem to speed up somehow! (I will say that she texted me first thing this morning after her roommates all left for work... she asked us to come over so we spent the day with her getting her all settled in! Treasure each moment... even the hard ones... they all add up quick!
DeleteThese are difficult days for mamas and yes, for papas too although they don't like to admit it. I remember the day my only baby left home. I had done a last load of laundry to make sure all his clothes were going with him. Clean and folded, I took them into his bedroom and looked at the starkness in that space. I sat down on the bed we would soon breakdown and send off with him, and I bawled like I had never bawled before. Even now, the thought of being in a different town or state from him makes my skin crawl and my tears well. You said it so well, "Nothing prepares us for motherhood." Bless you for loving your girl and for your tears. And here's a hug to take with you today. Dropping in from FMF.
ReplyDeleteOh see... my girlie? She is brilliant... she bought all new furniture so her room is anything but stark and empty! She only brought her clothes with her... maybe a FEW other things but she has made us promise that at least until after Christmas - her room will stay the same! LOL! Thanks for the hug... I was feeling the love and prayers all day yesterday! Glad you stopped by!
DeleteI can relate to your post. My middle son got married last Saturday. My youngest is a rising senior in high school. My oldest is getting married in November. Nothing prepared me but Jesus is giving me strength. Often I challenge His will and authority, things don't always go my way but nothing makes me want to be obedient to His design for my life. I love how sweet and close you are to your daughter. Bless you! Cindy your FMF "neighbor"
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Cindy! So glad you popped on over for a visit! That is a lot of change in just a few short years! Praying for you and your Mama heart, my friend!
DeleteAmazing capture of your weeks of moments as life moves you both forward....ever loving and honoring each other you will find so much strength in each other as you are both feeling your way to something new, yet always familiar. God Bless you both my daughter and granddaughter!
ReplyDeleteThanks Mom!!! We are pretty blessed... we don't take it for granted! (And she loved her own pitcher of Grandma's Iced Tea!)
DeleteOh sweetie how I feel so much for you. I have walked this road once already and still have to face once more. I am not sure you ever get used to not knowing their comings and goings of each day. I'll pass on advise that was given to me : pray over them in the morning and know that God loves and cares for them far more than we do. Trust them to His hands. Love ya and will be praying for you in this time of change.
ReplyDeleteAmy - I know... and I am so thankful that others have walked this road ahead of me... and survived it! ;) Of course, it's strange that she lives somewhere else now - but really, she's been gone for a week at a time, several times for church camp or school trips, etc. The real test comes in a week or a month... pray for me then! ;) Love you!
DeleteOf course I just love this - I feel as if I were just there - hovering on the edge of that room - seeing the love flow between you all. My heart is aching for you - this good thing, it's still so hard to. But you've been building to this for so long. And she has such a strong foundation to fly from. She's going to do so well. Besides, I need you to let me know how this goes, and what the ropes are, because in fewer years than I'm ready for, I may be writing a similar post and I will need so much grace when it's time for mine to fly free. Love you so!
ReplyDeleteOh sweet friend... let me tell ya, I am quite certain it helps when they move in baby steps and only 5 minutes away at first! ;) She even texted me this morning because she had the whole house to herself and she wanted me to come help her settle in! And of course... there is that bookshelf that needs a Daddy to assemble it apparently! ;) As I mentioned in a comment above... it's in a month that I will need the prayers... when this doesn't feel like a really long sleep over anymore, but our new normal!
DeleteAs my nearly five year old daughter asks me to read something to her. I once again soak in the knowledge that I am so blessed to be her mama (and mama to her little brother and sister too.) I want to treasure all the moments with my children. I love reminders from those who are a little further along in the journey than me. I hope you have a blessed weekend. :-)
ReplyDeleteOh yes - Jo Rose - I know everyone says it, but it's just so true - time seems to speed up as they get older and it can make you wish that you hadn't blinked! Treasure those Littles... but I promise you, you will treasure them still - even when they are not so little anymore!
DeleteTime just flies with our kiddos. My daughter is only eight, but every year seems to go by even faster than the last. And nothing prepares you for letting them fly with their own two wings. A great reminder for us parents who aren't quite to that point yet, but see it coming. The sweet and sad all mixed in one.
ReplyDeleteSara... thanks so much for stopping by! Yes - time flies... drink in each season, for they all hold blessings to be treasured!
DeleteAnd we did write about the same thing—how nothing can prepare you for parenthood—but while I looked back to the beginning, you've given me a preview of what Julia and I will face in 10 years when our eight-year-old is eighteen. I can't stop it coming now matter how hard I try and it will be here before I'm ready (because I'll never be ready). But she'll always be my daughter no matter what. Blessings to you Karrilee!
ReplyDeleteDavid... it's true! Somehow we both went in the same direction with the prompt! I always love when that happens! You will blink and feel like time flew by too quickly... but you will love every season - even the hard ones... because, as you said, no matter their age (or address!) - they will always be our daughters!
DeleteI'm so glad for you that she's only going to be 5 minutes away! I feel like you will be strong in The Lord, but that doesn't mean it will be easy! I *might* have a breakdown. Maybe. ;)
ReplyDeleteHeather - yes... Grace and Mercy that she is still so close! Otherwise... well, we may have had to relocate? ;) We can do hard things! Even the letting go parts! After all - what we really want is to see them fly, right?
DeleteAmen to that, girlfriend!
DeleteOh friend, I understand this season. Mine never went off to school, at least not the older ones. But I remember the day after my daughter got married I was staying up really late. Hubs came downstairs and asked me, half asleep, to come to bed. I told him I was waiting or Alyssa to come home. Oh I had forgotten that she wouldn't be coming home to her own bed. Yikes! Oh so thankful that your girlie will be close by. I know this season of letting go. Yes it will be hard and good all at the same time. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteIt IS hard and good at the same time! It helps to have friends... sisters, who have already walked the road and can assure me it will be alright! This first week or two shouldn't hit too hard... she's been away on vacations and camps before... it's when it sinks in that she is not coming home... that 'home' is somewhere else that I will need some prayer, hugs, and chocolate! Of course - even in typing that, I know we will always be home to her!
DeleteSigh. And to think He loves them more than we do. A-mazing. Feeling your mom heart tonight as you move forward. It's ALL good!!! Blessings
ReplyDeleteSeriously... it truly IS amazing!!! Thanks so much for stopping by Lisa!
DeleteYou can do it! I'm so glad that she's close, and excited that she's spreading her wings. I'll keep you in my prayers as you transition through this crazy time. And you're right--nothing can ever take away your mama feelings and that's a good thing!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Anita! I appreciate the prayers! As I already stated... I think I will need them more in about two weeks - when it all sinks in! ;)
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