I blame/thank The Nester... and now my hubby does, too!

So last year at the Allume Blogging Conference, I attended a workshop with Chad and Myquillyn Smith.  Sure, I had visited her gorgeous blog, Nesting Place and I knew who she was... to be honest, mostly I knew she was Emily Freemans' sister and I am nothing if not the most non-threathening stalker, ...no, fan-girl, ...no, reader of All Things Emily.

No big deal: I got to pray with Myquillyn before the workshop and then I fell in love with her because of her... not because of her sister, or her awesome decorating mojo, or anything else other than the fact that she is awesomely real.  Like, bravely, boldly real. (Maybe shaky-kneed, sure - but nonetheless, honest!)  Included in all the Swag was a teaser for her new book, The Nesting Place and so the wait began.

Art in her Life - An Interview with Emily P. Freeman

I am trying to recall when or where I first became obsessed fell in love with Emily Freeman... and I mean that in the most non-creepy, mostly non-stalkerish way, of course!

Adorable, right?                                      

It may have been over at Incourage.me on the blog where I first read her share about being a bench, or it could have been in her own space over at Chatting at the Sky for my favorite (semi)monthly link up of "What I Learned..." - a random list of useful and not-so-useful things that we have discovered through out a month.  Either way, I fell for her Realness... her Grace... her Quirky sense of humor and of course - God love the lists! The way she hooks us up with books and music and all sorts of lovely!

I am co-leading an Incourager Community Group this summer called #ArtinYourLife and much of what we wanted to cover in our gatherings can be found in her book, A Million Little Ways where the subtitle is "Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live." Um, yes please!  So - because I had the awkward fangirl chance to meet Emily briefly last year at Allume, I was volunteered to contact her and see if she would be willing to play along with answering some questions from the ladies in our Group.

Emily was then, and is now, full of grace and she agreed to let us ask away! So below are the questions that some of our members had for her. These are things that you just may be wondering about as well, and I am thrilled and honored to have her Grace and Wisdom offered up here for us all!

A Mighty God - Five Minute Friday

When you have been limiting your screen time and aren't quite sure if your eyes are being healed or if you are just getting used to looking 'around' distractions and you are fighting a bit of a headache and should probably just take out your contacts and close your eyes and rest - and you've already 'been to' a Twitter party this week that you weren't supposed to go to anyway but you remember that it is Thursday night and somehow --somehow-- the house is empty again and you have no one to boss you around or point you away from a screen... yeah... that. (As if it's good for me to stay away? Pshh!)

Oh but - first - the fine print: if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at 10pm Thursday night (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Five Minute Friday - The Word Prompt is: MIGHTY

{GO}

 So those two place right up there... yeah, those are my two favorite places to encounter a Mighty God.  

At the beach because, well - hello?  How can one not feel small and yet so very safe in the palm of His hand when you remember that you cannot count the sand or the stars and He is the One who tells the waves where to go... I feel held there on the shoreline... like He is awesome and mighty and with Him, I can do - anything... (as long as my feet are secure on the sand, anyway! Whatever... I'm getting over it!)

And in the midst of Worship... it can be a big gathering with lights and screens (like above, at Bethel) or small and accoustic with candles and quiet (like in our living room with friends!) ...it's in worship that I remember that He is here - right here, waiting for me to breathe Him in! I remember again that He is always awesome and mighty and that with Him, I can do anything! (Yes... I forget again and again and am so thankful for the reminders!)

I have this pretty amazing friend... she just oozes grace and encouragement and real and passion and she is beautiful in all the ways we long to be... I had the honor of meeting her in real life at Allume last Fall, but really - our kindred hearts had already connected through these interwebs and we were bonded as Mama's and friends.  

You see, she is having this baby in just 'four sleeps' now and we are all giddy with excitement because we know how He pours out through her and how He loves so big and how He has such amazing plans that we can't even know yet... 

We are standing at the seaside, toes in sand and holding hands, ready to jump a few waves together... asking you to join us!

We are in worship of the Father who has called and equipped us to be Mama's and Sisters and Mighty Warriors and Carriers of His Love.  We are bowing down and raising hands and offering hearts to the King who is a Mighty mighty God... and we are inviting you to sing along!

Sing with us the song of how we are - every one of us - surprised by motherhood. This is Lisa-Jo's story... her journey... but it is all of us.

{STOP}

...it is all of us and whether you are a Mama, you have a Mama, or you are blessed and challenged by Mama's all around you - this book will bless! It will make you laugh out loud, wish for red dirt clay, thirst for a cup of tea with only a table between us, and cry that ugly cry that releases healing and grace!  I have only begun reading it myself, but already I can say quite confidently, this book may just make you mother better while taking off all the pressure (to do and be All the Things)... 

Order your copy of Surprised by Motherhood on Tuesday, April 1st (Because, of course!) and join this community!  We have chocolate at the ready... come on in!

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts! Click here to read what others have to say about "MIGHTY"  

That Thing I Do Now - Vol 30

Between last weekend, and my Sole Hope Shoe Cutting Party, and this weekend with hosting an If:Local Gathering - I have not been on The Internet a whole lot this week.  Because, you know, I am busy not stressing out and not looking on Pinterest. (Really... this is truth... on both points - uh, mostly!) Still - it's taking a lot of time to not do those things somehow?

So - here is a slightly smaller gathering... praying for this weekend for all of the If:Gatherings happening, in Austin, TX and all over the planet; Believing that, as Sarah Bessey states, "Aslan is on the move!"

Happy Weekend and Happy Reading!

* This one by Ann Voskamp... how it made me want to hold my own Mama's hand on the shore... or just from across a table. How it made me oh so grateful that, at least for now, I CAN... "When you wake to losing someone, you win love.  When you realize that what you have, you will lose —  you win real eyes. You win grateful joy."

* This post by Michele-Lyn Ault over at A Surrendered Life, on When You Think What Yo Do Doesn't Count. "Size has little relevance in the the Kingdom of God, in God’s eyes. We put the relevance on size. He wasn’t asking me to embrace a small success. He was asking me to embrace a quiet one."

* This post by Jamie Wright over at The Very Worst Missionary on how Grace Waits. "It's a clumsy kind of Grace, to be sure. But it's there, ever present, relentless, loving, hopeful and redemptive, rolling with the punches, slowly and gently building a better woman in me."

* This one from Saskia Wishart over at SheLoves Magazine on The Prayer That Connects (plus - bonus - a chance to sow!) "...'Your kingdom come, your will be done.'  The sound rises up stronger, a mish-mash of memorised translations, accents and tones. This is a picture of that kingdom, this room full of translations and accents and tones.  'On Earth as it is in Heaven' ..."

* Ya'll know I love me my Five Minute Fridays... (that, yes, start on Thursday nights over on Twitter!) and there are always LOTS of Awesome to found in that link up... this week? My sweet friend Ashley Larkin nails it with the Word Prompt: Write. "Like playing in the snow, writing is effort, and it is joy."

* And oh my stars... in case you missed the announcement this week, here is the line up of speakers and session leaders for Allume 2014. (It's good, ya'll! Really, really good!)

* This post right HERE from Abiding Love, Abounding Grace on What You Most Want to Hear on Those Very Bad Days. "When the whispering lies of a shouting enemy make you deaf to the still small Voice of love, how does one break through? What reminders are needed on those kinds of days?"

Lastly... A video... because that's how we DO!
I tap this out with trembling, hesitant fingers... saying - this... I am feeling pulled to artistry like this... "Come Closer"

"Come Closer... Walk through this with me... There's a doorknob blowing like chance before you. Grab it, turn, and pull, swing, step through..." ~Anis Mojgani

What did I miss? Did you find anything Amazing online this week that I didn't list here? As usual, link it in the comments and share the love!  

Glistening Hope...

I am a worshiper... hands down. (well... uh - up, really!  Hands lifted up!)

I, a writer and lover of words, can get lost in a lyric and be brought into His Presence in 3 seconds flat.  It's my favorite way to settle myself and calm my mind... to silence my thoughts and re-center my focus. 

I need it.

I am other things too, of course! 

I am an intercessor... I love to pray. I have a gift of faith and will come into agreement with His Word and believe for miracles before I have finished my first cup of coffee.  It's part of my DNA.  

I have felt a call from God to live out consistently the 'tagline' if you will that He spelled out for me over the last several years... no matter what I do, who I am with, or where He leads me - every day, I am to 

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.

Some days this flows naturally and it is easy (and I will admit that I have the luxury of working from home and so often, on those days - I have not left my front door!) On other days, it is more of a challenge - but one I am trying to stay aware of and rise up to meet on a consistent basis.

So when worship, and prayer, and speaking life (at least to myself) gets tough... I have learned to stop and pay attention.

I wrote recently about my Allume experience and how I felt a little disappointed.  I had high hopes of really pouring out and for whatever reasons (some my own, some the enemies, and some His doing!) that didn't feel like it was accomplished. I came home unsure... foggy... and feeling a little let down.  

I didn't really want to spend time with Him... I wasn't in the mood for worship or praying.  I began to question if I hear from God ...if He could be trusted with my whole heart afterall... if He had any real intention of using me anywhere, ever, ever again!

I felt so invisible... and I've been shelved before... I have had a season of laying down giftings and ministry and having to walk away.  Coming to the conclusion that it's ok if I am never asked to minister in that way again.  It was a long and painful Getting There and I don't want to go around that mountain again! So I pray... and I ask Him to help me understand what the purpose was behind my less than stellar experience (and the lingering heavy after-effects!)

It was by no accident that He began luring me back to His heart through worship.  I fought it... yeah, I can be stubborn like that and I was having a few trust issues with Him. I know that sounds silly - but it is true.  It is true - but it is not TRUTH... and knowing the difference is what helped me to not harden my heart and to lean IN anyway!

I gave myself a little grace and a few days of pouting... I allowed myself days of quiet, but not quiet time - if you know what I mean!  And then... when my heart was ready to be opened up again - I turned to worship.  It's a powerful familiar tool that brings me right on in to His Presence.  

It bows me down and lifts me up and while I tend to want to be prostrate... if I linger long enough, He always asks me to look up... to look into... to see and to be seen. 


(Ironic, yes?)

But I am ready... or at least I know I need to be and so I give in a little sooner than I want, and I bow down and give Him praise anyway...  even when my heart is not completely feeling like I am in agreement with the words that my lips are singing... I sing it out all the more because while they don't feel true... I know that the words are Truth and oh how I need them!

Then our meeting flows from worship music to Word and how the speaker quotes Francis Frangipane in saying something about how if there is any area in your life 'that doesn't glisten with hope, then you are believing a lie and that area is a stronghold of the devil in your life' and oh how I could feel the ties that bind getting tighter!  

I'm almost afraid to ask... the idea is to pray and ask God if there is an area... ask Him to shed light on the lie... to restore hope, and who doesn't want that?

But Glisten?  That's a lot of hope!  I like to think that I am a faith girl... encouraging and sparkly - shining bright for Jesus... but do I GLISTEN?

When I think of 'glisten', I think of persperation and a little hard work and who among us hasn't had to fight to hang on to a little hope?

Sometimes it's easy and we're blessed and we know it!  We count on with ease...

And sometimes it's a battle and a choice and when we are willing to do the work and stand on His side, victorious, we shine... we glisten...

The evening service went on as God began to shift and shed light and speak to me.  My doubts were being washed away and He was assuring me once again that He has a plan and He is never unaware.  

Towards the end of the meeting I encountered God and with my eyes closed, I 'saw' Him gave me two things... first, Jesus handed me a gift to unwrap. It was a megaphone that was 'blank' - all plain white on the outside, but it came with markers to write on it - and use it! He whispered, "I've given you a voice!"

Then, I saw the Father lean in and He whispered straight into my heart.  Among other (personal) things, He said that I was a reflection of His heart and His Joy and He said that He is calling me to be a mirror of Him to those who feel invisible.

Aaaah- and there it is! 

With that one visual, I found peace. I found understanding and comfort in knowing that my feeling invisible at Allume was not punishment or merely an attack... it was for a greater purpose and oh how we like to forget that sometimes that He chooses to teach us these Truths through hard lessons! That everything He asks of us is not always fun or easy!

Another definition of Glisten is: 'to give off a sparkling or lustrous reflection of...'  
Hmmm... to mirror.  To Shine.

One of the (many) benefits of living Free is that you recognize sooner when you are not walking in freedom!  The choice is still yours what you will do with that knowledge but it's for freedom that we've been set free! 

I knew I was pushing God away... I knew I was not leaning IN... I knew I was believing a lie... I knew what felt true, and what (Who) was Truth were not matching up.  

It felt familiar... that building up a wall of self-protection.  I've been there before... but you build and build and find yourself locked in, and locked out, on the wrong side.  

Sometimes it requires work to dismantel a lie... to tear down a wall.  But if you are willing, you just may discover along with a bit of persperation, you will find a little Glistening Hope being restored!

(...and who doesn't want that?)




Linking up with Barbie over at The Weekend Brew

In which I'm still processing my Allume Experience

Allume...

 ~ even the mere mention of it stirs up love and excitement... all the thoughts of Kindred and Community swirl around in my heart and I forgot to even really be nervous!

I didn't plan ahead for that... 

I knew it would go by too fast and while I loved the reality of hugging necks and making eye contact in the flesh -as much as I loved the IDEA of long talks over coffee or sitting in corners for hours at a time- I didn't really give in to those hopes!  I guess I assumed that I loved all the same people that everyone else surely would want face to face time with.  I figured everyone would be after that as well and I didn't want to put any pressure or expectations on friends I was just meeting in real life.  I wanted to honor and trust that God would orchestrate the connections I was meant to make... (I just thought some of them would be the connections I was wanting too!)  I didn't want to be one more in a long line of bloggers wanting to meet so desperately that you would walk away drained and empty. I forgot that when we pour out, He fills up... and so I missed out on some of those opportunities - not wanting to take only, and forgetting that I can give!

When the opportunity first arose for me to attend Allume this year, it didn't feel real. I wasn't sure I could trust it... but I leaned in and prayed.  We are not normally cross-country travelers, and we live paycheck to paycheck... but God made a way and as soon as I saw His hand in it, I settled in my heart that other than a handful of friends I longed to hug proper in real life, what I MOST WANTED for my Allume experience was to be able to be a blessing... to pour out more than I attempted to drink in.  This was my hearts' desire and yet I forgot that I had anything to give...  So this is where it gets real and messy and hard.

I'm not convinced that that happened... I feel a  little  lot frustrated about it all.  I feel like I somehow missed out on much of what Allume is all about and what it offers and so I am praying for clarity and processing and asking Him to show me my part in what went wrong.

But please hear my heart:  No matter my own lack luster experience, I ADORE Allume and I highly recommend it!  As hard as it was on me, there were a LOT of great moments that I am oh so thankful for! So - let's start with a few of those...

From the TOP down, ya'll - the Allume Team is Ah - MAY - Zing!!! They rock and they really are all about community and Kingdom, and I love them! They speak my language and live my tagline... They really do Speak Life, (are) Be(ing) Love, and Shine On!

Thursday as I walked up to register, a sweet online friend - one whom I was so looking forward to meeting inrl (in real life) was among the first to greet me and honestly, if I traveled across that country for her alone - it was worth the trip!  She was grace and beauty and hugged me sweetly and spoke words that I would cling to throughout the weekend when the enemy would spew lies at me.  She handed over my Swag Bag (don't even get me started! - Oh MY?) and later, she found me and handed me a gift and a card from her personally... and she sat beside me while we prayed and wrote His heart to sisters caught in bondage in the Dayspring Lounge... but more that any of that - she offered me friendship that runs deep and true and she was to me a safe harbor when I felt a bit lost at sea.

 Deb Weaver... I treasure you so!  and after Allume... I love you all the more!

My sweet Tonya, the very reason I was even standing at Allume at all - how you hugged me close and wrapped me up and how you left your table to sit with me and share your heart - as you so consistently and openly do...

You bless, my friend! ...and I love you all the more for it!

Sarah Mae - Girl... I will take all of your self-proclaimed Awkwardness and hug you full on for 6 seconds and beyond and when you didn't let me linger looking for a single minute, with breakfast in my hands, and a searching in my eyes - but just pulled out a chair and made room for me? You just can't know... and while we didn't get a chance to really talk, that impacted me and challenged me to be more like that - more like Jesus... and I love you all the more!

How the elevator was full and Logan, you just hopped right on and after months of talking back and forth on facebook about Allume, sure - but also about Biltmore and man caves and all things touristy... you saw me and greeted me with such joy: "Karrilee!  It's me, Logan!"  Precious!  As if you needed an introduction - but it was so adorable and genuine and in the midst of feeling a bit invisible, you were, yet again, a gift to me! ...and I love you all the more for it!  (...and we LOVED Biltmore, btw!)

Seeing a gathering of some of my favorite Five Minute Friday girlies in the lobby... squeezing them close and waiting to say hello to Lisa Jo.  I began to introduce myself and she interrupts me with, "Karrilee - why did you wait so long to hug me?" as she leaned in and a little of her South African leaked out and her heart, ya'll, is even bigger in real life! 

She is really and honestly all about community and a little later in passing her in a hallway - she introduced me and my Honey to her friend Ann.  Welcoming is just what she is... warm and bubbling over with love and joy and I love her all the more for it!

Sweet Amy and Jessica... Andi and Jenny... even though we didn't have much time to really talk - simply hugging tight in real life and confirming that yes - for real - we are for each other... -totally worth the trip for me!

Each and every Keynote speaker and session leader spoke to my heart and confirmed things that God has been saying to me for quite some time and each one was transparent and accessible and gracious and I love them all the more for the words and spirit and love they freely poured out! 

There were so many moments that I treasure... meeting friends - sisters, really - who encourage me online consistently... Missy, Vanessa, Aprille, Kim, Jennifer, Shelly, Kathi, & Alia...

Meeting new friends and familiar faces and talking real life over cupcakes and salads... Jennifer (well - all the Jennifers, really!), Ashlee, Mandy, Beth Anne, & Sarah... Seeing so many women connecting, sharing, giving, and receiving - it blessed me so.

And yet...

For me, it felt like I was mostly on the outside looking in. For most of the days, I felt isolated and set apart...

I was so far out of my comfort zone and so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of happy chatter that I felt somehow removed from it all - like an observer of All. The. Things.

I'm shy until you get to know me but that is the beauty of the internet!  We can know each other on deep levels before ever sharing the same air.  I was born and raised in a small town and there are not many places that I go where I don't know anyone and I didn't think this would be an issue because really - I 'knew' a lot of the attendees.  But it quickly got to be too much.  Walking in to a crowded Ballroom again and again - all alone... looking for a single space to invite myself into.  Whether at meals or for sessions, I walked alone and it didn't take long before I felt not a part... I could feel myself reaching for and putting on an old mask... feeling myself resorting to faking my way through (and right when I was sitting next to Emily Freeman, no less! Yeah - because God is funny like that with me!)

So instead of giving in to that, I spent time in the Prayer Room.  I prayed on my own and through out the room... I lingered over journals and wrote messages and prayed over names - some I knew, and some I had no clue... even as I type this I see now - maybe in all my feeling not a part, my call was behind the scenes in prayer and this makes so much sense now - the drawing toward and tears whenever Nasreen would speak of coming alongside and helping others reach their dreams!

I had my Honey with me and while he was wonderful and understanding, supportive and a refuge of sorts... if I am honest, he was also an excuse and a retreat.  I hadn't really thought it through but having him with me meant that I did not have roommates to get to know... no late night talks or bonding over tight quarters and sleeping arrangements... it also meant I had no one to enter a room with. (and if I go again... I will rethink this.)

I'm a grown up.  This should not be so hard and I was honestly surprised at how difficult it really was on me. In the moments when it would begin to feel too heavy... like it was just too much... I would hear the Lord speak to my heart:

"I didn't bring you all this way so that you could be Recognized... but so that you would know that you are Known." 

Is this not the message that was woven through out the conference and while I don't normally battle these kinds of feelings, when I would find myself near the edge of a break down... He would give me a gift... send me a friend... reassure me that at least to Him, I was seen...

In all my shrinking back and feeling on the outside, He assured me that more than having a place at a table, He has given me (us!) a Voice to proclaim the Truth that the One who matters most, knows and loves us best!

He sees us and has called us to this world of blogging...
of living out loud and extending grace...
of Speaking Life, Being Love, and Shining On!

So - to wrap up my Allume experience feels a bit premature - for He is still unfolding things inside and outside of me... it's not easy because I so wanted to pour out and be a blessing... I found myself feeling quite unexpectedly needy and unsure.  I had handfuls of conversations that blessed... and armfuls of friends that pulled me in, but it was not all sunshine and rainbows.  Still - I cling to the power of prayer and the promises of God.

I pray I am the only one who didn't feel all warm and fuzzy but chances are in a room that big, the enemy couldn't have been focused only on me!  So if you too found yourself falling for the lies that you didn't belong... you don't fit in... or it didn't make a difference if you were even there...

Rest assured - even if you didn't feel Recognized.... you ARE Known!

Oh yeah - and the WORSHIP, ya'll... oh my stars!?  We could have gone on and on forever!!!

So what about you? Were you at Allume? What was your experience? Do you extroverts out there have any tips or tricks that will help us introverts in mastering entering a crowded room all on our own?

Day 24 - Praying for Allume

Today is Day Twenty-Four of 31 Days of Encountering God! If you missed the kick-off, you can go HERE and find the Introduction as well as each days post! (I will be adding every day as the month goes on!)

Believing that we will Encounter God...
(Praying for Allume)

Today is the day, ya'll!  Allume officially begins this afternoon and all the months of planning and praying will be lifted up and given over into His hands... where whatever it is that He has planned for each of us will happen - and Lord, let that be enough.

I remember this day last year... I was at home, having just recently discovered what Allume even was (it's a writers/bloggers conference) and feeling like I was so not a part of what God was doing. I know, I know - He does more than just one conference... still - with all the hype and excitement, it felt like I was just a little too late to get in on the party. A day late and a dollar short... such is life on a single income tight budget, on the west coast.  It seems all the cool kids are conferencin' it up on the East side All. the. Time.  

I share that because I know that chances are good that many of you are home reading this, wishing maybe that you were not... wishing that you were (fill-in-the-blank, really!)  Can I remind you that wherever you are, there He is.  Can I assure you that you can have an encounter right where you are... you don't need to travel across mountain ranges and time zones to find Him or His favor!  I am praying for you - yes, YOU... as I am soaking up all that I can while I am at Allume this year.  Because mostly - I want to pour it all out... I want to take it home and fling the seeds planted here with reckless abandon and watch and see you grow right along with me!  Also - if I am honest - I am praying for you because chances are really good that I will not make it back next year.  I want to remember that when I invite Him in and rejoice with those who are rejoicing... I really am with the Cool Kids... Jesus and I - we make a great team... and we here on the Internet know very well, you don't have to be physically beside someone to be there with them just the same.  (OK - not just the same... but you know what I mean!)

Pray with me, won't you?  Pray that God will have His way... that He will cover the speakers and the leaders and the attendees... that we will shine brightly for Him throughout this packed hotel and all around town... Pray that we will have an encounter with God even while we are finally encountering one another face to face, hugging proper and crying real tears.  Pray that the most important connection we make is with HIM and Him alone - and that everyone else who blesses our time is simply an extension of that!

Not wanting to leave you empty handed today, I thought I'd share this video... it's my new favorite!  I love this song right now anyway - but then you go and have Jenn Johnson sing out spontaneously in the midst of it and ...just wow!

Crank it up... soak it in!

...and know that I am thinking of you!


Linking up with The Nester and 1000s of other #31Day Bloggers!

Please know that even though I am at Allume, I have written some new posts for you to enjoy while I am gone... and when I (finally) do get back to my own computer... I will pour out whatever was poured in to me while I am here!  I believe in Impartation - and I am praying that whatever I receive, I will pass on to you!
I hope you come back and join me tomorrow for Five Minute Friday!

10 Things You Should Know... for my Allume friends!

It's countdown time.

Allume is looming large in just 10 short weeks (Did you see what I did there?) and I suppose it is high time that I actually click the button and finalize my travel plans! (I do already have my conference ticket, and my hotel room... it's just locking in to how many days before or after that I keep struggling with! It just doesn't feel like enough time either way!)

Allume is hosting a link up today to share a bit of insider information to give a little warning insight to your roommates - whom many will be strangers.  Since I am rooming with my Honey, he should already know all about me and my quirks and how things really go... so I will open this post up to you, my fellow bloggers and Allume attendees... in hopes that we will meet face to face while at the conference!

So... 10 Random Things You Should Know... (but maybe already do?)

1.  I love coffee... as in Love. Coffee.

As in - before I consume it - things seem a bit fuzzy...

But after it has blessed my lips, things come into focus nicely! 

 I wouldn't say it's dangerous to talk with me beforehand, but chances are WAY better that I will maybe remember having talked to you if we just wait a minute for the caffeine to work its' magic!

OK - honestly - I love a little strong coffee with a lot of other flavor... so - around here, it's not really considered coffee per say... but still.  (I also love tea... and - I drink a lot of water... Actually I've been known to have two or three different beverages going at one time!)

2.  The pronunciation of my name is more like, say - you heard a song and it reminds you of the holidays and it sounds a little Christmas Carol-y... Yeah. That.  So, there ya go!

3. I LOVE to laugh... like, if I could get PAID for it - DREAM JOB!  I laugh every day.  I have a gift tendency to be a little sarcastic and dry... sometimes a bit under my breath in case someone may think it inappropriate.  My Honey makes me laugh every day... and our girlie is hysterical, ya'll!

                                                                        (She's my favorite!)

4. Oh - yeah... that.  I say ya'll as if I am southern.  In which I am not! Born and raised in this small town smack in the middle of Washington State.  I think I just love how laid back and inclusive it is! (Who doesn't love THAT?)

5. I am all about seeking His Presence and I feel Him or see Him working all around me.  I am all about prayer - so if you need it - I will speak it out loud with you and bring it straight to Him... I love to worship... that is one of the things I am most looking forward to about Allume.  What gets better than a gathering of worshipers, except maybe a gathering of worshipers who hunger and thirst to hear His heart and then share it with the internet? Yeah - off the charts (ya'll!) I am believing that He has plans to seriously meet us there when we lift our eyes, our hearts, our voices in one accord!

6. I try to eat healthy. In 2008, I lost 75 pounds in changing how I ate and finding a more consistent exercise routine.  I hit a plateau/wall in 2009 and for 3 years tried nearly everything from drastic 'dieting' to intense 'insane' workout routines...without losing an inch or pound! By the 4th year (last year) I sort of gave up and got discouraged. I regained about 20 pounds and am just recently back on track.  I've realized that whether I am able to lose weight or not, I feel so much better and I am healthier when I feed my body actual food and stay active.

Now - that said, all this talk of chocolate and cupcakes and goodies... well - I will be allowing myself to enjoy some of that while still attempting to maintain some resemblance of self control! (Which is one good reason, I suppose, that I don't have a 'real' roommate!  I'm pretty sure he will not be slipping me chocolate... then again this may explain why I may want to come and crash a few of your room parties!)

7. I am (in real life) a little shy! I know, I know... but it's true! Online I can be all bold and secure in who I really am but in real life, I tend to battle a little more with fear of man (or ...you know, mostly woman!)  So - I wrote about my first experience at a writers conference HERE and how I plan on doing things differently this year at Allume! I want to get over myself and my own insecurities and boldly come right up and introduce myself.  That is my plan... but if you see me retreating and attempting to melt into the wall... come over- or send some extrovert you know - to come pull me back out!  I will say the benefit of online friendships, meeting in person, is that we already know that we adore each other - so that temptation is less entertained!

8. I am SUPER EXCITED about the Prayer Room (See #4) ...if you can't find me... I am probably there - praying and looking for someone to pray over! I love a party - but I thrive in the smaller gatherings of 2 or 3 when Real takes place and Hearts are laid open!

9. There is a long list of people I want to meet and hug (and I keep hearing talk of photo booths! #Swoon!) I am hoping to be all organized with a sparkly binder and have lists of bloggers/sisters that I am going to look for!  If you see me first - don't hesitate to come over! Chances are good you are on my list and I may not have seen you yet and I would hate to think that we didn't meet... I should just put it on out there (even if it invites pranks.. ahem) I am blind.  As in legally... without my contacts. Which - you will never see me without because... well - I had cataracts as a child and had to have them surgically removed as a teenager in order to save my sight. So - without contacts, - I am sleeping.  And that is all. #BlindAsABat #Truth #CokeBottleGlasses #ThatYouWillNEVERSee

& 10.  Oh yes... that.  I have a Smart(ish) phone (was hoping for an iphone before the conference!) and I LOVE me some Instagram and Twitter time. I #hashtag everything... even when I speak. #SorryNotSorry  #LetTheGamesBegin


What about you? Are you going to Allume? If so - what are some things I should know about you!
This weekend (I swear!) we are confirming flight plans and car rentals and then - THEN - it will feel real and I will put stuff in my Binder and ACTUALLY start making those lists that I speak of!

Linking up over at Allume today...

Behind the Scenes:

I am joining in today with the ever-encouraging Crystal Stine and playing along with her #BehindtheScenes link up!

The idea is that in our Instagrammed, Photoshopped, ever-Pinterest-worthy world online... often the real story is left untold... so here, we get real and we get bold and we tell the whole truth Behind the Scenes... So - here we go!

I stumbled across this photo the other day and because I am gearing up for and counting down to Allume - all the emotions behind the scenes just flooded back to surface!

It was way back in 2009 and I was a little shell shocked that I was even sitting there!  I started blogging back in '06... but no one really knew I was doing it!  I entered the Blogosphere simply in obedience - thinking I would do it for a year and then be done.  Even with no followers, very few readers, and a rare (non-spam) comment here and there, I fell in love with the practice of listening for Him and then writing down what He was teaching me or showing me or asking me to share with you - the internet.  (Even though you - the internet - weren't actually reading me, as far as I could tell!)

One year quickly turned into two or three and by 2009 I began to wonder if this was a Thing...  if this was something I was actually supposed to be doing long term.  And if it was, maybe I should actually learn how to do it... like, for real?

I had read a few life changing books from some of the staff at Bethel church... and had fallen in love with their worship music.  I wanted to get a chance to just sit in the midst of it all and soak it in.  Then - on a whim, I went to their website and my heart raced and oxygen escaped me as I read that they were hosting a  - wait for it.... Writer's Conference! (What?)

Now - I am only recently - as in, real time- in the here and now season- just starting to stand up tall in saying that I am a writer! (Thank you, Jeff Goins!) But back then, blogger and writer were not the same thing and I wasn't even so sure I could claim blogger as a title.  I was not one to go to writer's conferences or type out book proposals or even begin to guess how to go about finding a publisher or an agent... the world of books was shifting and I felt Oh So Over my Head in it all!

I didn't know about all of that - I just knew that I wanted to needed to write! Blogging felt like the easiest way to go about it. Even if it was not bringing in fans and comments and publishing houses requesting my brilliance. I was writing for Him... because He asked me to... and what He did with it after I hit publish was up to Him.  It still is.  I have made peace with that a long, long time ago - and still, I didn't want to be lazy if He was wanting me to press in... so the idea of a writers conference in California seemed all too Dreamy.  Totally unattainable - but dreamy nonetheless!

I mentioned it in passing, all breathy-like and wistful, to my Honey and his immediate response was, 'We should make this happen!  You need to be there!' Wait, what?  I am a stay at home Mama... we are a single income family that lives paycheck to paycheck and just picking up and traveling and being GONE for a whole week... that was not our lives? Still - his support meant the world to me!

Next thing I knew... a few friends, and several strangers (no joke) pitched in and paid my way! As in - they registered me (and a friend so I had a travel companion!) and paid my gas and sent food money... I was in a daze!

I invited my sweet friend Lori... she is not a writer (she always says this!) but this girl can pray... and I usually forget to write down how she prays until she is done - but if someone would do that... well - the world would be a better place, for sure!  She may not always write things down - but this girl has a way with words and has been a constant support to me.  I was honored to have her come with me!

We both (especially back then) had a tendency to blend in and melt back and shy away... we both felt SO out of place there at a Writer's Conference - despite everyone being amazingly over the top friendly and loving!

This shot... this was taken I believe on Day 2... outside of the church, during a break.

I don't remember much of that conference! Sure - I have notes and CDs of the sessions that I can go and revisit.  Much of what was presented was more testimonial and less tutorial... and it felt like if you could just stay there in that atmosphere, and breathe in that oxygen - then a book deal would magically happen for you too!  But I didn't go there really for tutorials, although that would have been helpful.  What I came there for was to be in the Presence of God in a place where they actually encourage and let Him show up and take charge!  I wanted to be mingling around in a room full of creative people... hoping that that alone would stir up creativity in me. It did... and it solidified to me that this writing thing really is like air to me... whether I am writing in my journal, typing out a blog post, or jotting down a scripture or word of encouragement in a card for a friend... it rejuvenates me - when I am doing it for Him!

(It exhausts me when I find myself doing it for others... or my own ambitions!)

So as Allume gets closer, I fight the memories of clinging to just one familiar face and not getting out of my comfort zone... of not taking the opportunity to meet new people and create friendships.  Sure - it strengthened ours, but we not only could have benefited from someone else - but we were filled up and ready to share... so I am thrilled to find that even though I am bringing a friend (my Honey!) - he will not be attending Allume sessions with me... (I'm pretty sure he knows this!) However, I also know that chances are GOOD that no matter what room I walk into  - I will find a friend.

One reason is because  - well, one of the biggest blessings about being a Blogger now is the kinship there is and the community through (In)courage and FMFParty gatherings and just blog hopping and spreading the love!  Another reason though is because I am different than I was back in 2009.

My readership is not much bigger... I still have no book proposal penned out... but I claim the title - the gifting, really - of a Writer without hesitation now.  I know who I am... and what He has called me to do.  I may still find myself shell shocked to be at Allume (thank you Tonya!) and will possibly find myself fighting off a temptation to withdraw or blend in... but that's not really who I am and there is only one me! If He wants us to meet - I want to be crossing the room to make that happen! I am going to Allume - a writers conference for bloggers - not just to learn and to receive, but I am most excited to meet friends face to face and to look for ways to pour out blessings... My desire, always, is to (say it with me now:)

Speak Life.  Be Love.  Shine On.

What about you?  Have you found yourself in places that you have longed to be and yet allowed fear and insecurities hold you back?  If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently?

Me?  I'm doing it over again at Allume, and my plan is to assume that everyone is fighting the same feelings, and I'm gonna cross the room!




Linked up with Crystal over HERE