A Random List of Last Fives... -A Five Minute Friday post.

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Another post already? I know... but I accidentally saw the One Word Prompt even though I had no plans of writing again so soon.  Once I saw the word, however, I realized I had just been wanting to do a lighter post --something less heavy and more fun and this will work perfectly! So... let's go!

This is a Five Minute Friday post... which simply means I set a timer and free-write for five minutes flat on the one-word prompt: FIVE

{GO!}

I have been missing those What I Learned link-up posts and how lighthearted and fun they were! Coming out of a long hard season, I wanted to follow Emily P. Freeman's lead and write some lists, so let's see what Last Fives come to mind after hitting the timer...

A Random List of Last Fives...

Our Weekend Goal... A Five Minute Friday post.

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Oh, Friends!  I don't know about where you live, but here in my little corner of the PNW:

Summer is HERE big time and, let me tell you, I am so FOR it!

I'm talking forego the hot cuppa and go for the iced coffee in the morning instead because it's already sunny and warm but the patio is calling my name! You know how it is with me! #patiolife

Let's just get to it! This is a Five Minute Friday post... which simply means I set a timer and free write for five minutes flat on the one-word prompt: GOAL

{GO!}

Last week we nearly hit triple digits.

It's not that this is unusual, really!

After all - we live in a desert land...

where the sun beats hot and the heat is dry.

It's all I've ever really known. 

I grew up in this town and never left. 

I'm assured I would know the difference

between humid and dry heat and I'm sure it's true. 

Still... as long as I have access to my beloved A/C,

I'm good with long summer days that

start out warm and never fully cool off.

But again, it is desert land

so once the sun goes down,

it usually DOES cool off

--at least a bit!

Listen, while not all things are meant for the interwebs, 

and we have played many cards close to our hearts

over the past year or so, many of you have walked with

and prayed for us in this long, hard season

of living in the in-between! 

Many of you have traveled these

parched 'desert lands' with us...

The Way Maker... A Five Minute Friday post.

***

Listen... it's summertime and we are in the midst of a whole lot of hard and holy... so we won't pretend that I even knew what day Thursday was last week - or the week before that... But tonight, He called me to sit in this chair and to lean back into His chest and let His arms of Love wrap around us... holding us close... trusting Him even when we can not see! He calls me to stir up my faith... and to encourage you, sweet reader, to do the same!

Our One Word Prompt is ANNIVERSARY. This is Five Minute Friday! 
Let's go...

{GO}

I made it! I actually made it on over to 'the Twitter' tonight to play with the tribe of amazing writers that make up the Five Minute Friday community! It felt so good to catch up and pretend for a few that life is back to normal... whatever that is! I don't even know anymore... 

But it's good.  It really is --even while it is Hard and Holy, too!  We know we are in the In-Between on nearly all counts... so what was normal is not available anymore... but we have Peace about that. 

And yet... I see the prompt and I'm not so sure I want to play along. 

My first thought when I see "Anniversary" is the anniversary we just reached a few weeks ago --the year marker of losing our brother-in-law.  To see how God has worked and has healed and has comforted our sweet sister and her boys is amazing!  Hard... and Holy.

And then my mind goes forward to the days following our little gathering at his graveside.  The days filled with doctors appointments and ER visits and what we thought was one thing turns out is most likely something else... something worse... but God!

When You Brave the Cold and Show Up!

"Tradition, tradition! Tradition!" 

Sing it with me! Wait - what? No? (No Fiddler on the Roof fans here? Moving on...)

Well - we have an Only Girlie and she is a huge - no, I don't think you understand... HUGE - fan of Tradition!  She likes things to go the way they have always gone and she is only now beginning to see Change as anything less than the enemy.  

We have lived through a few rough seasons... gone through some things that tested and tried Traditions and we chose to lean in and cuddle up... to hold each other through it. In the getting through it parts, some Traditions felt numb... others needed to stay up until April... or June... whatever.  I wrote about how our See-Through Christmas Tree stayed up during a time when we found ourselves clinging to comfort and needing stability and twinkling lights, and while we are stronger closer because of that time - we are happy to be on the other side of it!

When You Are Two Weeks Overdue and God Tricks You...

...you know, because He loves you!

My friend Sarah is hosting some pretty fun birth stories over at her place for her 31Days series... all part of a brilliant plan to keep her blog active while they welcome a new little one in to their family! She asked me to share my labor and delivery story over at her space today!  Hop on over and reminisce with me! Even now - over nineteen years later, it's still one of my favorite stories! Because, of course! But also because, God... He is so smart and loving and sometimes, in order to get us through things, He has to trick us. (Or maybe that's just me!)

Click on over and read the rest of the story HERE...




If you are visiting today, looking for DAY NINE of 31 Days of Resting in Him, please click HERE for todays post!

Finding the Art In Your Life... a new Incourage Community Group

I have always been crafty... well, artsy anyway! That sounds a little better, right?  Whether it be with a pen (or keyboard), paper and scissors, paints and canvas (or blank walls! #swoon!), or a camera in hand, I have long loved to create beauty around me!

I remember being asked to join Company 7 when I was in elementary school and it was this school for the arts and I was all like, "Oh Yeah! Finally... someone sees Art in me!"  I was all of eight years old.  And yet that invitation was like a nod of acceptance and it planted in me a sense of purpose.  I suspect now that the leaders of that little organization fully believed that we are ALL artsy... and they most likely reached out to the ones who made Art, but couldn't quite see it all the time.

We would write poems and plays and act them out.  We would learn dances, and finger paint, and learn to use a potters wheel.  Well, by 'learn' I don't mean to imply that we acquired actual skills... but we were exposed to the arts and we were free to love it or hate it and the good news was if we didn't like it, there would be something new the next week!

I don't remember how long I attended this class. A year or two maybe.  It was a huge bonus that it happened on Tuesdays... during school hours, thank you very much! (This may explain why I feel the most creative on Tuesday afternoons - even to this day!)  I remember the smell of paints, and old furnaces clicking on... a mixture of oil, dusty heat and polished wood floors in an old empty school building. I remember the laughter and joy in the creating.  Everyone was welcome, encouraged, inspired to just try... no pressure!  Kids can be mean - but there was no room for that there.  Everyone was good at something and we were on a mission to each find our thing... well - things! It turns out, we were good at lots of things that we never would have guessed!  We were to stay positive and learn to look for what we liked... to train our eyes to see the art.

Fast forward years and years... ok - maybe a decade... I remembered the joy of creating beauty as God was creating beauty in my womb. I dug in to paper crafts and card making, scrapbooking and photography.  Art pulled me up and reminded me of gifts I had forgotten... of the pleasure of mixing color and texture and letting happy accidents simply have their own way.  I crafted and created for years but it was only recently, in the last two years maybe, that I have felt confident in claiming the title of Artist.  

I am.  You are too, you know!

As Emily Freeman writes in *A Million Little Ways:

"Art means believing that the God who created the world with words alone creates with words still, through us --whether it be on a stage to thousands or in a corner with one. 

Maybe you make paintings, or maybe you make pie. Maybe you live confidently in the midst of scary situations.Maybe you are brave enough to listen, to wait, to trust.Maybe you see potential in situations and in people that others aren't able to see.

Art is what happens when you dare to be who you really are.You have the power to influence, to move, to make, to become. You have the capacity to perform the human act of making art, of doing work that comes from deep within you and touches something deep within me.
We make art with our lives."

Enter a new season of (In)courage Community Groups for the 2014 Spring/Summer session and I am honored and oh so excited to be co-leading a super fun artsy craftsy Group entitled, Art in Your Life: Adding Beauty as Co-creators with Christ.

My amazing, talented co-leaders are Rebekah Ellis and Sarah Jo Burch and oh my goodness if we don't have some serious fun planned for ya'll!  Our vision for this group is to create a bench... a community where we can encourage each other in our art (because we all battle doubt and insecurity all the time from time to time!)  We want to give space to share in all the many ways we create art and we invite you to join us... create with us... learn together with us how to make art with our lives!

So no matter what kind of art you make... whether you use paper, fiber, fabric, paint, pen (or keyboard), glass, beading, wood, camera, or other mediums, we'd love for you to join us as we scoot over on the bench, share what we love, what we want to learn to do, and where we find art when we train our eyes to really see... 

We are finalizing the schedule and plans now, but I can tell you that we have fun things planned (like weekly prompts/themes to inspire you to create, great resources to share, and hopefully some fun Twitter parties, Hashtag fun, and Interviews with a few Artists.)  Of course, we want to see all of your lovely art, too!  

As with all the Incourage groups - space is limited to 30 so don't hesitate! Jump in, dare to be brave and create beauty with us in the next 6 weeks! 

Join us HERE and determine to make Art in Your Life this Spring! 



Linking up over at Incourage.me today, as all Community groups are now officially open for Registration!


* Non-Affiliate Link

When You Make a Map and Go Out Looking For (His) Treasure...

It was several years ago at a writer's conference in California that I first saw this little book... I was drawn to it, but I confess - I did not buy it. Not then.  Not for a year or so actually. It scared me. At first glance, this was not my kind of book.  I am an introvert not an evangelist.  I am not your average street corner preacher... even if I do have sidewalk prophet tendencies.  

Mostly, I whisper it quiet... I hear from God.  I say it hushed at first because it can seem strange, be misinterpreted, make people feel uncomfortable - but is this not what should be breaking our hearts?

God WANTS to be heard.  He is speaking to us - all of us - in our every days and He desires that we catch the tune of the melodic love song that He is constantly singing over us.  I don't always hear it, oh but when I do...  When I do, I remember that He is singing all the while and once again I let Bossy Lists, multi-tasking, earthly chatter, every day living, and all the noise crowd out His still small Voice.  I don't mean to... it just happens!  

Eventually this little book found it's way to me.  My little group of Happy Intercessors read through it slow several years ago.  Only one or two of us were bold and excited to approach strangers; the rest of us were scared... more than a little shy and unsure!  But here's the deal... we were kindred and we knew we each heard from God! We had spent years tuning in to His heart and practicing quieting ourselves to hear Him speak while gathered together. 

So at the end of each chapter... we would pull out a piece of paper, and pray - and write down "clues"... we didn't wait long... didn't over-analyze it... just wrote down the random things that entered in to our minds.  Next we would share our lists and make a Treasure Map... and then the fun would begin. Sure - knees knocking and half hoping we would come up empty-handed, but fun was at the center of our search as we headed out in teams to bless our city because here's the deal - here is the message of that book:

Find people and tell them that God treasures them!

Simple... no pressure, no twisting arms, no doom and gloom...

just show them the Map, tell them that we were sent there to find them and let them know how crazy in love He is with them, and then offer to pray!

Easy Peasy. 

I share that here because other than a handful of times, I haven't done that on purpose - with intention - for quite awhile and just like with anything, if you don't practice it can feel like you are starting from zero all over again. (Hint - It may feel like it, but you aren't! You have all that past experience behind you now... all those testimonies and treasures found to stir you up!)

Last week, during Soar (the Bible college/BSSM satellite school we attend) we went out on a treasure hunt.  I teamed up with My Honey and another friend Steve, and we prayed, made our maps and hit the road looking for whomever God would highlight to us.  This is literally taking the call He gave me to another level... to Speak Life, to Be Love, to Shine On... This puts feet on that statement and my how I fight off fear of man, but I lean in and do it anyway! I am learning that we just need to do it! Do it brave, or do it scared, but for the love - let's just do it! (Nike got that right!)

So - here is a peek at my Map...

 

We set out on foot because last Wednesday it was Gorgeous, ya'll - and one of our clues was park.  There were two within walking distance and we assumed with it being so nice, there would be people out enjoying the near-summer like weather!

The park was empty... but another clue was Bird bath, which this park had.  Then we noticed three people sitting on their front stoop across the street from the park, and they had a Black (rod iron) Fence on the porch, which was also on our Map.  We approached them a bit shyly, asking them about a car accident that had just happened in the park the week before.  They were ready to share their experience and how the accident had impacted them.  We then explained what we were doing and that we felt that God led us to them... that they are treasured by God and so very loved.  They remained open and we were able to pray simply for one need, and then another, and then another.  At one point when my Honey was sharing more things on his Map, one of the men asked, "Who have you been talking to?"

"God.  We've been talking to God!" was the only answer to give.

In talking of physical issues, neck pain was on our Map and the gal had already had two surgeries and was going in for a third.  She let me lay my hands on her and pray... twice... as she felt heat go through her body and pain leave.

Yes... God.  We've been talking to God.  The God who loves... who heals... who sees.

As I wrapped up my prayer for her neck, I heard Him whisper a word of encouragement for her, and as I shared that, she began to cry... nodding her head, trying to believe that what He said about her was true. We saw Hope begin to unfold as we walked away, looking for more people to bless.

"For God so loved the world... that He gave His only Son..."

He is giving still...

P.S.  Speaking of giving... (ya see what I did there?) If you want to help be an encounter... to put some feet on 'Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.' in a different way, we are still raising funds for Phase 2 to help build a Community Kitchen and Welcome Center in South Africa.

For more info, or to join with us... with Him... and give, click here:

I'm linking up with:
Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory

Holley Gerth for #CoffeeforYourHeart

and Holly Barrett for #TestimonyTuesday

When was the last time you heard (or sensed, felt, discerned) God speak your name or sing over you? Have you ever? What kind of God Encounters have you had, and have you ever BEEN one for someone?

More than anything you hear today - more than any words that I can write... I want you to hear Him speaking... to hear His words over you... singing and sinking into your heart!

He LOVES you... you are His Treasure!

Easter... Before, During, and After the Little years.

I wrote last year a bit about my Upbringing and Easter... if you want a bit of my background, well - there ya go. Otherwise - let's jump right in.

I became a Christian at 21, a wife at 22, and a Mama at 25.  I fell in love with my life as it was unfolding and that has ever since then been the case.

We have an Only... she is hands down the best thing I have ever done and coming at Easter from the perspective of a parent undoes me every. single. year.

Gah... how much the Father loves us!

Every year we meet up at my In-Laws -Loves house and have Easter lunch after church.  This tradition began long before I entered the family and it was cemented early on, even in our Before Season of having a Little.

We gather together, eat lunch, and share what stood out about Easter, really letting the Gospel saturate us.  Eventually our Only came along and she has one older cousin and for a couple of years, we'd hide eggs all over yard and they would go on the hunt... just the two of them.  After Steph moved away, for many more years our Girlie searched on her own. 

Can you even?                    

Since then, well - Littles have been added... and added...

(...and added some more - even since this photo was taken a couple of years ago!)

In the midst of her growing up years - our During Season - Easter has always meant church and family and Egg Hunts with the cousins, - and let's not forget that crazy over-filled, (now seriously sad) hand crafted Easter Basket made for her First Easter Ever.  It went from a little candy and a dress with some sidewalk chalk, plastic toys and bubbles squeezed in, to a little candy and a dress with designer heels, room decor, and an itunes cards tucked in.

Seriously, ya'll - this is falling apart and she won't let me get rid of it!

When she was still a Tiny and could barely climb the stairs, she would ask to watch "Jesus on da Toss!"  She loved her Easter cartoons, but what she requested more than anything was to watch The Matthew Movie - a word for word rendition of the Gospel of Matthew; the one with the happy Jesus and she would be glued to the screen, downloading Scripture without even knowing it.  Oh, we'd let her but we'd always skip the Crucifixion.  Still, that is the scene that got her, every. time. Even going fast forward. (...So that completely dates me. Whatever.)

For all of her life, our Girlie has known Easter and what it means - how it is all about Jesus and what He did and what He does still... how He is still going about the business of saving and redeeming... 

But in this (nearly) After Season some things have changed.  Our college girlie works now and so getting a holiday off is not a given and we are still waiting to see if she gets to join us on Sunday and sit down for lunch, share Gospel and mashed potatoes, and talk a little about life and death and resurrection.  All the cousins are getting older... we still have Littles so the excitement of searching for eggs and candy is still high, but it has a different feeling to it now.  

Honestly, at this point, this isn't how I envisioned things. But I am old enough now to know that God is never caught off guard or surprised by anything.  The little details that I would like to change don't really concern Him. But He and I both agree that what we want the most this Easter - for my family and for yours, no matter the stage or age, is that there will be heart-hunger stirred up and Gospel-truth soaked in deep!

I pray that at some point over the next several days, whether at church, in quiet time, with family, or searching for treasures hidden, you will reflect on Easter as a parent.  That you will see your Littles - no matter how little they are or aren't anymore - and remember that the Father gave up His one and only Son so that we might have life... and have it more abundantly!

No matter your wishes or dreams, your disappointments or concerns as a parent... He's got your Littles and your not so Littles and He knows... as a Father, He knows!  He desires the best for them too and He loves them with a heart that beats FIERCE for them.  Whether they are joyfully serving Him, going through the motions with little shown emotion, or searching on their own for truth... He is after them!  

I remember having a conversation once where we were discussing if God really forsook Jesus on the Cross or if the enemy of His soul simply made Him believe He was forsaken.  It was not an argument and it can't be proven, but it made me ponder  ...how often have I fallen for the lies of the enemy and felt like I was abandoned, beyond help... forsaken, beyond hope?  Too many than I'd like to admit to, honestly.

But He has given us a Promise to never leave us or forsake us and I believe that - always - there is hope, because where ever you go, He is there!

I'm linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory

and with Holley Gerth for #CoffeeforYourHeart

Tuesdays Unwrapped... Letting Go of the Crazy

Ya'll... it's December 10th!

December 10th!!!

I know...  I know maybe if you are new(ish) around here, or don't know me in real life - this may not mean much to you but to me and my family, December 10th has long been my self-imposed Deadline to go crazy and have a mini melt down in order to finish All. The. Things.  

Whatever.

This year, thanks to maturing,  no not that... thanks to Advent, I have approached the season with a slower pace... but still - December 10th is here and so today is the last possible day of Crazy that is allowed in this house.

For several years... maybe a decade? - I have given myself this 'deadline' of sorts to be all done with the Christmas shopping and decorating and party planning and wrapping of gifts and all the bossy lists of things to do this season.  December 10th... I set it at first because back in the day I was that one girl who was mostly done by August anyway... I know... (I'm sorry!)  Those days are over. Long gone. A distant memory.  I think they faded when my Little was not so little anymore and her wants were not so easily purchased months in advance (and in a toy aisle!) 

Still... December 10th is still doable.  Even if I don't start until mid-October Black Friday... I can do this!

Normally - the last few days (which means December 7-10th) can get a little cray cray around here... lots of stress and rushing around and it seems insane to all the unlookers and people who don't live here because - well - I DO realize that it is still weeks before Christmas.  However - I normally push through the tense muscles, the deep breathing, the midnight wrapping, and the too-much-coffee-consuming-while-trying-to-make-and-address-these-cards parts and I make it! 

I get through the whirlwind of December 10th and then... gloriously have nothing (no. thing.) to do until Christmas Eve.  I mean - sure... there is the baking, and the parties, and the caroling maybe... there's the Christmas movies and hot chocolate and driving around looking at all the pretty lights... there is all of the FUN stuff... but there is nothing else!

(See?  Brilliant, right?)

So today... seeing this on my (only somewhat-) Bossy List, it didn't stir up anxiety or cause my heart (or car) to race!  I really am mostly done!

Tonight is December 10th... and thanks to The Nester and her also brilliant NOT To Do list and boldness in loudly declaring that she is not sending Christmas Cards (AND is not feeling guilty about it!) I followed her lead and crossed that off my list this year as well!  Not an easy task, mind you! I make cards for a living... I love the handmade craftiness of a holiday card and of course - I write a family Christmas Letter. (I know right? You're so surprised!)  But we had agreed as a family that we were cutting back on spending in order to give more this Christmas and as much as I love the whole ritual of Christmas cards and snail mail... it was one expense that seemed easy enough to skip! (Then again... after the holidays - you may just receive a handmade Martin Luther King Day card... Oh you laugh, but it could happen!)

I will still write a Christmas Letter... I know... see? It's gonna be alright! Exhale!  It will have to sort of go viral online to reach everyone, however I refuse to worry about it!

Instead, I will be making breakfast for dinner and wrapping gifts tonight!  The Christmas Letter? I'll work on that (gasp!) tomorrow...

After all, it's Advent right? And Advent is all about the waiting... it's all about His coming... and so I stick by my self-imposed tradition (and reserve the right to break my own rules) and I will still be done with the running around of Christmas, just in time to slow down and breathe in all that matters! I will make time to wait... 

Because... He's always worth it!



I'm linking up with Emily over at Chatting at the Sky for #tuesdaysunwrapped

...and with Crystal for #Behindthescenes

In which I'm still processing my Allume Experience

Allume...

 ~ even the mere mention of it stirs up love and excitement... all the thoughts of Kindred and Community swirl around in my heart and I forgot to even really be nervous!

I didn't plan ahead for that... 

I knew it would go by too fast and while I loved the reality of hugging necks and making eye contact in the flesh -as much as I loved the IDEA of long talks over coffee or sitting in corners for hours at a time- I didn't really give in to those hopes!  I guess I assumed that I loved all the same people that everyone else surely would want face to face time with.  I figured everyone would be after that as well and I didn't want to put any pressure or expectations on friends I was just meeting in real life.  I wanted to honor and trust that God would orchestrate the connections I was meant to make... (I just thought some of them would be the connections I was wanting too!)  I didn't want to be one more in a long line of bloggers wanting to meet so desperately that you would walk away drained and empty. I forgot that when we pour out, He fills up... and so I missed out on some of those opportunities - not wanting to take only, and forgetting that I can give!

When the opportunity first arose for me to attend Allume this year, it didn't feel real. I wasn't sure I could trust it... but I leaned in and prayed.  We are not normally cross-country travelers, and we live paycheck to paycheck... but God made a way and as soon as I saw His hand in it, I settled in my heart that other than a handful of friends I longed to hug proper in real life, what I MOST WANTED for my Allume experience was to be able to be a blessing... to pour out more than I attempted to drink in.  This was my hearts' desire and yet I forgot that I had anything to give...  So this is where it gets real and messy and hard.

I'm not convinced that that happened... I feel a  little  lot frustrated about it all.  I feel like I somehow missed out on much of what Allume is all about and what it offers and so I am praying for clarity and processing and asking Him to show me my part in what went wrong.

But please hear my heart:  No matter my own lack luster experience, I ADORE Allume and I highly recommend it!  As hard as it was on me, there were a LOT of great moments that I am oh so thankful for! So - let's start with a few of those...

From the TOP down, ya'll - the Allume Team is Ah - MAY - Zing!!! They rock and they really are all about community and Kingdom, and I love them! They speak my language and live my tagline... They really do Speak Life, (are) Be(ing) Love, and Shine On!

Thursday as I walked up to register, a sweet online friend - one whom I was so looking forward to meeting inrl (in real life) was among the first to greet me and honestly, if I traveled across that country for her alone - it was worth the trip!  She was grace and beauty and hugged me sweetly and spoke words that I would cling to throughout the weekend when the enemy would spew lies at me.  She handed over my Swag Bag (don't even get me started! - Oh MY?) and later, she found me and handed me a gift and a card from her personally... and she sat beside me while we prayed and wrote His heart to sisters caught in bondage in the Dayspring Lounge... but more that any of that - she offered me friendship that runs deep and true and she was to me a safe harbor when I felt a bit lost at sea.

 Deb Weaver... I treasure you so!  and after Allume... I love you all the more!

My sweet Tonya, the very reason I was even standing at Allume at all - how you hugged me close and wrapped me up and how you left your table to sit with me and share your heart - as you so consistently and openly do...

You bless, my friend! ...and I love you all the more for it!

Sarah Mae - Girl... I will take all of your self-proclaimed Awkwardness and hug you full on for 6 seconds and beyond and when you didn't let me linger looking for a single minute, with breakfast in my hands, and a searching in my eyes - but just pulled out a chair and made room for me? You just can't know... and while we didn't get a chance to really talk, that impacted me and challenged me to be more like that - more like Jesus... and I love you all the more!

How the elevator was full and Logan, you just hopped right on and after months of talking back and forth on facebook about Allume, sure - but also about Biltmore and man caves and all things touristy... you saw me and greeted me with such joy: "Karrilee!  It's me, Logan!"  Precious!  As if you needed an introduction - but it was so adorable and genuine and in the midst of feeling a bit invisible, you were, yet again, a gift to me! ...and I love you all the more for it!  (...and we LOVED Biltmore, btw!)

Seeing a gathering of some of my favorite Five Minute Friday girlies in the lobby... squeezing them close and waiting to say hello to Lisa Jo.  I began to introduce myself and she interrupts me with, "Karrilee - why did you wait so long to hug me?" as she leaned in and a little of her South African leaked out and her heart, ya'll, is even bigger in real life! 

She is really and honestly all about community and a little later in passing her in a hallway - she introduced me and my Honey to her friend Ann.  Welcoming is just what she is... warm and bubbling over with love and joy and I love her all the more for it!

Sweet Amy and Jessica... Andi and Jenny... even though we didn't have much time to really talk - simply hugging tight in real life and confirming that yes - for real - we are for each other... -totally worth the trip for me!

Each and every Keynote speaker and session leader spoke to my heart and confirmed things that God has been saying to me for quite some time and each one was transparent and accessible and gracious and I love them all the more for the words and spirit and love they freely poured out! 

There were so many moments that I treasure... meeting friends - sisters, really - who encourage me online consistently... Missy, Vanessa, Aprille, Kim, Jennifer, Shelly, Kathi, & Alia...

Meeting new friends and familiar faces and talking real life over cupcakes and salads... Jennifer (well - all the Jennifers, really!), Ashlee, Mandy, Beth Anne, & Sarah... Seeing so many women connecting, sharing, giving, and receiving - it blessed me so.

And yet...

For me, it felt like I was mostly on the outside looking in. For most of the days, I felt isolated and set apart...

I was so far out of my comfort zone and so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of happy chatter that I felt somehow removed from it all - like an observer of All. The. Things.

I'm shy until you get to know me but that is the beauty of the internet!  We can know each other on deep levels before ever sharing the same air.  I was born and raised in a small town and there are not many places that I go where I don't know anyone and I didn't think this would be an issue because really - I 'knew' a lot of the attendees.  But it quickly got to be too much.  Walking in to a crowded Ballroom again and again - all alone... looking for a single space to invite myself into.  Whether at meals or for sessions, I walked alone and it didn't take long before I felt not a part... I could feel myself reaching for and putting on an old mask... feeling myself resorting to faking my way through (and right when I was sitting next to Emily Freeman, no less! Yeah - because God is funny like that with me!)

So instead of giving in to that, I spent time in the Prayer Room.  I prayed on my own and through out the room... I lingered over journals and wrote messages and prayed over names - some I knew, and some I had no clue... even as I type this I see now - maybe in all my feeling not a part, my call was behind the scenes in prayer and this makes so much sense now - the drawing toward and tears whenever Nasreen would speak of coming alongside and helping others reach their dreams!

I had my Honey with me and while he was wonderful and understanding, supportive and a refuge of sorts... if I am honest, he was also an excuse and a retreat.  I hadn't really thought it through but having him with me meant that I did not have roommates to get to know... no late night talks or bonding over tight quarters and sleeping arrangements... it also meant I had no one to enter a room with. (and if I go again... I will rethink this.)

I'm a grown up.  This should not be so hard and I was honestly surprised at how difficult it really was on me. In the moments when it would begin to feel too heavy... like it was just too much... I would hear the Lord speak to my heart:

"I didn't bring you all this way so that you could be Recognized... but so that you would know that you are Known." 

Is this not the message that was woven through out the conference and while I don't normally battle these kinds of feelings, when I would find myself near the edge of a break down... He would give me a gift... send me a friend... reassure me that at least to Him, I was seen...

In all my shrinking back and feeling on the outside, He assured me that more than having a place at a table, He has given me (us!) a Voice to proclaim the Truth that the One who matters most, knows and loves us best!

He sees us and has called us to this world of blogging...
of living out loud and extending grace...
of Speaking Life, Being Love, and Shining On!

So - to wrap up my Allume experience feels a bit premature - for He is still unfolding things inside and outside of me... it's not easy because I so wanted to pour out and be a blessing... I found myself feeling quite unexpectedly needy and unsure.  I had handfuls of conversations that blessed... and armfuls of friends that pulled me in, but it was not all sunshine and rainbows.  Still - I cling to the power of prayer and the promises of God.

I pray I am the only one who didn't feel all warm and fuzzy but chances are in a room that big, the enemy couldn't have been focused only on me!  So if you too found yourself falling for the lies that you didn't belong... you don't fit in... or it didn't make a difference if you were even there...

Rest assured - even if you didn't feel Recognized.... you ARE Known!

Oh yeah - and the WORSHIP, ya'll... oh my stars!?  We could have gone on and on forever!!!

So what about you? Were you at Allume? What was your experience? Do you extroverts out there have any tips or tricks that will help us introverts in mastering entering a crowded room all on our own?