The post where I write a letter to the Dreamers in my life...

Every Tuesday, Holley Gerth invites us to Dream Big with God & to press in to all He is stirring up in us... she opens up community to dive in deeper together & today, she has invited us to write a letter to fellow Dreamers in our lives.



To the Dreamers, the ones filled
with Hope & Joy & Vision...
To the ones holding steady & leaning in
to the unknown, the not-yet-seen,
believing for the Dream to
become clearer, more in focus,
as they move forward toward it...
the ones who keep the Dream alive,
living in the day to day, 
sorting through the laundry
& the bills & the dishes...

I am blessed to be surrounded by Dreamers...

My husband:
who Hopes Big, Breathes Deep,
Plays & Works Hard,
& gets caught under the pressure
of being the Provider,
& wishing for a Bigger Dream Life...

My daughter:
who Laughs Full, Gives Generously,
who sees the best in everyone,
much like her Daddy,
& is facing a future that is
Wide Open & Full of Promise,
as well as hints of fears & unknown paths.

My Sisters:
who are self employed,
blazing trails & working all sorts of crazy hours
to make their Dreams come true...
often forgetting to take breaks, eat meals, 
& sometimes see the light of day!

My Friends:
who are in the midst of daily living,
raising babys, paying bills,
making ends meet,
& leaning in to hear Him clearer... 
to follow His lead.
They are taking risks
& trusting Him at His Word.
They are traveling to Africa,
buying houses, quitting jobs...
they are teaching in prisons,
learning online, & kicking fear out...
they are trying to let go, & let God...
with their kids, their finances, their hopes...
They are knee deep in Day to Day
& heart sick in barely living - 
but they press on, for they remember
...ever so faintly... but yes,
they have glimpses & flashbacks...

I am blessed by each of them,
but sometimes I know they forget that
"Dreamer" is who they really are!

So this is to them... The Dreamers...
each & every one of them...
because we all need reminders:

When you hit that snooze button, 
& curl over on to your side...
slowly coming to, stirring out of your slumber, 
in all of your waking up - 
Don't forget to keep right on Dreaming!

When you are tackling your lists,
crossing things of one by one;
when you're so focused on today -
on all it's problems & hurdles - 
Don't forget to peer into Tomorrow
& don't be afraid to make some plans!

When it feels like you are stuck,
with no forward motion...
When it feels like you can't even
remember what you were hoping for...
When you find yourself once again
entertaining fear, doubt, & unbelief - 
Close your eyes... Inhale fully; deeply...
Invite Him in & Open your Heart...
Inch up to the edge, toes hanging over,
Arms stretched out wide,
& Dive In!

Dive in to the Dreaming...
Dive in to the mystery -
to the not knowing...
& look around you!
It may feel like you are all alone
but you are SURROUNDED with Dreamers
who are stepping up & stepping out

& jumping off that cliff
falling hard, risking all,
to soar high with
the Dream Giver, too!

For we Dream Bigger - when we Dream together!
Go ahead... be Brave and Dream with me!


Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

I want to see you be Brave!

Where I try to put (in)RL into words... and how I feel I failed...

It's the day after...

OK, technically it's two days after and so it shouldn't really surprise me - those faint nagging whisperings  of failing. And yet - it does.  It does surprise me.

I worked super hard, & I partnered up with Him in an attempt to create a Beach House atmosphere that stirs up Community & challenges us to Stay... I believe the women were blessed, & yet I am struggling now with the wonderings of did I do enough... as if it was ever up to me anyway!  But still - I know this path well, & it is a slippery slope with a steep incline. I know how my wonderings can lead to wanderings and that won't do. No - that just won't do.

After months of anticipation and weeks of prepping and praying, (in)RL happened on Saturday in my living room, and my hearts' prayer is that it is still unfolding in the hearts and minds of the women gathered close, leaning in, and longing for a place... for their place.

I had fun decorating the house with fun little Beachy touches here & there... 
My girlie is nearly grown so the days of themed parties are mostly behind me...
This - this was feeding my spirit and reminded me of my joy in creating atmospheres
on purpose that evoke a sense of peace and fun of  home and love...

Then I prayed specifically for each woman whom He would draw here, and I wrote out a little message in a bottle... a prayer or blessing, from Him to them. I sealed them up with a prayer and believed that He would speak to them personally, intimately, because... well... because that is just Who He is!

   

I had so much fun creating a table that invited them in, filled with yumminess,
& Oh-I-Really-Shouldn'ts... Next, I printed out the (in)RL sheets last minute
& looked over the questions... I wrote out the ones that I wanted to ask, & set them aside...

Friday night I watched on my own, praying for the names of those I expected,
& a handful of women I knew would not make it...

I was like a kid going away to camp & I couldn't sleep on Friday night... too excited for what would unfold. For what I WANTED to unfold was Community building, digging in deep to find and offer healing... leaning in together to find and grab hold of hearts just like our own... sometimes walled off and guarded, but yearning for fortresses to crumble.

So... come Saturday morning around 9am... they began to gather... I was hoping for strangers... some new faces... but those who gathered were women who I am blessed to know, to live with, and walk beside... women who have His heart, and while there are some I knew more than others, I loved the comfort of familiar faces filling my home. I gave up the choice to focus on the absence of strangers, and instead, I chose to relax in the presence of friends.

We circled around the food (because - as I tweeted earlier 'other than bringin' the Real and Sharing our Hearts, really - it's all about the snacks!')

We snuggled in for a group shot (or 12!)

Our 'Regular one'...

and then we break out the Fun...

So with laughter on our lips, and plates full, hearts hungry, we began to watch (in)RL...
where we heard about Community and choosing to Stay. We listened to the women talk about Mentors and friendships, & we listened to them read posts that hit home and spoke straight to our hearts!

I had misplaced my notecards and finally found them all out of order & isn't that just how we can feel when what we want to be happening cannot be seen on the outside? I had highlighted a few questions that would dig in deep... open space for the Real and the Honest, but for whatever reason, it didn't feel right. 

We did discuss the videos a bit, and we shared... (this is when the feelings of failure can swoop right in!) I wanted to go deep. I wanted to get to the heart of the matter when it comes to Community and why we are or aren't connected in tight... If I am honest, I wanted the tears and the broken and the healing to follow... I wanted truth to reign supreme and love to be made manifest...

Sometimes I want the messy, when what He wants is the covering. Sometimes in order to get to the Real, it takes time... & that is ok... because the whole of the message of the day was the power of Staying.  Choosing to stay... to fully invest... to be able to have the hard conversations not just about your stuff, but about my stuff too!  

True Community is a give and take... 
too much of one will bleed you dry and make you a martyr

...and too much of the other will make you ungrateful and yet still oh so needy!

So I battle the whisperings that we didn't go deep... there were no crumpled tissues or lingering hugs, but he gently reminds me that what there WAS offered here was a safe place... an atmosphere of fun and joy and love. He showed up for each of us and I believe that Honor was our guest... and really - how can we go wrong there, right?

I have already heard back from each precious woman and their response confirms this.

So - after cleaning up a bit and relaxing...  enjoying just one more spoonful of  Oh-I-Really-Shouldn't... (yes - this one is for you - my #FMFParty Sisterhood!)


I decided to create a private
Facebook group with
my (in)RL ladies

where I can post some of those
deeper questions that we didn't
go over in real life
& create a space to discuss it deeper
for those who want to!
(Plus - it will make scheduling meet ups for lunch or coffee or a walk that much easier!)


So please, if you hosted or attended an (in)RL - or viewed it from the comfort of your own home for whatever reason... please do not listen to those thoughts of how you missed out or didn't do enough... didn't say enough... for the enemy hates Community but we know that we are now equipped with the  knowledge of CHOICE... of the CALL.. of the power to choose to stay...

...to stay connected - with Him, first...
and with those whom He has surrounded you with
in church, in life, in neighborhood...
and if you don't yet feel connected... pray. 
Ask Him to show you who He has for you to pour into,
and who He has put along your path who can pour into you!
I loved what RoseAnne Coleman shared in the video on Mentoring...
how she said that sometimes who God has for you
is not who you would pick for yourself.

Let's be open...
arms outstretched wide, hearts boldly brave
and let's be looking for Community that is all around us!

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On,
~Karrilee~

Five Minute Friday: "Friend"

I was so sad to miss the#FMFParty last night! My hubby invited people over... on a Thursday night?  While we joked on Twitter of me stashing the laptop in the bathroom to be able to 'check in' from time to time - instead, I turned it off and tuned in to what - to whom - was right in front of me.  You know... 'in real life' (not to say I didn't momentarily pause in thought, wondering what ya'll were talking about!)

So - first - The fine print: if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at one minute past midnight Friday morning (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Five Minute Friday - "Friend" ...

{GO}

Well I should have seen this one coming!  Honestly - with (in)RL finally upon us - isn't this word what is closest to our hearts and swirling around our tongues this weekend?  whether we are reuniting with old friends - or making new ones... Friend is what we are looking forward to tomorrow at (in)RL! 

Friend... Oh how we need one... and oh thank God that He IS One!

For we learn how to be a friend to others in how He is a friend to us, for He IS a Friend who sticks closer than a brother!  

He brings friendships into our lives and with each individual one of them - we have an opportunity to grow... I don't know about you - but I have a variety of 'styles' of friendships. 

I have fun and light friends... all games and laughter - rarely any serious talking or solving of the worlds problems going on when we gather.  I love these friends - they are so refreshing!  I  am finding as I get older, however, I gravitate more to the other 'style'... because the other style includes all of this - but grows down deeper and offers so much more!

This style I call my life long friends - with whom I have grown and stretched and tested boundaries... these are the ones who have stuck by me when I was lost, misguided, or in the wrong - they stood with me when I was in the battle, losing the fight, or barely holding on... these are the ones who had my back and bended their knees, who held my heart and my hope and pointed me back to Him... 

I have friends who WANT to be friends... and who are good at it.
friends who NEED to be friends... and they are learning...
and I have friends who come and go... near, then far... as the seasons change.
I have friends '(in)RL'  and I have friends whom I know by heart - by name...
but not (yet) by voice recognition!

I have friends who know me... who love me... who invest in me... and in being friends with them - in STAYING friends with them - I have learned how to be a friend.  Mostly because to me - at any given moment, these are the friends who are like Jesus with skin on when I need to feel and touch and see and know first-hand, like Thomas!

{STOP}

I am so very thankful that I am so very blessed with some amazing friends who, I pray, are teaching me to be an amazing friend to others!

Now I am off to gear up for (in)RL!!! Bring on the Scones!!! (and yes, I will be serving them with a side of #Nutella... it just sort of goes without saying!)

Speak Life, Be Love, Shine On!

~Karrilee~

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts!
Click here to read what others have to say about "Friend":


Meet our Mascot Fluffachu...
"Alpacas are social herd animals that live in family groups..."

When I am Happy and Sad and Excited and Tired and have nothing really to say...

Have you ever felt that way?

I am sure you have... where there are so many different 'feelings' to choose from swirling around that what you think you want (a nap... or chocolate... or fill-in-the-blank) is not what you really need!  

I had plans to write yesterday but in all my excitement in prepping for the big #inrl conference this weekend - hosted in homes and coffeehouses, churches and community centers all over the world - I lost track of time! In fact, I spent the entire day doing fun things... my small group of amazing ladies in the morning... some crafting for my meet up on Saturday... dropped my baby girl off to fly to California (without me... - definitely Happy/Sad!)... then I fixed a quick dinner and hosted another get together where we made handmade tags for a meeting tonight.. And instead of feeling guilty or behind... I let Holley Gerth's words on her post about God-Sized Dreaming linger in the corners of my thoughts!

Then today... a little more Happy/Sad when my dd started texting me... she is spending the day at Disneyland and is LOVING it... (she was so casual about going... I am happy that she is having fun - and I knew she would!)  however I am a little bit sad that I am not experiencing it WITH her.  Still - this trip- this honor of competing at Nationals for her DECA club... she worked hard and she deserves it!  It is simply a reminder that this is the beginning of a new season where she experiences things from afar! I am just so thankful that I am still (one of) the first people she thinks of sharing any stories with!

After hours and hours of computer issues... internet connection trouble (*remember - I am hosting an #inrl on Saturday - so I sort of need an internet connection!) I took a break and went to do some Yoga with a friend... it helped... but instead of feeling refreshed, I am exhausted... I want a nap - but what I NEED is a time out... a bit of sitting in the quiet with the One who holds all the answers that I need...

So - that is what I am going to do! I am going to crank up some Bethel Music... sit back... (and not nap - hopefully!)  Then I am going to go out and enjoy this gorgeous sunshine a bit... I am going to pray for my girlie - in Cali at the Happiest Place on Earth. Of course I think anywhere that she is has that potential!  

..and I am going to pray for the women that will be gathering together all over the world meeting up for (in)RL on Friday and Saturday... I am praying for the ones who will enter my home and my heart... some I will know and some (hopefully) I will not yet... I am praying for those who will be watching it alone... too afraid or too hurt to brave crossing over unknown thresholds!  (It's not too late to join in!)

Would you join me in prayer?  If you need help getting started, I'd love for you to go HERE and read this from my sweet friend Tonya... for now... the music is getting louder - and I am quieting my spirit to listen and pray!

Speak Life, Be Love. Shine On.
(...even when you have nothing to say!)
~Karrilee~

Where I write about my husband...

I watch him as he stands at the sink...
It is morning, and he is filling the coffee pot
and making the house smell like heaven...

It is afternoon, and he is leaning against it,
talking with me of his list of errands to do
on a Saturday...

It is evening, and he is making a snack,
and rinsing knives and I catch my breath
at the sight of him.

He is so much a part of who I am...
He has been my 'other half' now
for over half of my life
and I can't imagine living any day
- the good or the bad -
without his steady heart,
constant faith,
and sense of honor.
These traits...
I didn't know how deep they ran
when we first met!

I was all of 21 and he...
well - he was an answered prayer
that I didn't know I had prayed for.

Whenever I share my testimony,
I share that I had the pleasure of falling in love
with both of my H(/h)usbands at the same time!
He - a pastor's kid with head knowledge
and a newly submitted heart,
and me - with heart knowledge
and a spinning mind,
finding balance and a firm foundation.
We were both trying to grasp
what we really believed
- on our own, and together!

This turns out to be the best decision I ever made:
to allow my heart to risk being broken
and to be "All In" with both Dave
and with Jesus!
Neither one of them
have let me down!

We live a charmed life
- not perfect... not easy...
but we are highly favored
and live in joy, peace, and love...
some days, choosing it fiercely,
on purpose, against all odds...
and some days it just seems natural
and not much of a choice at all!

This man of mine... he is a servant...
he loves to serve and give and encourage.
A true pastor if ever I have met one
(and I have met a few!)
He does the dishes, he does the laundry,
he does the gardening...
He does what is needed,
usually before I need to ask...
he does the fun stuff,
the easy stuff,
and the hard stuff
- sometimes all
in one day!

He is crazy Talented and amazingly Love...
he is the most consistent person
I have ever met
and he exudes more grace
than seems 'natural'.
When I am at the end
and lacking patience or strength
or whatever is needed at the moment,
he steps in and steps up.

He is the best father I have had the privilege to watch in action...
his girl knows that no matter what - at all times -
she is adored, and taken care of, and that he is proud of her.
To have that assurance that he is All In is such a picture of Christ
and to see him standing at that kitchen sink, rinsing dishes,
laughing side by side with our daughter, and serving all the while...
well - I must steady my heart
and remember to not put him
up on a pedestal!

I am blessed, and that would be easy to do...
because he is so much to me Jesus with skin on,
I have to remember that he is not perfect, he is not faultless...
but he is a beautiful visual and a loving representation of
the One who loves me best!
Yes, he points me to the lover of my soul...
but he comes in at a close second
when it comes to loving me
and taking care of us!

Yes - he stands at the sink - and lovingly serves...
he helps to wash away what doesn't belong...
what dirties and stains us...
we tend to gather here, in this kitchen...
often broken on this kitchen floor...
and we allow Dave and Jesus
to wash us clean.

So - honestly - I wrote all of this this morning...and then, this afternoon:

A text saying that he and Jesus had a talk about me...
and we are headed to South Carolina in October!
God opened some doors, and in doing that,
opened our hearts to possibilities,
and Dave will come with me to SC
as I attend #Allume this year...
and then we will linger a bit together
- heading East, or maybe West -
for a few days!

What a great way to enter in
to being Empty Nesters!

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~


I am linking up today with my sweet friend Kimberly Coyle as she hosts "Concrete Words"... where you take a concrete word and write about the abstract... today, the prompt today was: "The Sink"

When you Fall in love with the Word

After such a week...
& looking ahead to a
full & bossy schedule,
stumbling upon this
description of God...
Well - it took
my breath away!
I just love
The Message...
it's just
so Romantic!

I think I will ponder more
on this subject soon...
but for now...
a little rest
before the
craziness
begins!

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

Five Minute Friday - "JUMP"

I know I say it every FMF Post - but seriously ya'll - the #FMFParty over at Twitter on Thursday nights is the biggest blessing that has come my way in a long, long time! It has given me a Community that has welcomed me in and embraced me warm... I love how our chat times range from talking Mom stuff, Nutella, God stories, prayer requests, and... well - ball fringe alpacas, if you can believe that!

So - first - The fine print: if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at one minute past midnight Friday morning (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Five Minute Friday - JUMP...

{GO}

Jump!!!  Just inch those toes
right up to the very edge
of the Great Unknown...
and Jump!

It seems the wind has blown me up here...
all paths leading & intersecting
& pulling me up higher.

Higher must be good, yes?

I think so... it feels good...
the air is fresher,
& while my legs are on fire
& my lungs are burning...
I know higher is my goal -
so I push through the fatigue...
I push through the confusion
& the really really REALLY
wanting a guide -
like a real life Siri -
in the flesh,
& maybe with some
iced tea in hand.  

I push through,
expecting the reward to be this
amazing vista down below
- & a view out ahead that is
painted with color & magic.
I am expecting Heaven on earth
& I am learning that that is
not too much to ask for.

Instead I find myself at an unexpected cliff.
All roads led me to here...
there is no other way. 
But can this be right?
Did He really lure me
all the way up here
just to have me jump?

Everything you have learned
on the way up to Here
has prepped you, my Beloved... 

Jumping is Trusting...
remember how I am All In
& how I hold you in the palm of My hand?

Remember how I have called you
& gifted you & how this year...
yes, this year
- I promised you some
Surprises?

Jump, my dear...
Fly with Me!

{STOP}

So - that was not my normal (well - 'normal') approach... but there it is! No editing... no back tracking... and really - what more could I want? Is this not what we all want? A whisper... an invitation... a date to FLY... to Jump into this Great Adventure with both feet off the ground in a freefall?

Speak Life, Be Love, Shine On!

~Karrilee~

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts!
Click here to read what others have to say about "JUMP":


...and on a COMPLETELY non-related note...
"Alpacas are social herd animals that live in family groups..."

Can I get an Amen?

Throwback Thursday: When it's going way too fast...

This is Thursday...

This is what I believe the kids these days
(& tweeps everywhere)
call "Throwback Thursday"...

This is me writing about how
I can't believe how fast this year is rushing by
& how it really does feel like I blinked
& fast forwarded
from this:

to this:

Sigh...

(#TotesAdorbs - I know!)

I can still remember being a new Mom...
still trying to find a rhythm & confidence...
trying to look like I knew what I was doing
- way back when I used to care
or think that was even possible! -
I remember countless times
when the Mama's of
older (grown) littles
would warn,
"Don't Blink!"  

Oh, how I wish
I would have listened!

I didn't know...
- didn't understand...
I could never truly grasp
the depth of their hearts' cry...

I have an Only... 
One Shot at this thing called parenting...
   (A lot of pressure - on her & on us!)
She has been a joy to behold,
a heartbreak to let loose,
& an honor to claim as ours.

Although - really... really - she is His!

I remember when she was all of 4
& sitting on the foot of her bed
& praying with her as she asked Him in
& gave her life over to follow hard... 

I remember when she was 6
& would not back down 
& I came to her defense 
& stood tall behind her,
only to find she was bold-face lying...
her - (mine...) with curls & batting eyelashes,
justifying sin... 
at 6...

I remember when she was 8
& 10 & 12... (& yesterday)
when we would crack up out loud
- belly laugh with our mouths wide open
& heads tilted back...

Joy & Love & Grace infectious
- spilling out everywhere!

I remember the good times - yes...
the bad times - ...yes.

I remember that in EVERY time
- she held my heart in her smile,
& her sing-song voice that has always,
always sung my name... 

It seems I blinked & we went from
Grade school & playdates,
to Graduation & Prom!

We are dress shopping & waiting for her
Cap & Gown to arrive
& it just doesn't seem possible!

I went from Blinking unaware,
to Blinking back tears...
& I can't stop time.

I have loved every single moment...
even the hard eucharisteo's...
(thankfully they were few...
but hard & eucharisteo, they were!)
for through every moment...
she's remained right here,
by my side & in my heart,
under my skin right from the start.

She is a joy & a treasure
& something to behold...
and for her,

Life is just beginning...

& yet... she promises me...
in whispers at bedtime, 
& in the way she leans in to a hug,
she promises me that a part of her will
Never Grow Up...

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~