June 4, 2014

Words to Build a Life On


Here we are at the beginning of June and for many, this means end of school and hello summer, graduations and parties and less bossy schedules... 


...and here I am, helping my Only Girlie pack up her room and transfer her closet to a new address... and it makes a Mama catch her breath and promise not to cry... it makes her (me) want to be strong and more than anything - want to know that she has done at least SOME of the things 'right'... whatever that is, really.

I've written about it around these parts often - of how our nearly grown girlie is almost All Growed Up and how when she was younger, we wanted her life to be perfect and safe. Then we realized that is not ever an option and it turns out, what we really want is for her life to be His... same thing, only not

We want her life to be FULL... and this means good and bad, easy and hard, right and wrong... and all through out every turn, under His wing and in His heart.  

The Good News is He wants this too!

I mentioned earlier, last week maybe, how we feel like we somehow scored an extra year having her here at home... then again - we lost an entire year in piles on the kitchen floor  and God -He is all about redeeming that which was lost... 

I also wrote last week about how it is time and it is good... but it doesn't mean that we feel ready - or that she feels ready and there is grace that she is just down the road. (We honestly haven't had much of a chance to miss her yet because... well - food & wifi!)

But on Friday, we loaded her car and boxed up a life and drove it five minutes away to unload and settle in to the only 'new' room she has ever known and there is something steady and strong about stability and Home... but there is also something stifling and bubble wrapped a bit about never experiencing change and so we swallow back tears and we smile from way down deep because we know... truly... this is good!


I push back thoughts of not knowing where she is or what she is doing... of whether or not she made it home safe or if she remembers to lock her door...  of no more hugs goodnight as she stumbles sleepily down MY hallway, no more kisses goodbye before she starts her day.  I ignore the impulse to over-everything and instead I lean back and I thank God for texting and I let Him remind me that we lived our life out loud on purpose... that we gave her Jesus... that, as it reads in Matthew in The Message. we offered her the most important words...
"These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on." Matt 7:24
She is ready. She has the foundation and words to build a life on and it is time for her to go and begin building her own life - separate yet still intertwined with ours.

And there it is... back to Us and Ours that is more often than not 2, and no longer 3... and I am realizing that it is OK to miss what was most recently, while still remembering what was so long ago... and reaching ahead to recapture that Us again.  

My Honey and I... we have been feeling some growing pains and have been miscommunicating a little more than usual and we're roaming this empty quiet house, trying to find our way... but we are also holding hands a little more often... sitting in the silence, alone in our thoughts yet together in our reminiscing... side by side, dreaming once again about the 2 of us and what God has planned ahead, just out of sight... for her, yes - but for Us two too

All three of us are happy and sad and this is how life keeps going... this is how we let go and hold on... fingers intertwined, hearts held close, clipping ties, spreading wings, and praying for a cool evening breeze to softly, gently blow us into the New...

 and just the thought of it is like a breath of fresh air and it's saturated with Hope and Possibilities. And then I go and sit in her still messy (?) nearly empty room and this--? This just about right undoes me all over again:

Her Vanilla Bear - obviously well-loved...                    
because, of course... he stayed behind!                  

Leaning in to the wind... lifting wings and learning how to fly once again... feeling empty, but filling up!




P.S.  I'm linking up with:

Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory

Holley Gerth for #CoffeeforYourHeart

and Holly Barrett for #TestimonyTuesday


18 comments :

  1. Karrilee -- You're taking me back 5 years to when our daughter left for college ... I knew it would be tough, so I found a life coach to work with for the 6 months beforehand. It helped, but still ... had no idea how closely knit our lives were until she was gone! I love your point that you had to shift your thinking from wanting her life to be "safe" to wanting her life to be "His" and to be FULL. I stumbled onto those realizations far later than I wish...but God is good and offers so much grace!

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    1. Cheri... it's only been a week and I have seen her almost every day and still - it's a good change and a huge blessing and I may need reminding of both of those things in a few more weeks! ;) Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  2. Beautiful story. My sister will send her second daughter off to college this year and I know she is wondering where the time has gone. It sounds like you've done a phenomenal job raising your daughter and she soar from the foundation you and your husband helped build in her. Sending some hugs to your very fragile heart today. (I found you via Holley's link up)

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    1. So glad you stopped by... I can feel the hugs and prayers and I am so thankful for each and every one of them!

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  3. Beautifully blue and yet twinkling with hope. I love you, little Sis!

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    1. Thanks Sissy! I will see you in a couple of weeks! #thatwillhelp ;)

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  4. This is beautiful, Karrilee! So much beauty, truth, and tears here.

    Deb Weaver

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    1. Thanks my friend! So happy to see you here! Love you, friend!

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  5. Your writing and heart never fail to bless me!

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    1. And your love and encouragement never fail to bless me right back! :)

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  6. Oh, friend! Your words are beautiful. Your example, inspiring. Your heart, breathtaking. So much love to you!!!

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    1. Becky... thank you so much for consistently being in my corner and holding my heart!

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  7. Karrilee, your words are so encouraging to me at this moment. If all goes well and my daughter passes her final exams she will be going to University. She might be quite far from us... All the things you have described have crossed my mind... Tears, trying to learn that I will have to let go very soon as she is 19 yrs old and she will need to spread her wings as to where He leads her... One thing He has been speaking to my heart all these days is that she is His, not mine. He has plans for her and He will keep her from harm... Blessings to you from Athens, Greece!!! Your neighbour from Testimony Tuesday xxxx

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    1. Natasha... so our girlies are both 19 and leaving the nest so to speak! Isn't it just so easy to forget sometimes? -that they are His all along? Praying over both of our girls! (And Athens, Greece? Wow... it's on my wish list!) So happy you stopped by!

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  8. Karrilee, this is a hard time of life for a mama but it is a beautiful time too! You have spent the last 18 or 19 years preparing her for this day. She will fly...make some mistakes...need to run home again...and then soar again. And that's exactly what you want her to do! You want her to live the biggest life she can live. And when we let them do that, they will always come home again. Enjoy your empty nest, reconnect with your man, and listen for what God has next. The really cool thing is that while you are cheering on her life, she will begin to cheer yours too! Much love to you friend!

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    1. Holly... you know I love you right back! <3

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  9. So grateful for you, friend! XO

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    1. Oh my! Right back at you, Holley! So, so thankful for your words, your heart, your open arms and cozy spot that you so freely offer right beside you! XO

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Thanks so much for stopping by! I always love to hear your thoughts! Remember to: Speak Life - Be Love - Shine On!
~Karrilee~

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