Here we are at the beginning of June and for many, this means end of school and hello summer, graduations and parties and less bossy schedules...
...and here I am, helping my Only Girlie pack up her room and transfer her closet to a new address... and it makes a Mama catch her breath and promise not to cry... it makes her (me) want to be strong and more than anything - want to know that she has done at least SOME of the things 'right'... whatever that is, really.
I've written about it around these parts often - of how our nearly grown girlie is almost All Growed Up and how when she was younger, we wanted her life to be perfect and safe. Then we realized that is not ever an option and it turns out, what we really want is for her life to be His... same thing, only not!
We want her life to be FULL... and this means good and bad, easy and hard, right and wrong... and all through out every turn, under His wing and in His heart.
The Good News is He wants this too!
I mentioned earlier, last week maybe, how we feel like we somehow scored an extra year having her here at home... then again - we lost an entire year in piles on the kitchen floor and God -He is all about redeeming that which was lost...
I also wrote last week about how it is time and it is good... but it doesn't mean that we feel ready - or that she feels ready and there is grace that she is just down the road. (We honestly haven't had much of a chance to miss her yet because... well - food & wifi!)
But on Friday, we loaded her car and boxed up a life and drove it five minutes away to unload and settle in to the only 'new' room she has ever known and there is something steady and strong about stability and Home... but there is also something stifling and bubble wrapped a bit about never experiencing change and so we swallow back tears and we smile from way down deep because we know... truly... this is good!
I push back thoughts of not knowing where she is or what she is doing... of whether or not she made it home safe or if she remembers to lock her door... of no more hugs goodnight as she stumbles sleepily down MY hallway, no more kisses goodbye before she starts her day. I ignore the impulse to over-everything and instead I lean back and I thank God for texting and I let Him remind me that we lived our life out loud on purpose... that we gave her Jesus... that, as it reads in Matthew in The Message. we offered her the most important words...
"These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on." Matt 7:24
She is ready. She has the foundation and words to build a life on and it is time for her to go and begin building her own life - separate yet still intertwined with ours.
And there it is... back to Us and Ours that is more often than not 2, and no longer 3... and I am realizing that it is OK to miss what was most recently, while still remembering what was so long ago... and reaching ahead to recapture that Us again.
My Honey and I... we have been feeling some growing pains and have been miscommunicating a little more than usual and we're roaming this
empty quiet house, trying to find our way... but we are also holding hands a little more often... sitting in the silence, alone in our thoughts yet together in our reminiscing... side by side, dreaming once again about the 2 of us and what God has planned ahead, just out of sight... for her, yes - but for Us two too!
All three of us are happy and sad and this is how life keeps going... this is how we let go and hold on... fingers intertwined, hearts held close, clipping ties, spreading wings, and praying for a cool evening breeze to softly, gently blow us into the New...
Her Vanilla Bear - obviously well-loved...
because, of course... he stayed behind!
Leaning in to the wind... lifting wings and learning how to fly once again... feeling empty, but filling up!
P.S. I'm linking up with:Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory
Holley Gerth for #CoffeeforYourHeart
and Holly Barrett for #TestimonyTuesday