I survived Graduation Week by Counting On...

I'm barely breathing... just now able to slow it down and inhale deeply.

I haven't cried yet.

Oh - I mean - I have cried... but at the happy memories, at the other graduation ceremonies, at my own girlie tearing up and giving in to the ugly cry because she was oh so proud of friends who made it through despite some very real struggles... but for her, at her ceremony and beyond... no tears!?

People have asked me with real concern dripping sweetly from their tone, "How are you doing, Mama?" and much to everyones' surprise - I am doing fine.

I am blessed and honored to be the Mama to this precious one...

Her - with her soft heart, dry humor, and joyful spirit...

Her with the pride and prowess... her successes and failures... to have been given the task - the Gift - in raising this tiny human into one of the most amazing people I know... it truly has been (and continues to be!) my honor!

I don't feel like I am just holding on... or holding it all together, with gripping fingers and a walled up heart... I just think that sometimes the Gratefulness for what IS can outweigh the sense of loss for what is no longer... both in Graduation and seasons changing, and in real life; in choices made and lives lived on... and that is where I am at!

At this point - it's easier for me... she is not urgently planning an escape.  She is not leaving tomorrow for some far off land, or even a dorm room across the state.  Her plans are to remain close... if not in this house - at least close-by in this town.  It turns out - right now, it seems she likes us almost as much as we like her!

One of my favorite things that she started to say a year or so ago was this:

"I like you!"

Sure... she would explain - "Sure - I love you... I sort of have to love you guys... but I really like you too!"  She realized that this was not (-sadly) considered the norm among a lot of her peers.  She saw the gift - and counted it as one, consistently.  I loved it even more because it started off in a season of rebellion when things were not dream-like or perfect in this house... we were spending some serious time piled up in a heap on the kitchen floor - and yet - because we love her and she never ever ever once had to question that... even (maybe especially!) in the heat of teenagedom and navigating through brokenness and the laying down of some plans made long ago - she liked us!

She likes us still...

So this is how I survived Graduation Week... by Counting on... by listing the Gifts.  Not just the big ones, over the span of her life - being relived and recounted in reflections- but the Today gifts that may go unnoticed in the rush of the busy week...

#1267 - The tears of pride, flowing freely, for her friend graduated - on time - having had to learn Math and History and how to pass Science, while learning how to diaper, how to soothe, how to be a Mommy at such a young age.

#1268 - Her last ever DECA Banquet - in which she was honored and it hit her hard that these students would no longer be part of her routine and her Club Advisor would not be someone who would pour into her on a weekly basis any longer.

#1271 - Waterproof Mascara (and how!)

#1274 - The fact that even though she is not super School Spirity - this graduating class has so much school spirit that she couldn't but HELP to get caught up in some of it - the crowd surfing, the face painting, the ham passing/eating, the traveling and missing school to go to State Playoffs, the Ram Zone and how they lovingly called themselves a Ramily... it's something she will always remember as part of her high school experience!

#1275 - The Rammy Awards 'show' - where they all got dressed up and put on a glamorous Red Carpet show with scholarship awards and student voted categories like "Don't be that Guy/Girl" and "Most likely to show up late to Graduation" (of which she was - sadly - nominated!)

#1276 - Stepping up and supporting friends when it would be easier to give some distance and back away... Staying in Community - even when it's hard!

#1277 - The way she stands just like me - and puts ringlet curls in her hair on Graduation day... just like I did - and she does this unaware!

#1278 - Extending Grace but having Boundaries

#1279 - Getting our nails done together - in her School colors... one last time!

#1280 - Bravely wearing her heart on her sleeve and openly giving in to the emotions of the day... lovingly remembering the past, and boldly embracing the end of an era and the beginning of an age!

and this... Just now, this:

#1281 - "Tickle my back" texted to me seconds ago from her room, just down the hall...

...which is why this list is done (for now!)

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

(and this:)
#1282 - When I said, "What? Are you gonna text me when you're 30 and living in another state and ask me to come and tickle your back?" Her immediate response was, "I will never live in a different state, and yes! Yes I will!" (#Swoon!)

Linking up with Ann Voskamp today and her

Five Minute Friday - Fall

This week is full - of emotions, of reminiscing, of memories in the making, (and all the other more bossy, less fun stuff too!)  But - this? Well - this just takes 5 Minutes right? And as much as I have OH SO Missed the sisterhood of #FMFParty the past few weeks... I have purposed to remain Present and drink it all in!  (I hope to Party On next week!)

So - first - The fine print: if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at one minute past midnight Friday morning (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Five Minute Friday - FALL...

{GO}

I have fallen in love with my life this week.

With all the reminiscing and remembering... all sort of softened by the Grace of Glory being seen from 20/20 perspectives... the whole "If I knew then, what I know now"... reflecting back seeing how it was, and how it all turned out so far gives a dreamy filter to so many things - even the hard... even the "Oh how I wish that never happened"s...

In all of my pondering and holding precious these years that have flown right on by without my permission... I have cried out more than once in utter thankgsiving for such a gift as her.  Such. A. Gift.  I know that there have been times when she has felt less than that... I own my blame in that, but oh how I strive for her to always know...

Having an Only can put a lot of pressure on.  On her... on me... on us all.

We. Have. To. Do. This. "Right."

We got one shot...

She is amazing and so while we give Him most of the credit, I hope that we at the very least owned up to our failings and pointed her to Him who will never fail her!  We are far from done... this Parenting Gig... it never really ends, right? But our aim was to raise a person with whom we would want to hang out with... and honestly - she's our favorite!

Today - she will wear her Cap and Gown... she will walk the aisle and walk arm in arm with girlfriends with whom she has grown up with... they will remember the drama and heartbreak, the history-in-the-making and the mundane-routine of an era that is really all they have ever known up until now! They will move their tassel, and celebrate big and her eyes will search the crowd for me... For friends, yes... for her Daddy, of course... but it's that moment when her eyes meet mine through the throng that I just know... I will fall in love all over again!

{STOP}

In her honor... and for her Class of 2013... this is the song that keeps running through my head and that is right now, blasting loud in this house... Long Live

Speak Life, Be Love, Shine On!

~Karrilee~

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts!
Click here to read what others have to say about "Fall"

From the Archives... "Dear me" - a Letter to my Teenage Self

Well - I forewarned you earlier in the week that I may or may not make it over to this little corner of the web... I am here for a brief moment and thought I would take advantage of the fact that it is #ThrowbackThursday! So - in honor of that, and of my graduating girlie - I am reposting this piece that I wrote and linked up with Emily Freeman back in the Fall of 2012...

Enjoy!

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

Dear Me... a letter to my teenage self:

The first thing I want to tell you is... to just breathe!  In the future... as in right now - present day now, as a 40something year old woman - you are content and happy!  Happy - in your own skin, even - and it had nothing to do with all the worrying and wondering you do at 15 and 17 (and 20!)  You always were a thinker... a poet and a ponderer... those tendencies never leave you.  They are a part of who you are and you do learn to embrace them - while allowing your natural bent that goes to worry and fear to be reshaped and reformed!  I can assure you that years from now - Worry and Fear are not so close to you.  You all aren't such good friends anymore - and you are healthier for it! As an adult - your new bent is positive... full of Faith and Hope, and they make MUCH better friends!

Speaking of friends... it really is true that you will reduce to the lowest common denominator and you have been blessed with some great circles of friends.  As much as it seems impossible now - in just a few years - you will have an entirely difference circle... life moves on, college happens, jobs come and go, and these friends who you have literally grown up with, as well as some of the circles just around the corner, will not be a part of your daily life.  Years from now you will hear of places like MySpace and Facebook and Twitter.  You will try out all three... but it is Facebook that will help you reconnect with many of these great friends from childhood!  One thing will be in your favor... by the time Facebook comes around - you have come to know and actually love who you are and those high school temptations to try to fit in are long (long) gone! Be yourself sooner... no apologies... live out loud!

While you were right to stick to your guns about NOT wanting to meet and fall in love at 14... of wanting to grow up and be independent and know who you are first... you DID in actuality technically meet your husband at 14 - but you won't remember that until after you are dating... and while he is not what you think you want at 16, he is exactly what you need and an amazing man... he is worth the wait (and you won't have to wait much longer really!)

The things you value now at 16 - the things you are striving for and find vital to happiness will turn out to fade quickly and are not vital or important in the big picture of things - which, by the way, you begin to discover that Big Picture at 21.  What you think of as success (a perfect body, lots of money, and to get out of this little town - just to name a few) and the goals you have set right now will not come to pass... but don't worry - your life means something and you are successful in many of those hidden, undervalued ways that often seem to go unnoticed.  Trust me - they are not unnoticed - or unappreciated!

There are soon coming a few split-second moments that can (and will) alter the way you live your life... don't hesitate - go with your gutt... your first instinct is right!

Your love of words lives on and I would encourage you to keep at it! You will be a life-long journaler, note taker, list maker, day planner follower... but there is more to your writing than that! Stick with it.. and don't shy away from things when they seem hard.  Life (I have discovered in my 'old age') is to be an adventure - and risk is needed... don't be so afraid of trying... so afraid of change and failure... without risk of failure - you will find little success... Success will come in ways you cannot plan for - and yet in ways you would never trade in a million years!  I encourage you to step in to who you really are... don't be so shy, so reserved... people love you for who you are - your love, your tenderness, your dry sarcastic sense of humor... use it to reach out - not to tear down... it reveals the inner strength and resolve that many are surprised to find in quiet little you.

I remember how unsettled you were at the thought of being a Mom... you would worry about shortcomings and not doing it right... let me tell you - you DO have shortcomings, and some days, you DON'T do it 'right'... but you are an amazing Mom and together with your husband, and God, you are madly in love with this creature that looks like the best of you and the best of him.... this woman (yes - she is nearly a woman now!) amazes you every day... to have your heart out and about and walking around is risky... and sometimes it gets broken, but she is the best thing you have ever done! She is your biggest success, greatest risk, and deepest joy.

Remember how Mom would tell you all the time of the miracle surrounding your birth and how God had a plan and a purpose for you... that He used you to share love.  Well - as cheesy as it sounded back then, it turns out it is true!  You have always valued friendships and family and even when it seemed like you were the only one - you made relationships a priority.  You still do that... and God still desires to flow through you and love on those around you!  Let Him... it requires being vulnerable and honest and it is risky... but do it anyway!

Be Love,
from your future self,
~Karrilee~

(Oh - yes... eventually - you decide to grow into your FULL name!  Turns out it's meaning is "a cool restful place beside still waters" and you really liked that!)

For more Letters... check out Emily's blog, Chatting at the Sky .

Where I start to write a letter...

Yes... this is Graduation week around these parts and this is the first and last time that this will happen in this home.  We have an Only Girlie and she is all Grace and Light and Lovely.  She has been a gift-- A GIFT --to us from the very beginning, and every breath in between! The happy sighs, the sleepy shallow inhale and exhales, and even the jagged hard, gasping for air breaths, she has taught us much as we learned how to love, how to raise up a life, a whole person - trying to always point her to the One who gives Life every day.

So - in the midst of friends' graduations and parties, and her own end of the year/end of an era banquets and celebrations, while there is laundry to do, and parties to plan, corners to clean and company to prepare for - I decided that today was a good day to sit down and write her a letter...

Sure. Because I am not overly emotional and I have plenty of time for All the Things... 

Last night was the first Graduation ceremony we will attend this week.  The first of three - the last being her own.  Before that event, we went to her DECA Banquet.  She was President of her club this year and was honored to be named the DECA Member of the State... she has been involved in DECA for three years and it has taught her much.  Much more than she even knows or recognizes right now and she didn't expect the tears.  She didn't really think it would hit her hard - this End.  So by the time we got to her BFFs' graduation, well - she was already mascara-smeared and runny-nosed.  I wrote about these two yesterday here... amazing friends. 

As a photographer and scrapbooker - I tend to capture memories through my lens and I love this kind of art.  But after last night, I remembered that my mother had a tendency even in the middle of mothering three and working two jobs and juggling way too much (as us Moms tend to do!) - she found time to write a note or a letter on the important days.  My favorite, and the one I still have and pull out every year, is the one she wrote me (and one for my Honey as well!) on our wedding day!  I made a mental note, way back then, that I wanted to do that too! As a writer - I journal and blog and 'write letters'  to  about her on a regular basis, but today I wanted to sit down and on purpose, write her a letter.

Easy Peasy, right?

Just jot down how proud we are and how much we love her, how we have faith in her and the future He has for her... but these are things she knows! Thank God - she KNOWS... because that tagline God gave me this year is more than a tagline in this home and in these hearts.  This is how we have lived life and raised her up. As we have aimed to Be Love, to Speak Life, and to Shine On... she has watched and learned... she has we all have benefited from this goal... sometimes easy... sometimes honestly oh so hard!  

So - after the Congratulations and the reminiscing, after the We're-so-proud's and the We-tried-not-to-Blink's... came the revelation that This. Can't. Be. Done.

This letter... this Releasing and Imparting into her all that I know now... all that we love about her and have learned from her -and from Him, as we tried to raise her up... I sat down to pen this message to reach into her heart - as if one card, one letter... or even one library could hold all the words and all the love that we have for her... it felt silly to even try!

She has been my heart beating on the outside... and I have always felt so honored to be her Mom.  We share a connection that runs deep and speaks truth and shares joy... secrets can't be held for long and one glance of knowing can bring forth whatever is needed in the moment: tears or laughter... both flow freely.  We somehow skipped out on the Western Culture right of passage... the rolling of eyes, the glaring, the attempt at doors slamming, words cutting, and hate radiating off of walls built high.  I know I am fortunate for this... but don't think for a moment that that means we have been spared some Eucharisteos of our own.  No - there have been times when the air was heavy with heartbreak and the walls were being built unaware.

But when Grace is poured out and an atmosphere of Peace is created on purpose... anger and unforgiveness can't abide for long. God has been gracious... and through the ups and downs, through every season - the good and the bad hard, He redeems and restores and stirs up a love that is fierce.

So the letter will have to be Part One of an ongoing series and much of it is private... for her eyes only. But I will press on and write down the summary of what I have learned in this season - during these last 13 years of her schooling: 

You never stop learning, but it can be your choice how many lessons you will need in order to actually KNOW something... 

Pay Attention and Live Out Loud... 

Take notes... in class, in life, on all topics, through all seasons...

Study - books and people and Him and His ways... 

Be Yourself -your TRUE self! If you don't know who you are... Study you and ask Him... and give yourself some Grace!

Find and Follow your Passion... no matter where it leads (gasp... for real though, baby!)

Take Risks - for you were made for adventure!

Live like you are a Gift... to us, to others, to Him
- because you are! Oh how you are!

Lastly - as you snapped that sad 'last school lunch ever' picture and Instagrammed it yesterday, I was remembering your first ever school lunch and how it was first grade and we packed a lunch together the night before... You were so unsure and shy - barely using your words in front of others and the thought of you being gone from me all day was almost too much to bare - for you and for me... I remembered that after I laid with you and prayed with you and tickled your back and sang you to sleep (Thank you, btw, for still asking me to do this from time to time... you just have no idea what it does to this Mama's heart!)...

...After you slipped off to sleep, sweetly breathing in and out, clinging hard to the safety of VanillaBear, with your curls all messy around your head like a crown of glory, I left the comfort of snuggling close and wrote a little note of letting go, and I slipped it into your lunch box.

I believe it to be true today... as much or more than it was on that day so long ago, and this is what it said:

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."   ~A. A. Milne 

Promise me, girlie...  you'll always remember!

Be Love. Speak Life. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

Behind the Scenes - They're a Real Treat!

OK... so - I may not be 'playing' right, but the adorable Crystal Stine is hosting a link up today and because my week is crazy - I thought... wow - that sounds so fun! I will have to play that one day.  You know, in the future... as in, one OTHER day... 

But then I read a few of the posts and I couldn't help myself from jumping in... 

By 'not playing right' - I mean that this first snapshot is just that... a snapshot.  Not really Instagram (as if I had a phone that smart) or Pinterest worthy... and yet - here it is:

This was taken on Sunday.  It is my precious Girlie on the left and her BFF on the right.  It is her BFF's birthday/graduation party.  She was supposed to get up there and share a story or a memory, but before she was even singled out and pushed up front, she was a mess.

My tender-hearted, resist-change, wants-everything-to-stay-the-same girlie has not - shall we say - had a hard time crying as of late!  She is emotional and I mean that in all the best ways!

So she goes up trying to steady her voice, and - you know - basically not blubber AND do the ugly cry.

Yeah... she couldn't not do any of that... which caused her BFF to cry... which brought them both instantly into hysterical laughing... and ended with some incoherent mumblings and a hug.

These girls... unexpected friends since the end of middle school.  They went through all the awkward and drama-filled years of junior high together... church youth group outings, summer camps, small group gatherings, sleep-overs, sickness, hearts breaking (and breaking... and breaking)... Each of them found themselves in situations over their heads and when they needed a life line... a voice of reason (that was not their moms!)... a sister who offered Grace and Forgiveness, Hope, Love and Laughter - they found it in each other!

Friends through some major life challenges... holding each other up... lifting each other up... making fun and light at times - and talking real and blunt at others... they have helped to grow each other up and after all the Hard... I am so glad that they can still have this:

Yeah... they're a real treat!

Linking up with Crystal at:

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.

~Karrilee~

On BBQs, Beauty, & Blinking...

To Celebrate Saturday, and to Welcome in June, and to Kick Off Summer, we decided to invite over a couple of friends with whom we have done Life with... We grilled up a heap of veggies and threw on some steaks - and enjoyed our dinner alfresco as the sun was setting slow, and the Garden was all aglow!

We don't talk about what is on our hearts... no - we don't even reminisce about the growing up years.

Instead, we laugh over card games and share coffee too late into the evening, we share inside jokes and drink in the glory of flowers in bloom... ivy and rose bushes and peonies planted years ago that just keep on giving beauty - year after year... right alongside our lives living close. Through the winters and summers and falls... these plants are rooted in deep and bring forth life. Is this not us? Is this not our goal?

The rose bush, she gave me as a birthday present over a dozen or so years ago... 'because your husband can't take a hint and never remembers that your favorite roses are Yellow'... the peony was a transplant from her mothers' garden in another city... 

Our babies/girlies are graduating high school this week... we've raised them up and planted seeds... praying to see a harvest of beauty unfurl in and all around them, as they venture off and out into this next new season... 

From way back then, we envisioned their lives to be picture perfect.  Now... well, now we know better and we pray for vision to see their lives through His... through His plans and purposes for them, (not our own!), through His Abiding Love and His Abounding Grace... 

...and we are! We are seeing glimpses of them through His eyes... and they are glorious!

And yet... for this night... on a Saturday... in June... we don't discuss them.  We don't remember or worry ahead... we don't make plans or talk regrets...

Instead we unwind, we disconnect a little at a time as this next season requires it... we laugh deep and love true, and for a split second here and there over cups that are full with caramel lattes and reminders on the rims, eyes lock and that knowing look is shared and we remember to be grateful...

This is a full week of crazy celebrating... lots of opportunities to Count On and make lists...

Please forgive me if I don't make it over to our little cozy corner here much this week - I have plans to, but with multiple graduations, parties, family visiting, surgery tomorrow, and wanting to stay present and grateful in all of the moments, I am hoping you will extend me some grace... and prayers, as well!

My heart is to share this week with you as it unfolds, however you may end up getting a recap once it is all over!  But for now... count along with me, won't you?  What are you thankful for this week?

3 Gifts - Sweet, Salty, Sour:
#1232. Sweet - Carrot Cake w/Cream Cheese Frosting
#1233. Salty - Special K Honey BBQ Chips
#1234. Sour - Lemons

3 Gifts Found in Community:
#1235. Support
#1236. Company/Connection
#1237. Iron Sharpening Iron
   (getting a chance to work on our rough spots!)

#1238. My Girlie making a DQ run to buy Blizzards as a rare splurge
   (with her own $$$)
#1240. Clearing skies after 2 days of rain.
#1241. Sharing the Best & the Worst of our week in our small group.

3 Gifts Hard Giving Thanks for:
#1245. Jacks Diagnosis
#1246. A Friends Rebellion
#1247. The End of a Season (...it came too soon!)

3 Gifts Worn, White, Whispered:
#1248. Worn - The ring that Lorraine gave me.
#1249. White - A blank Canvas, matched with a new vision or idea!
#1250. Whispered - Sweet Something as we drift off to sleep with a cool night breeze softly caressing over us.

#1257. Kayelyn & Bry's friendship... how they love, & laugh, & talk real
#1258. Our little Garden... full of color!  Giving Joy and Beauty to all who pass by... inviting us to slow down... to pause and drink in the beauty...

#1259. Graduation week is upon us...
#1260. Trying not to Blink this week - but to stay fully Present in every moment!
(Grateful that when we stay present, we slow down time!)
#1261 - A Daddy who has loved our Girlie like THIS:
50 Rules for Dads of Daughters...

Linking up with Ann with no 'e' and the Multitudes on Mondays:

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

Imagine... {Five Minute Friday}

I missed out once again last night - not making it back home in time to join the #FMFParty on Twitter. That makes two weeks in a row... and sadly will most likely mean three weeks in a row because next week... -well, next week is full of All Things Graduation and that means that we will have an Awards night and a friends' graduation on Wednesday, Baccalaureate and another friends' graduation to juggle next Thursday, my Girlies' graduaton on Friday, and an Open House Party for her on Saturday. Yeah - so the chances of me being at the Twitter Party next week is pretty much zero - but I hate to just come right out and say it! I miss the Community... the support and encouragement... the prayers and the laughter! But this... well - this is why I missed out last night:

(Dreamy, right? The lighting was magical!)

So - first - The fine print: if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at one minute past midnight Friday morning (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Five Minute Friday - IMAGINE...

{GO}

With all this Graduation talk, I have found myself remembering the past, and imagining the future... envisioning a life without high school drama and early mornings running out the door... I'm thinking of dinners and breakfasts and movie nights for two, instead of three.  Don't get me wrong - as much as I love my Girlie and am not looking forward to her packing up her closet for the first time ever, and the quiet that will inevitably fall on our home - I AM looking forward to this next season.

I know it will still - it will ALWAYS still include her... but there will come a day - whether it hits me this summer, or in the Fall, or in two years - there will come a day when my Girlie falls asleep in her bed at another address.  But with the passing of one season - comes the unfolding of the new!

I am beginning to imagine a future... a bit more romance, and a little less busy... maybe more traveling and weekend getaways and probably less milk and Nutella in the kitchen! (ya see what I did there?)... I am beginning to imagine a future that is getting less uncertain, less intimidating, and more full of promise!

After all - I think I have read somewhere before that all of His Promises are Yes and Amen and I can imagine that after the busyness of next week - with all the reflecting back and pointing towards the future - I will be ready to lean in to some of the new; I will be ready for some of the Yeses and Amens!

{STOP}

What about you?  What are you leaning in to? What are you imagining as of late? I'd love to pray with you and come in agreement for some Yeses and Amens for you as well!

Speak Life, Be Love, Shine On!

~Karrilee~

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts!
Click here to read what others have to say about "Imagine"

From One Mama to another... on What I've Learned So Far...

In which I write about what I know now... from one Mom to another - just in case it may help. So let's sit back and chat over a cup of something yummy... let's Talk Real, Live Honest, and Offer Hope...

Let me start by assuring you that what I actually DO know now is still not much... I am no expert! But what I've learned over the past 18 years, well - most of it I had to learn more than once!

So, first off - the lie that you have blown it... well - it's just that - a lie! Trust me, for there have been more times than I could count when I was pushed down low with that one, but more often than not we get another chance to try... another chance to choose a different reaction or approach. We get – if not a Do Over – at least a Do It Again, and maybe next time- maybe next time, we'll have learned.

Next up: There is no way you could've known beforehand... no amount of studying could have prepared you enough to understand the shift in balance of your universe the first time your eyes locked on to this miracle of flesh and blood - of your very heart beating now, breathing now, on the outside of you. So relish in it... be amazed by it - by her or him... and then, turn your attention to the Father who so gets it!

He understands that feeling - that love... that I-would-do-anything-for-you emotion that rises up... He understands it, He meant it - and no matter what is wrapped or naked, cradled or cracked - He means it still.

Also, you know this: that there will come a day when you miss those Po Na Na's (you know... the little ponytails that stick straight up with toddler curls!) You will miss the chubby thighs and cheeks (that one day you will swear up and down and promise that neither thighs NOR cheeks are chubby... You will PROMISE!) You'll long for the days of innocence first trying on a lie... of the sneaking that is anything but sneaky... and of drama with friends when it involved playgrounds and recess more than facebook and snapchat!

What you may not know is this: You'll even miss the attempt at slamming doors, eyes rolling at epic proportions, & words escaping without thought - or worse yet - with a lot of thought, intended to cut. You'll miss the heart break (theirs and your own), the yelling, the garbage not picked up, and the piles of laundry – intermixing and co-mingling and the who-can-know-if-it's-clean's. Yes - even this, you will miss!

And let me tell you why:

Because all of it – the good and the 'bad' – all of it means you are living a life out loud. You're creating a family and that is messy and hard, sometimes – but easy and joy-filled at other times. Hopefully, you're pouring out the very heart that was broken and poured out for you... you're learning from your mistakes... and from theirs... and the one piece of advice I have to offer- the most important thing I have learned is this:

I have learned a secret... it's both terrifying and freeing at the same time and here it is:

There is no One Way...

...no perfect, tried & true way to raise a child... and even if there was, there is no guarantee!

I know some of us (ahem) like the idea of following in the footsteps of other successful parenting stories, but you can do all the things right - and they can still choose a less-than-stellar path... or you can do all the things wrong, and they can choose the straight and narrow!

I used to look around me, trying to judge what went wrong or what others were doing right. It was a mildly hidden form of comparison, but I did it silently and under the guise of 'learning from others' mistakes' in order to map out a plan. But here's the deal - we get moments to sow, to speak, and to pray into them. We must take those moments, jumping in with all that we've got. But we're raising tiny humans and they'll one day choose their own maps, their own plans, and dream their own dreams!

The thing that you can always do... the one thing that will always hang on, always hold through, and always win out? It's His way: Consistently strive to pour out Love and offer up Grace, for them and for you!

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

* I originally wrote this as a guest post, but I just couldn't leave it in my Drafts folder - unpublished, unread... and then I read THIS by the amazing Sarah Markley - in which she oh so beautifully expresses the same thought... 

Linking up today with Barbie over at The Weekend Brew:

Being Fully Invested...

"I  live in a small town.  The same small town I was born and raised in. I have been blessed with friendships over the years that have stood the test of time (and the tests of the enemy!).  Some have been but for a season and we either grew apart, parted ways, or simply got busy with new hobbies and new people.  However, it’s those forever friends that test you the most… that see you at your best and at your worst… and that often require the most Grace from you..."

I am honored to be writing over at Embracing Grace today on being fully invested in friendships!  Come over and let me know how you invest...


Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

His View is Inspired and Romantic

So - yesterday, as I wrote out my Five Minute Friday post, this is part of what poured out at the end:

"As I reflect back over the past 18 years - smoothing over the rough spots, and joyfully reliving the highlights - I am reminded of the One who sees all and knows all and holds us all in close.  Nothing surprises Him or catches Him off guard - and I reflect back and I see His hand so clearly through out all of the years... hedging in, building up, breaking through... and His View of us is always eternal... He is inside and outside of time and when He looks on us, He sees not just who we are now, but who we will be and who He created us to grow into."

Well - my five minutes were up and yet, I wanted to pursue this line of thinking; this remembering that His View is what matters most and how He sees us is the most accurate 'us' that we can grow into being!

I was just reading in Matthew the other day of Peter, and how he was bragging to the Lord that no matter what happened - he would never deny Jesus!  (Matt 26:30-35) Aaah Peter... how we love him! (How we so often are just like him!)  He - who was so zealous for the Lord - was stating what his heart hoped to be true... but Jesus sees inside and outside and He knew that while Peter wanted what he said to be true - the truth was that when pressures came - Peter would fall short, hunch down, and hide... Jesus knew that Peter would deny Him - and yet He still took him with Him to the garden to pray just minutes after He revealed this fact to Peter. 

I love how the Lord didn't allow Peters' shortcomings to limit the calling on his life.  He didn't look at Peter and his quick temper and 'shoot first, aim later' approach to life... instead, He called him the Rock and he gave him chances time and time again! I love how Jesus comes to Peter after he denied the Lord... after the death and resurrection, and He restores him three times... three times he asks Peter a question and three times he gives him direction.

I pray you caught that... Jesus is not caught up on your sins or your failures.  He's not surprised by them and he's not holding them against you - or holding good things from you because of poor choices.  He paid the price... He gave Himself... and when He looks on you, He sees His beloved... the one He is ridiculously in love with! His View of you is one of Beauty and Grace... one of a Completed work and a Spotless Bride, a Cherished Princess (or Prince) and the one who has stolen His heart!

I can guarantee you, when you look at Him...
you take His breath away...
When you sing His praises,
or let His name pass over your lips
- you bring a smile to His...
When you cry, 
when you want to pray in faith
- but it feels more like desperation - 
...it breaks His heart
and oh how His heart beats for you-
just for you!

He wants you to know...
His thoughts are higher than our thoughts - yes
... but we've now been given the mind of Christ!
He WANTS you to know...

He wants you to know that
He is crazy mad about you - not AT you!
He is romantic and graceful,
so forgiving and all southern charm.

His View of you has captured His heart
and you have become His desired one.

He's coming after you,

and you had Him at Hello!

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

I am linking up with Barbie over at My Freshly Brewed Life for The Weekend Brew:

The View from Here... Five Minute Friday

I hated to miss out on all the fun of #FMFParty last night... but between a sick girlie, still being limited to my laptop, battling a headache myself, and 'playing' with old pictures - well, my energy was zapped and my focus was a little scattered at best.  So rest won out... but know that you were all missed!

So - first - The fine print: if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at one minute past midnight Friday morning (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Five Minute Friday - VIEW ...

{GO}

In two weeks, my girlie will be walking down an aisle... marching ceremoniously, keeping time with music, and I can only imagine that a midst the pomp and circumstance and all the caps and gowns, my View will be a bit teary, eyes swelling with flashback memories and a good dose of thankfulness. But that is getting ahead of myself...

This week?  This week - this is my View:

Snapshots of a life unfolding... of a love growing...
snapshots of the best thing I have ever done getting taller...

My, how time just slips right on by
when you are not paying attention!

My, how I wish I could slow it down,
drink it in, and not blink!

There will come a day when she will once again walk down an aisle,
march side by side, and cause memories to come flooding back...
but here I am, getting ahead of myself!

As I reflect back over the past 18 years - smoothing over the rough spots, and joyfully reliving the highlights - I am reminded of the One who sees all and knows all and holds us all in close.  Nothing surprises Him or catches Him off guard - and I reflect back and I see His hand so clearly through out all of the years... hedging in, building up, breaking through... and His View of us is always eternal... He is inside and outside of time and when He looks on us, He sees not just who we are now, but who we will be and who He created us to grow into.  

And as proud as I am of her...
she's not done yet!
And oh my heart,
how she shines...

{STOP}

Hmm - I really didn't want to write about my girlie - yet again - but as you can see, she just seeps in to everything I do!  (Finding the pictures definitely didn't fall in the 5 minutes... but oh how it was my favorite art!) Of course - this line of thinking of what HIS View of us is has stirred me up!  I think I will continue that  thought in another post for tomorrow! Look for it over at Barbie's at The Weekend Brew!

Speak Life, Be Love, Shine On!

~Karrilee~

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts!
Click here to read what others have to say about "View"

From the Archives: Why I Write...

From the Archives, for #ThrowbackThursday... originally posted on 12/17/12

Why I Write...

My new friend Kimberly Coyle over at find time for tea has been blogging about writing and creativity this week and she got me to thinking... why is it that I write? Sometimes it feels like it is for Him... often times I'd like to think it is for you... and a lot of the time it feels like it is all for me! Honestly, I can't remember a time when I didn't write?  I am what you call a Journaler…

...from the age of locked diaries hidden beneath beds, all the way through the poetry phase and crumpled up stories littering the floor, to the moment I met Him… (& ‘him’ – meeting both Jesus & my earthly husband at the same time!)

I write because it's a call… it is part of who I am!  I journal everyday happenings, I write note cards to friends, send emails to family far away, I blog about hobbies and daily life and how He is so madly, madly in love with us.  All of it, with the hope that He spills through the ink, reaches through the screen, and that He will transform even a simple line into a breakthrough for the ones who will receive it!

It seems everywhere I go, the Lord is stirring up creativity and wanting each of us to know that we ARE creative!  We are created in His image… part of our identity is wrapped up in eyes that can glimpse beauty and hands that make Glory be seen. No matter if you consider yourself artsy, or crafty, or creative, or not - you ARE, because He is!   This year the Lord has reminded me again and again of the power of words; the creative power of words.  He has taught me to speak on purpose, with purpose!  He has called me to speak Life and speak Love and speak into those hurting and lost - to tell them what good that I see in them; what it is that God sees in them.  For He looks at us outside of time and see us EXACTLY how He created us to be!  And that is my Call – to write about Him… and who we are in Him, and part of what I love most about writing is spending time with Him… catching a vision, and painting it out with words.

My hearts’ desire & why I write is that He will move in it and through it not only to touch my heart, but to touch yours!  For my life message is wrapped up tight in those childhood diaries filled with dreams, that teenage poetic heart, and those young adult fresh eyes, seeing grace freely handed out some 20 years ago, for the first time! It’s also wrapped up in the now daily life of bossy lists and everyday realness of being a wife and a mom, a daughter, sister, friend... My life message is written down, so that it may encourage me on tough days, remind me when I forget, and be a testimony when I am gone!

I encourage you to journal your walk with Him, what He is speaking to your heart, and watch and see what He will pour out through your words!  Whether it turns into a book or not… or if you even mean for it to, it is YOUR story... a legacy to pass down to the generations that follow!

I stumbled upon an old treasure on a few years back while going through boxes of pictures with my mother:  a very old, crumbled, yellowed-with-age poem, handwritten by my Grandmother… it was her story…  it is my story… and THAT is why I write!

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.

~Karrilee~