I was doing great... well, at least fine. I was doing fine - but not in that snippy-response,-push-all.-the.-feelings.-under-the-carpet kind of fine. Fine - as in, honestly - I was feeing like I was doing fine...
I had thought about writing a follow up post on how laying down my #LoveIdol went for Lent... on how I was feeling like I was walking taller and stooping down to Self-Doubt and Hesitation way less often. I have no plans of propping those idols back up. I walked in such freedom and in a fuller sense of feeling like I really am enough, simply because I am His. I don't know that I can, in all honesty, say that I am free all day, every day. But I am walking in freedom and on most days since the beginning of this challenge through Lent, I battle less, and win more. So, you see? I was fine... better than fine really... until, all of the sudden, I wasn't so much.
Oh how those little idols can crawl back up so sneaky like and if we are not careful, they can just make themselves right at home again. As previously stated... I was fine!
During Lent, as I was learning to live without hestitation... to say Yes more quickly and wholeheartedly... as I was standing tall in God-confidence, I was also gaining weight, detoxing (which made me look like the classic preteen 'before' picture in an acne commercial), and trying to plan another gathering in my home with little to no RSVPs coming in. I felt a little spacey that I was really feeling great, despite my circumstances... then our budget was stretched even further, and someone stole our identity... and... well, you get it.
It was a lot at once and I was super busy... (my first clue!) Instead of giving myself a little slack and some room to breathe, I was adding things to Bossy Lists and entertaining self talk that was less than positive (my second clue!) and then swung over into being all justify-y about everything.
In the midst of being over busy, over tired, and over budget, I began an old familiar rant conversation with God that started out something like, "You are the One who asked me to do this... I am doing this and trying to trust that You are gonna make something beautiful out of my mess. You know how much I have on my plate (as if it's His fault...or even His idea!) and you know my heart here..." This quickly shifted into the beginnings of a pity party ("I know you have called me to create community but... it is never easy... no one will come... I just can't ever do it right/good enough...") and once I recognized the whine in my own voice, I had one of those glorious Snap Out of It moments.
Whew... that was close!
You see, what was happening was that I was whining myself right back in to Self Doubt and Hesitation... The Maybe's began to enter in to my thoughts... Maybe I'm not supposed to be doing this. Maybe I just decided it on my own. Maybe He really didn't ask me to step out like this. Maybe no one will show up. Maybe too many will show up. Maybe I should stop trying to (fill in the blank here, you get the idea!)
All those Maybe's are dangerous. But when I remember... when I remind myself again and again - that I am Preapproved, that I am enough, because He is enough, then all my Maybe's change. He swoops in and shifts my mindset back to all the possibilities of Maybe.
Maybe I'm AM supposed to be doing this and this resistence is just confirmation. Maybe He really did ask me and equip me and give me ideas to step out like this and make it special. Maybe whenever I say Yes, He shows up... Maybe if I feel called to bless and love and connect, it's just a hint at how much He wants to bless and love and connect. Maybe only a few will show up - but He will be among us. Maybe too many will show up - and He will be among us... either way, He will be here and too many or too few doorprizes... I really don't think... well - Maybe that is so not the point of it all anyway!
It's not coincidence that I am reading "Rhinestone Jesus" by Kristen Welch right now... the hashtag that is riding along with this new release is #YesinmyMess and the tagline to the book is "Saying Yes To God when sparkly, safe faith is no longer enough." Yeah. That.
So - I escaped for an overnight getaway with a few girlfriends. Sometimes you just gotta know when to get away... go for a drive... get out of town if possible, laugh with friends. We all had been bowing down, looking for approval, searching for answers that we already knew. Him... He is always our answer and strong tower.
My Honey, who is amazing, said Yes (in my mess! Ya see what I did there?) and he said "Go!"... so I did. (Real quick like!)
And now, with a little rest, my even more so overstretched budget, and my bended knees, I am finishing up the touches to the (in)RL Meet up on Saturday. I have talked myself down from the Freak Out ledge and managed to not give in or make room for Self Doubt or Hesitation to get all cozy and comfy. Anyone is welcome on Saturday and only God knows who He will bring to my doorstep, but I know that those old love idols will not be hiding in the house, messing up my hostess mojo.
I am Preapproved. I am saying Yes in the middle of my Mess because while I AM Enough, a safe, quiet, risk-free closed door faith just doesn't cut it... and me? Well - I was made to create Community... to Speak Life... to Be Love... to Shine On!
I am honored to be a part of Kristen's Book Launch Team and Tyndale has been gracious enough to give me TWO books to Giveaway to two lucky readers. I am not finished yet, so I am saving one book to giveaway next week on the Official Launch date, when I write out my book review (hint - I love it already and I am only a few chapters in!) but today - in honor of pressing through, of laying down again those love idols, and saying #YesinmyMess, I am hosting a Giveaway for ONE COPY of Rhinestone Jesus... just enter below!
If you are not familiar with (in)RL it is the Women's Conference that comes to you! It is free, and it is happening online on Friday night, and all around the world in living rooms and churches and coffee shops on Saturday! For more info or to register, click HERE.
I'm linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory
...with Kristen Welch over at We Are That Family, promoting #RhinestoneJesus
and with Holley Gerth for #CoffeeforYourHeart
How have you said Yes in your Mess recently? I'd love to hear!
Not sure about saying yes in my mess...unless that means anytime I say yes! I have only a couple of friends coming for inRL and I am feeling like it needs to be relaxed and informal. IT's all I am capable of at the moment. ANd every time you tell me all of your preparations my stomach turs a teeny bit. I am saying yes to doing this and offer wine, chocolate and some other good food. But fingers crossed on everything else, and homemade gifts due to our crazy life and budget. ANd with our computer in the fritz, an old TV, and chaos trailing in hot pursuit, I am hoping that His faithfulness will pull through ever so graciously.
ReplyDeleteOh Dawn... His faithfulness always pulls us through! So happy to be hosting (in)RL with you - even though we can't be in the same room... or state... or side of the country! Just knowing we are in it together, saying Yes in our Mess because He calls us to community... it helps me breathe deeper and relax! (All the fancy extra's are not important... casual and low key is AWESOME! I am, as you know, a Pinterest girl - but I also have to stay over on the Reality side of it all and I can't do all. the. things. - but I do love doing at least some. of. the. things.!) Can't wait to hear how your meet up goes! Praying for you, friend and so proud that you stepped up to host this year!
DeleteI am so excited that you are giving away this book! It's on my to-read list but the book-buying budget just won't hold it right now...let alone the stack of books I need to be reading! But I would love to win a copy and would read it right away. Recently I have said yes in the middle of my mess to a leadership opportunity. We'll see if it comes through but I'm excited about the possibilities. Thanks for sharing so transparently, Karrilee. Glad you got a way for a while and glad you came back!
ReplyDeleteHolly, I am so excited for you for this new opportunity! I will be praying! I so get you about the book wants and budget and how those two things along with the 'need' just don't always match up! Good luck! (I am giving away another copy next week too - so check back!) LOL - coming back was never in question but getting away was much needed! ;)
DeleteOh, I am with you on falling apart when I meet resistance! The first place my mind goes is, "Wait... am I not supposed to be doing this?" which is really silly because I *have* sledgehammered through doors that God has closed and I know what that feels like - really, really bad. I'm still learning to be encouraged by opposition...
ReplyDeleteI've loved seeing all the pics of your (in)RL preparations - and wishing I didn't live in Arkansas, so I could come to your gathering! <3 You've put so much thought into it, I'm sure each lady that comes will feel welcomed and have a wonderful time.
Oh I would love to have you here at inrl Sarah Jo! I know that wherever you are - you will be a blessing! And yes - i have pushed my fair share of ways through closed doors as well as hesitated too long in front of open ones! But - praise God - we are learning, right?
DeleteI am praying that each lady really DOES feel welcomed and blessed!
Thanks for stopping by!
I hope to get to an IRL this year. But, I have a commitment at church that I am trying to weezel my way out of. If had to say yes to laying some things down, in the middle of my mess, in the hopes that I will have a not so messy life. I'm still in such a strange season. Oh girl, I wish I could come sit on your couch on Saturday!
ReplyDeleteBarbie... I hear you and I am so proud of you for following through... for laying down some things that were weighing down your life. We can tend to be Yes people - even when He hasn't asked us to say Yes. The key is pressing in and finding if it is was Him asking... or if He is in it at all. Praying you through this season my friend... into the next one (where you will be well-rested and ready for what He has for you!) I encourage you to log in to inrl even if it is on your own on your couch - but oh how I would LOVE for you to be on MY couch on Saturday!
DeleteI want to google hangout into your inRL. A few women from my church and I are going to be doing something together (probably watching in inRL ) in May because we couldn't make the dates work this weekend..
ReplyDeleteBut for now, this inRL cheese stands alone with no gathering to go to. I am going to "host" the gathering in May at someone's house (mine isn't going to work).
I find myself saying no much more often then yes these days. In fact, just the other day my pastor emailed me to ask if I would do something for him. It took guts to turn him down, but right now I'm only saying yes to the best things.
NJ - If I wasn't so technically challenged - I'd say yes - let's Google Hangout you right on in to my inrl! I am using my laptop for the streaming so I'm not sure how it would work... but how fun would that be? At the very least - log in and watch on your own... and we can vox about it afterwards! ;)
DeleteThat learning when to say no and when to say yes is tricky - and as a Mama of littles - it is vital! There are so many great things we can say yes to - but really, we all should only be saying yes to the best things... the things that He is calling us to! Proud of you for leaning in and learning this skill early on, my friend!
Oh I love this- And I want to read that book!!
ReplyDeleteI am really loving it! I was hoping to dive in deeper to it this week but it's been a little crazy around here and inrl is Saturday - so hopefully over the weekend, I can decompress with it a bit! I know I'm like a broken record recently with all the good books - but I do highly recommend it! Vox you soon my friend!
DeleteThe older I get the more difficult it is for me to say 'Yes' to things that are outside of my comfort zone. This weekend our school is taking all of the students camping--I love camping, but we will be in charge of our faculty family--four beautiful teenage girls (one of which wins surly-girl-of-the-year award). This is WAY outside of my comfort zone--I like my little space and my routines. But I'm saying 'Yes' and praying that God will equip me.
DeleteAnita, I am praying for you and just know that God will show up and has ALREADY equipped you, girl! I know - those pesky comfort zones... turns out we weren't so much made for those though? #sorrynotsorry ;)
DeleteI really like this little saying saying yes in my mess!! so applicable for us women as so much of what we do is a continuous cycle like laundry and chores and well I could go on and on ...they are never done there is always more. And as women we change so much as well as we go through different seasons our bodies change, our families change, our lives really are about change. I think we need so much more encouragement in this area...and to know how to navigate through this in our women-hood so that we can still do Kingdom Work, and so that we can live Victoriously!! Thanks so much for sharing ~The book sounds good ~Thanks Heather
ReplyDeleteHeather, yes - I think we can so quickly say No - or at least Not Right Now - thinking we must clean up our messes first... there is such freedom is being real and saying yes right in the middle... I am still only a few chapters in to the book - but it is wonderful! Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteSounds like a great book- yeah for giveaways! Wish I could come to your Meetup, but being brave and hosting my own.:)
ReplyDeleteYay Katie! I am so excited for you to be hosting!!! Praying for your meet up! (And yes - the book is great!)
DeleteTrue words here and a great reminder that He is always the answer. I loved the part about maybe and I love the video clip -- such a great scene!
ReplyDeleteMy first GIF ever on the blog! LOL! But how could I not include it, right? Yes - Maybe's can be dangerous or redeemed... the choice is outs! Thanks so much for stopping by!
DeleteKarrilee ... the cure is the process; the cure is the process... We're going to be okay. We'll keep hanging on to the hand of the Father, keep leaning on the strength of His Spirit, keep internalizing the preapproved love of His Son. The cure is the process, and He never stops loving us while we are in process.
ReplyDeleteThank you for joining us on the Love Idol journey. You've inspired and blessed me, as well as many others.
(P.S. -- I loved Rhinestone Jesus!)
Amen my friend! Amen! It's not that we ever necessarily 'arrive' it is that we are in the continuous process of laying down idols that steal our affection and that will never ever satisfy! Praising God that the more we lay down, the more He lifts us up... praising Him that we really ARE #preapproved and sisters in Christ and oh my stars, how I adore you! (and I am LOVING Rhinestone Jesus as well!)
DeleteThank You for letting us/me know we can be productive in our messiness.
ReplyDeleteThis is so important and perfect timing for me to hear right now.
Marie, It is such a great (needed) reminder, yes? I know I forget that I don't have to be an expert and all perfect in (insert anything here) in order to step out and do something for God... with God! So glad you stopped by the blog!
DeleteYay for you, Karilee for pressing on away from your idols while pressing into Jesus. I so understand how self-doubt becomes the louder voice above all others because Satan loves having the last word. Keep on, keeping on, girl! You inspire me! Mary
ReplyDeleteMary - girlie... right back at ya! Thanks so much for stopping by, and more than that, for pressing in with me! We know Who has the last word!
DeleteTo say yes, when it is scary. To say yes, because the Spirit's nudging is just so strong. To say yes, even when it seems to not make any sense. To say yes, even when the last time turned into a mess! Yes, I relate to all of this! Yay for you in stepping up to follow as God leads you, in each and every way. May you continue to do so and may you continue to bless & be blessed!
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the hardest part, Jolene? When you said Yes in your mess last time and it doesn't (yet) appear to have been worth the risk? But we don't want to be held back by our past circumstances, we want to be set free towards the plans He has for us - so saying yes is worth the risk, every time! Thanks for the prayers... I am praying them in agreement right back over you!
DeleteOh how your heart so often reflects my own! love you so...
ReplyDeleteI'm learning sometimes to say yes, there as to be a lot of no's first....it's been hard for me, those no's so I can finally say yes wholeheartedly! but, girl, I'm doing it. I'm nearly there. maybe this book will help me finally reach where He's called me...thanks! love ya!
Oh My Stars - you can't even know, sweet Nikki! I have missed you so and was just thinking of and praying for you yesterday! I love you so! Yes... in order to say Yes wholeheartedly, and mean it - there has got to be some No's in there too... some No's are easy, but some are a sacrifice for sure! So good to see your beautiful face here my friend!
DeleteThere is always something I fall in love with in your writing; always some new common ground I discover: did you just excerpt a bit from one of my favourite movies? Moonstruck? Yes in my mess is hard for me. As a type A, introverted perfectionist, I'm not interested in having my mess out there, much less inviting anyonev else in to it. But I learn a little more with each leaning in that people respond to the mess - the imperfect resonates with them. It allows God to shine through. So bit by bit, I work at releasing my control and letting it become His story and His design. One small yes at a time.
ReplyDeleteRebekah... LOL the first GIF I have ever used here on the blog - but honestly, how could I not, right? It begged for it! Yes - as hard as it is - it's our messes that resonate and draw people in... we all like to think we are cleaned up and presentable, but in reality, deep down - we know we fall short! There is such freedom in letting go of the facade and letting the real be seen! Love you friend... the risk is worth it!
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