Jesus and I... we have this thing. He's crazy about me... I mean, head over heels in love, and sometimes - even though I don't mean to - I play hard to get.
It's totally not on purpose... I mean - He's caught me - body and soul - and I ardently love Him. (Yes, Mr. Jesus trumps Mr. Darcy, every time!) It's just that sometimes my MIND is not completely His. I give in and make room for Self-Doubt and Hesitation, which gives way to insecurities, excuses, comparing, and pride, and all of those things swell up big and take up some serious real estate in this heart of mine.
But, as part of The Love Idol Movement, I am giving up Self-Doubt for Lent because, well - why not? Well - it's only because He said to, and I must admit when He first suggested it, I laughed. Yeah, just call me Sarah.
I laughed right out loud when He said it because - how does one even DO that anyway? If I knew, wouldn't I have done it already? I'd like to think so. Still... I decided to lay it down at His feet... leave it at the Cross. But here's the deal... whenever I tried to lay it down, I'd see His nail scarred hand pick it up and place the heavy burden right on His bruised and bloodied shoulders.
Hmmm... I don't like that picture. Not at all.
I much prefer the cleaned up version where it stays on the ground, covered by His blood... but to think of all my doubt pressing down on Him... that doesn't fit right. Plus, you know, it makes it that much harder to go and pick it back up, right? I mean - as if I am going to go back there and ask for it! No... my habit is to be all sneaky like with God (I know... I know!) I like to snatch it back when He's not looking and just deal with it myself...
Even as I typed that out it felt wrong somehow...
So this is the truth I landed on when it comes to my entertaining Self-Doubt:
It will never satisfy. It will never encourage or help me live my destiny. It will never push me on to do great things, or - well - any thing. It makes me lazy... ineffective... stuck. And while I may not be oober confident and love everything about my fill-in-the-blank... (my body, my career, my parenting, etc.) there will always be room for improvements. I see now how quickly I can tear myself apart. It's almost as if I think if I do it first, if you do it, it won't hurt as much!
So, last weekend I attended a Writers Conference. To be honest, I didn't really go in to it with a lot of faith that Self-Doubt would leave me alone. I mean - I was super excited to meet up with friends again and meet some for the first time in real life. I felt confident in making those connections stronger and I was really anticipating hearing the keynote speakers and enjoying the worship. I did all of that... and also tackled attending Breakout Sessions that were out of my comfort zone and sitting in on a Group Mentoring session and while there were plenty of opportunities for Self-Doubt and Hesitation to rise up and cause me to shrink back. I didn't do it. I didn't make room. I didn't bow down.
Instead, I leaned in... I spoke up... I laughed louder... I felt His - (I know... you sort of see it coming, right? But it's true!) I felt His approval! I felt His love increase as I stood taller in who He created me to be. Taller... more 'me' - less hide-y.
It felt great!
The benefit of laying down one Love Idol at a time seems to feel like some sort of glorious Domino effect... once one gives way and falls at the feet of Jesus, the others are more likely to follow suit!
Even in looking back at the necessary snapshots from last weekend, I am not even fighting the temptation to tear myself apart - not because I am flawless...
It's because I am stepping into the fullness of His acceptance. Can I invite you to step in too? What I have found in here? It's joy and grace and brave... it's freedom, and oh how He purchased that for every one of us already!
My name is Karrilee, and I am:
Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory
and linking up with Holley Gerth for #CoffeeforYourHeart
What about you? What have you laid down? Are you willing to leave it there... are you willing to remind yourself when you want it back, whatever 'it' is... that it's better there at the Cross, on His shoulders, under the Blood? He paid the price and bought you back and now, in Him, you too are free... you too are preapproved.
Join the Love Idol Movement!