That Thing I Do Now - Vol 18

After the bossy and busy of October - which, in reality - was mostly good, and mostly of my own doing... I am finding that I am slow with the full re-entry in doing and reading All The Things.  Maybe it's because my favorite holiday is fast approaching and I have yet to host a Pinterest party this season nor have I managed to finish any of the 12 books I am currently reading... (and you think I'm joking, or over exaggerating except for the fact that Allume sent me home with all sorts of new piles of books to read in edition to the piles already here - and then... well, then I rediscovered the LIBRARY!? I know... I may have a problem?)

Anyway - all of that to say... this is the one thing I can do a little at a time, all week long and still feel like I am actually accomplishing something! So as I discover Awesome around the Internet... I add to my list... and then you get this 'Thing' here that hooks you up... in case, you know, like me - you are super busy doing all sorts of things and yet not always completely finishing them? No? That's just me? Hmmm... well - at any rate - I finished this!

Happy Reading!

* This post over at BibleDude by my sweet friend - and amazing writer - Ashley Larkin... 

* This post by Donald Miller on how we jump to conclusions in our minds and maybe - just maybe we should try not to do that!

* This one by Jennifer Dukes Lee where she reminds us how to breathe!

* This post over at Lisa Jo Baker's on how we must stop hating our bodies!

* This by Nasreen Fynewever because - well - just SO MUCH YES!!!

* This post over at Relevant Magzine by Sean Bess could be speaking to me because I still feel exhausted from a bossy October - but I don't think so... I think it speaks to me because it is TRUTH!

* This post by the ever encouraging Holley Gerth on when you feel lonely.

* This one by Emily Freeman stirs me up in all the best ways! She asks how will you live, 'when your soul is truly at rest...' and really... ponder how you answer this!

* This by my friend Rebekah Ellis over at Three Bees in a Blue Bonnet on Tree (a Five Minute Friday post!)

* The post right here from Abiding Love, Abounding Grace where I wrap-up my #31days series on Encountering God. 

And lastly - our video... because that's how we do! (And really - how can you go wrong with a little Bon Jovi, Living on a Prayer?) Click the link below:

http://www.utrend.tv/v/1-one-chance/

What did I miss? Did you find anything Amazing online this week that I didn't list here? Link it in the comments and share the love, people!

Glory in Trees... Five Minute Friday

For a moment (or fifty four) today - I thought I could do it all!  I know... but sometimes I forget? I had a full To Do list that was all kinds of Bossy - but most of it was a fun kind of bossy and I thought somehow that time would not come into play for me... so it really wasn't until about 4pm PST that I realized that there was just no way in real life that I was going to be able to finished baking All the Cookies, take a shower, AND make it to the twitter party that is #fmfparty.  I had a church meeting tonight that actually was from 6-8:30pm so really, THAT should have forced me to come to this conclusion way earlier anyway... but I held out hope... because I just love this Community.  I always hate to miss... but I am here now... ready to write (and all jacked up on coffee... Oh - and some cookies too? Oops?)

Oh but - first - the fine print: if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at 10pm Thursday night (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Five Minute Friday - The Word Prompt is:  TREE

{GO}

Aaah Fall... it's my favorite!

It always has been, but it's only been the past few years that I get the irony in it.

Me - the lover of summer and lazy non-bossy schedules and sleep-in mornings...


Me - who has never wanted change...

Me - who is slightly afraid of the unknown...

Me - who wants everything to just Stay. The. Same.

And yet it was all the changing of Autumn that wooed me in and caused me to fall in love! (Of course the sweaters, and boots, and flavored coffees and scented candles, and pumpkin everything didn't hurt either!)

But there is just something majestic and breathtaking about Glory dripping from trees...

I love how just when it seems that summer is over and all the life is being drained - in a last ditch effort... the trees sing praises back to God as their leaves let go... and oh how they burn bright all the way down!

It's as if the trees themselves are reminding us that when we lean in and let go... He shines brighter in us and through us!  That even though one season is coming to an end... there is more ahead! He has more ahead for us!

And just when we feel like we are at our most vulnerable... nearly bare with winter fast approaching... we are reminded that it's in the letting go, in the leaning in, that we are able to find new growth stirring.

So I stumble upon this scene while out scouting for a portrait session and how could I not think of this space here... and you, there - reading these words?  How could I not see this bench and think of Emily Freeman and the call to be a bench... in this season of dying and letting go... in this season of wonder and glory in trees... how could I not just sit awhile and drink this in... and pray for you - for each and every one of you?

Autumn thick all around... Leaves dancing and bowing down... Glory in trees... Community on benches... and you, sweet reader, in my prayers!

{STOP}

It is true... it is my honor to pray for you!  I am believing that God will cause you to catch a glimpse of His Glory in some of your every day... 

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts! Click here to read what others have to say about "TREE"  

Encountering God? A #31Days Wrap Up

I knew it... well - I didn't KNOW it... but I knew...

It was in 2012 that I felt a call to come back to Blogging.  To find some consistency and stick with it.  The Lord led me to a few amazing online communities, (Wait - What? You mean other people blog, too?) and I stumbled upon the whole idea of the #31Days challenge.  Because - well, because of how I am - and because I felt the Lord ask me to be more consistent, I decided that this would be the perfect way to jump right in and be consistent... on two blogs? Because I'm crazy like that!  

So, last year I wrote on my (now ignored and neglected) Scrapbook/Photography blog a series entitled Captured & Counted, where I took a photo a day and wrote about how it was a gift or blessing! Easy peasy, right? It was fun! (The link above will take you to the home page of that series so you can click through at your leisure!)  

Because that idea came first, and on the heels of reading "one thousand gifts" - I simply had to do it, but I knew my focus was to shift to this blog right here.  So I prayed and soon picked an additional theme and wrote a series here called 31 Reasons to Fall for Autumn.  (I know, right? Super lame cute play on words there!)  This one was harder... longer... required more words and while I LOVE Autumn... by Day 17, I wanted to quit... and maybe even cry a little... and go somewhere warm and not so Fall-ish!

So this year, well - I wasn't going to do it!  Life is busy, and I have become fairly consistent here, posting a few times per week and I just wasn't going to play along.  After all the days (twice a day) of writing last year through the month of October, and after my Honey repetitively saying how much he missed me that month, I thought if I was going to do it - I would PRE do it and have it all written by August.  

Right... so that didn't happen! 

However, as October got closer and closer, I began to feel a stirring to participate.  I actually argued with God a bit about it.  Afterall - I have to honor my marriage and I can't be sitting here at this computer ALL DAY and I didn't write anything ahead of time and aren't I already pretty consistent here?  All of those excuses melted away when He reassured me that He had something to say and He wanted me to partner with Him in saying it.  What kind of excuse can stand up to that?  None that I had.

With that decided, or at least acknowledged, I jumped right in and commited myself to this #31Days challenge. I made a button and linked up with 1000s of other writers over at The Nester's and only then did I do the math.  I was out of town, traveling and attending conferences, for nearly half of October? Surely God knew this ahead of time, right? And still - He wanted me to write about Encountering God? Well now - I was going to NEED to encounter Him if we were going to stick this thing out!  

I didn't want to just write ABOUT it... I wanted to DO it... and I prayed (and pray, still!) that you would encounter Him too!

The purpose in the writing was to share how we can make it so hard, but really - He is ever Present and always ready to encounter us!  He is relational and He desires our hearts and our souls and our devotion and time... all of this is gloriously true.  But in knowing this - we can make it seem like if we don't have an  hour or two to spend in prayer or in the Word, then we just can't possibly encounter Him.  It doesn't take TIME to woo him down here... He is 'down here' always... always at the ready when our attention turns toward Him!  From serious Biblical proportioned Encounters, to rainbows and grocery stores... He is all around us and my heart was to share Encounters that I have had and ways that He grabs my attention in the every day, in hopes that you would begin to see Him in your own every day life too!

So... I sat down with Him during the first week of October, and we wrote... for days and days and my Honey and girlie were oh so patient, knowing it would be but for one week, rather than the entire month this time.  I encountered Him in the writing and the editing and the posting and scheduling. I loved how I would read other things on the same day that one of my posts would go live and I would know that what I wrote was written weeks ahead of time (- this is new for me! I am not in the habit of pre-writing much!) yet released and published at His chosen time... it gave me hope and peace that what my readers were having was more than a coffee-break read, but an encounter with Him, which is what we had prayed for all along!

I pray that you found Him in ways that you hadn't before... that you read the words and the dreams and the visions and encounters that I have had - and you came to realize that He desires to encounter us all like that... consistently!

There is not a day that goes by that I am not in need of encountering God!  I may forget it... or ignore it... but it does me well to remember and seek Him out on a consistent basis - drawing ever nearer.  

If I am being honest - and I am, because - well, that's just how I'm wired... after #31Days was over - I was thrilled. Exhausted - and not in all the best ways, really.  I had no words to say.  Nothing really to pour out here. While I wanted to wrap this up real pretty - I knew I needed rest and time to process and mostly, even though I had encountered God each day while I was gone... I needed some one on one time with Him and I just wasn't exactly ready.  There is grace for that too, ya'll.  When the flesh seems stronger than the heart and spirit and when you know what you need is an Encounter but what you convince yourself that what you want is anything something else.  There is grace for that... for He will always wait.

But let's not make it harder than it is! He is right here, right now... closer than your breath.  Breathe in slow... close your eyes... wait for it... wait for it... (wait for Him!)

He will come.   He always comes!

If you missed reading my #31Days, or just missed a day or two - you can find each post linked in one spot HERE... and if this series blessed you, or gave you thoughts on a new (to you) way of encountering Him, I'd love to hear it! If one post stood out more than the others, I'd love to know that too! Most importantly, if you have encountered God - share that in the comments below.  So often, one persons' experience is what leads others into an encounter of their own!




Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee today as well for #TellHisStory

Re-entry, Grace, & Getting back to Counting On...

Aaah November!  For the love of it all - it's my Favorite!

Sure - it used to be October, but then October got all busy and bossy and left me forgetting why I loved Fall and Pinterest Parties and the Slow Down and the Counting On of all the ways He blesses.

I needed a week or so to just stop the madness... slow it all down again and make all the Should Do's and Should Have's simmer down.  I needed to give myself permission and grace to stop all the things and take a week off!  No bossy lists... no busy schedules... no pressure... but instead some decompressing time, some sleeping in time (can I get an Amen?), some processing and praying through time... some breathing room.  And can I just say:

It was Oh. So. Nice.

So here we are, already well into November when I realize I had fallen out of the habit of writing the gifts down... I hadn't listed them one by one for weeks! All the travel and teaching and touring knocked me off center and out of my routine... in all the best ways - but still... I can't help but wonder if I would have remembered to count on in the midst of the Bossy, if I would have processed and prayed quicker... if I would have drowned out the negative with more authority and praise.  I will never know for sure - but one thing is true... All is Grace.  

And so we begin again...


#1622 - Handmade Notecards prayed over and written out for some fellow Allumies!

#1623 - Phase 1 for InMercy met (well - at this point... Phase 1-4 complete, and early!)

#1624 - Scheduled another Women At Risk Jewelry Party for next weekend! Can not WAIT!

#1625 - Our little Garden, still flourishing and flowering - even into Fall!

#1627 - Kayelyn in her responsibility and getting to classes not only on time - but early! (One wouldn't know how much of an issue this truly was for pretty much ALL of her school years up until now!?)

#1628 - Getting two tickets to attend Women of Faith in Tacoma - even after it has sold out! (Thank you Jesus!)

#1631 - Seeing my brother in law who is battling cancer... and praise God if it doesn't look like he is winning... and all because He won. (The diagnosis was not good, but they are doing some natural things that are making a HUGE difference!)

#1632 - Candles, ya'll!  It's finally Fall when I start lighting all my lovely scented candles!

#1634 - #1635 - 3 Gifts Orange: My new Purse; my Leopard Print infinity scarf;  all things Pumpkin!

#1637 - #1639 - 3 Gifts Falling: Plans, into place; Leaves, ever so gently; Walls built up that don't belong!

#1646 - #1648 - 3 Gifts Returned: Love & Devotion... the give & take of family; friendship - near & far; Grace - given and received!

#1652 - #1654 - 3 Gifts Said: "I love you" - always a gift; "I appreciate you/Thank You"; "You've made a difference..."

#1660 - The smell of Wood burning and leaves burning... hanging heavy in the morning air!

#1664 - Making it over the pass at an ungodly hour in thick fog with time to spare when catching our flight!

#1665 - #1669 - Safe Flights - on time; Personal Screens on plane - plugged in, watching movies side by side with my Honey (making the flight across country not seem quite so long!); Easy Layover at JFK with Gates close to each other; Biscoff & Mumford & Sons while flying the friendly skies; FINALLY - a bed to collapse in just outside of Charleston.

#1670 - My Honey - so willingly going to be by my side wherever the Lord leads us! He was with me at Allume... praying & supporting & loving me when I needed it.

#1671 - #1771 - #Allume
(OK... not really... and yet... in some ways - it's oh so true! I'll give it at least a dozen!)

      #1671 - The Amazing Allume Team... so welcoming and friendly!

      #1672 - Meeting friends in real life who have already been friends online!

     #1673 - Worship & Prayer... it was all over this conference and oh how it blessed!

     #1674 - Keynote Speakers who BROUGHT IT each time, and with such love & grace.

     #1675 - Dayspring Prayer Lounge - yep... I spent me a LOT of time in there!

     #1676 - #Allume Swag Bag (Oh - you don't even know!)

     #1677 - Sneaking off with my Hubby to walk around gorgeous Greenville, SC



     #1678 - Amazing coffee - ALL the TIME... (Just Love Coffee Roasters)

     #1679 -  Cupcakes/Cake Pops that were The Bomb! (The Chocolate Moose in Greenville)

     #1680 -  Impact Opportunities - writing cards out in the Dayspring Lounge... praying and getting direction from God on how to love in each one!

     #1681 - Meeting some of my favorite people/bloggers/authors and still trying to honor them without falling into idolizing them! (Who wants to make anyone feel worshiped? Not me!)

     #1682 - My Honey... quietly there... knowing what I needed, when I needed it. Knowing when to hold me close, remind me to breathe, and push my introverted self right back out that hotel room door to go back to the conference! (Allume was amazing... and it's no surprise that while I loved it - I also felt very much so under attack and unable to connect... my Honey knows how to deal with me... and with the accuser!)

#1683 (-#1783... ha ha - ok - no... I won't do that again!) - Biltmore Estates (Thank you Logan and Deb for continually suggesting that we go... we loved it!)

#1684 - Walking around in Asheville, hand in hand... strolling and people watching and simply unwinding and breathing in deep.

#1685 - Charleston Resort & Marina... need I say more:

#1686 -The gorgeous Arthur Ravenel Jr Bridge, strolling down King Street... wandering around in Battery Park... trying Grits and Collard Greens and Hushpuppies and Crab cakes and Sweet Potato cakes and Fried Green Tomatoes... cramming in everything Southern we could think of! (How did I not try any desserts, ya'll? Red Velvet? Anything? Well - those cake pops were delicious... but what is Southern and dessert that is not pecan pie? I couldn't think of a thing?)

 #1687 - Magnolia Plantation & Gardens... so peaceful and relaxing... and the scent of Gardenia's was so intoxicating!

#1688 - Well Hello Mr. Atlantic! It's so nice to meet you! (A day or two at the Isle of Palms!)

#1689 - Unwinding at Poe's Tavern... incredible Burgers and Slaw!

#1690 - Stumbling upon 100s and 100s of Egrets in bushes along a creek... they were oh so vocal about it too!

#1691 - EARLY flights mean gorgeous Sunrises! (and a cross country trip means I am closer to home and to my girlie!)

#1692 - Hubby went home to our girlie while I stayed in Tacoma and met up with another blogger/friend/kindred sister in real life so we could attend the Women of Faith conference!

#1693 - Women of Faith Conference (Amazing Speakers & Worship again... Christine Caine, Jen Hatmaker, Judah Smith, Anita Renfroe, Kari Jobe + more!)

#1694 - Finding a ride home with friends... reconnecting and meeting new women (of faith! ya see what I did there?)

#1695 - The Surprise of seeing my Girlie come pick me up! Eleven days apart, in different time zones, is just too long - too far away! We all agreed!

#1696 - The Processing of All the Things... 

#1697 - and Grace for letting it take more time than I want!

#1698 - Completing #31Days without missing a day, even in the midst of all the travel and busy!

#1699 - Finding silence... after 31 days, finding peace in knowing it's ok if I have nothing to say for awhile!

#1700 - Good Morning Girls Thankfulness study... which is what has prompted me to get back to counting and writing it down! 

#1701 - Re-entry to my regular routines... my small group of ladies met last week and I shared about my trip and both conferences I attended.  This week (tomorrow) - we will watch some of the Keynote Speakers from Allume! I can't wait to share the gifts with them!

... and that brings us up to date! 

What about you? What are you thankful for this month? Do you have big Thanksgiving plans coming up?  Any traditions that you do that help to remind you and your family to count gifts and give thanks for all the ways He pours out blessings? If so, I'd love to hear it!








I am linking up with Ann Voskamp at the Multitudes on Mondays

That Thing I Do Now - Vol 17

I was actually pretty surprised at how much I missed compiling these little recaps of Awesomeness for ya'll... Yeah - I spent 11 days in North and South Carolina and if you think this PNWesterner said "Ya'll" too much before, well... ya'll have no idea!

We had an incredible time... but all that travel and busy schedules and enjoying of the great outdoors meant very little time for reading All. The. Things.  However, I am back home and despite the STACKS of Swag books I have piled up - I am enjoying lots of internet reading as well!  So - all of that to say this:

I am back to hookin' you up with all sorts of Awesome... so enjoy!
Happy Reading!

* This post over at MindBodyGreen by Dr. Stephen Cowan on 11 Things (he) wish(es) Every Parent Knew... It was posted awhile back, but I just discovered it this week!

* This post by Heather Nelson over at Sunshine Dreams To You... a new discovery for me... (thank you facebook!)

* This post over at A Holy Experience where Ann Voskamp shares a bit of her gorgeous Thanksgiving in the midst of the woods and will make you want to go out and picnic in the middle of a forest of trees too! Oh yes... and beyond the gorgeous dishes and yummy foods... there is this:

"When it’s over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement, vowed to Awe Himself, covenanted to Christ –and I took the whole of everything He gave in this gloried world into my open arms with thanks."

* This one by Suzannah over at Deeper Story on taking a risk and being open to finding there is a difference between entertaining and being hospitable! Reminded me a bit of Bread and Wine and challenged me to get back into this now that we are back home from traveling!

* This by Al Andrews over at Storyline where he asks what motivates and pulls you forward in "between the dreaming and the coming true"

* This post over at Shelly Miller's place, Redemption's Beauty will bring out So Much Amen! 

* This post by Angie Smith... although I do not sew or stitch or own a machine - what she shares here is so much more... you will be moved, I assure you!

* The post by me where I write and process out All. The. Feelings. from the Allume conference I attended last month!

And lastly - our video... because that's how we do! 

Well - I'm giving you some bang for your buck... or - for free... whatever.  You know what I mean!  These videos are EACH ONE worth watching again and again... these are the Keynote Speakers from the above mentioned Allume conference held in South Carolina a couple of weeks ago. They won't be up indefinitely - so make some time and soak these in!  Click here:

Allume 2013 Keynote Speakers

What did I miss? Did you find anything Amazing online this week that I didn't list here? Link it in the comments and share the love, people!

He loves me True - Five Minute Friday

So it's Thursday night and I am all on my own... not surrounded by a crowd of writers... a flash mob gathered on couches and in corners on the floor of the Dayspring Lounge at Allume... nor am I sitting across the table from a blogger friend, a happy exhausted, sharing words with real rhythm and tone... Tonight, it's just me (with the fam swirling around me and the cat wanting food and all the glorious distractions of my normal Thursday night routine!) Yes - it was wonderful to go and to write together... but it is nice to be home and falling back into Life as we know it, too!

Oh but - first - the fine print: if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at 10pm Thursday night (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Five Minute Friday, getting the prompt a bit early during the #fmfparty on Twitter... (Thanks Lisa Jo! We'll blame the Chocolate!)

The Word Prompt is:  TRUE

{GO}

He loves me True...

Photo by Kim DeLoach

This Honey of mine... he is my biggest fan and my best friend and he is always - I mean, ALWAYS - in my corner.

I have lived over half of my life now by his side, wrapped safely in his arms, watched over gently and encouraged to stretch out and follow wherever it is that God leads me.  

Last month, God led me to attend Allume... the Lord paved the way and His hand was all over it and while I was hesitant to be bold and brave and just say yes on my own, this man of mine made it easy! He said, "We are going!  How can we not?"

The only other time I have traveled to the East Coast was for a Retreat for an online group of Scrapbook friends who met via a website and decided we wanted to meet face to face and heart to heart and just like this time - my Honey said yes... we will make a way.  We will go along with you.  We are in this together.  So last time, we brought our girlie and we saw Baltimore and toured DC and while I was at the Retreat, they traveled to New Jersey and New York... 

This time however, our dd is in college and it was a trip for just the two of us... an Empty Nester diversion of sorts (as our baby girl nearly all grown up girlie was planning on attending college out of town... plans changed and she is still here at home, attending our Community college! What? You can hear this Mama's heart beat happy relief? Yes... for now!)

So... while I was in meetings and sessions - he was always nearby... praying... believing... resting.  He barely left the hotel because it was so amazing, and because he didn't want to discover anything without me! We managed to sneak out and walk down to Falls Park and walk around downtown a bit... and when I had a few overwhelming, it's-just-too-much, I-can't-do-it-anymore melt downs moments, he was right there, loving me True... and pointing me back to Truth!

He is the most consistent man I have ever known and he speaks life and loves full on and oh my, how he shines brightly!  He shines and when I feel lost in the dark, he points me to Jesus and the Light of the world lights the way!

After Allume we wandered the grounds of the Biltmore Estates and we walked the alleyways of Asheville... we strolled down King Street and through Battery Park in Charleston and roamed around in the gardens at the Magnolia Plantation... and let's not forget the digging our toes in the sand and walking along piers, and splashing my feet for the first time ever in the Atlantic (which is not freezing cold, like the Pacific!) and just simply sitting down, side by side, watching the tide roll on in... 

He is strength and grace and I have learned who I am and how to hang on to that simply by letting him love me True.  He loves me like Jesus... and my how I was blessed to fall in love with them both at the same time, some 20+ years ago now!  He reminds me, and encourages me, and lifts me up, and yes - sometimes (when necessary!) he pushes me forward!

My Husband (Jesus) and my Honey (Dave)... 
they both teach me so much... 
and they both love me True!

{STOP}

We had such a great time back East (or is it down South?) - either way... we fell in love again some more, and we loved our time together!  

Us parents... We tend to be busy and exhausted, and it can seem like we don't have time... and there are seasons with Littles that it just isn't feasible - but can I encourage you to steal away even just an hour or two to reconnect... to have fun or relax together... to find time to talk and laugh and simply share space together.  It makes all the difference!

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts! Click here to read what others have to say about "TRUE"  

In which I'm still processing my Allume Experience

Allume...

 ~ even the mere mention of it stirs up love and excitement... all the thoughts of Kindred and Community swirl around in my heart and I forgot to even really be nervous!

I didn't plan ahead for that... 

I knew it would go by too fast and while I loved the reality of hugging necks and making eye contact in the flesh -as much as I loved the IDEA of long talks over coffee or sitting in corners for hours at a time- I didn't really give in to those hopes!  I guess I assumed that I loved all the same people that everyone else surely would want face to face time with.  I figured everyone would be after that as well and I didn't want to put any pressure or expectations on friends I was just meeting in real life.  I wanted to honor and trust that God would orchestrate the connections I was meant to make... (I just thought some of them would be the connections I was wanting too!)  I didn't want to be one more in a long line of bloggers wanting to meet so desperately that you would walk away drained and empty. I forgot that when we pour out, He fills up... and so I missed out on some of those opportunities - not wanting to take only, and forgetting that I can give!

When the opportunity first arose for me to attend Allume this year, it didn't feel real. I wasn't sure I could trust it... but I leaned in and prayed.  We are not normally cross-country travelers, and we live paycheck to paycheck... but God made a way and as soon as I saw His hand in it, I settled in my heart that other than a handful of friends I longed to hug proper in real life, what I MOST WANTED for my Allume experience was to be able to be a blessing... to pour out more than I attempted to drink in.  This was my hearts' desire and yet I forgot that I had anything to give...  So this is where it gets real and messy and hard.

I'm not convinced that that happened... I feel a  little  lot frustrated about it all.  I feel like I somehow missed out on much of what Allume is all about and what it offers and so I am praying for clarity and processing and asking Him to show me my part in what went wrong.

But please hear my heart:  No matter my own lack luster experience, I ADORE Allume and I highly recommend it!  As hard as it was on me, there were a LOT of great moments that I am oh so thankful for! So - let's start with a few of those...

From the TOP down, ya'll - the Allume Team is Ah - MAY - Zing!!! They rock and they really are all about community and Kingdom, and I love them! They speak my language and live my tagline... They really do Speak Life, (are) Be(ing) Love, and Shine On!

Thursday as I walked up to register, a sweet online friend - one whom I was so looking forward to meeting inrl (in real life) was among the first to greet me and honestly, if I traveled across that country for her alone - it was worth the trip!  She was grace and beauty and hugged me sweetly and spoke words that I would cling to throughout the weekend when the enemy would spew lies at me.  She handed over my Swag Bag (don't even get me started! - Oh MY?) and later, she found me and handed me a gift and a card from her personally... and she sat beside me while we prayed and wrote His heart to sisters caught in bondage in the Dayspring Lounge... but more that any of that - she offered me friendship that runs deep and true and she was to me a safe harbor when I felt a bit lost at sea.

 Deb Weaver... I treasure you so!  and after Allume... I love you all the more!

My sweet Tonya, the very reason I was even standing at Allume at all - how you hugged me close and wrapped me up and how you left your table to sit with me and share your heart - as you so consistently and openly do...

You bless, my friend! ...and I love you all the more for it!

Sarah Mae - Girl... I will take all of your self-proclaimed Awkwardness and hug you full on for 6 seconds and beyond and when you didn't let me linger looking for a single minute, with breakfast in my hands, and a searching in my eyes - but just pulled out a chair and made room for me? You just can't know... and while we didn't get a chance to really talk, that impacted me and challenged me to be more like that - more like Jesus... and I love you all the more!

How the elevator was full and Logan, you just hopped right on and after months of talking back and forth on facebook about Allume, sure - but also about Biltmore and man caves and all things touristy... you saw me and greeted me with such joy: "Karrilee!  It's me, Logan!"  Precious!  As if you needed an introduction - but it was so adorable and genuine and in the midst of feeling a bit invisible, you were, yet again, a gift to me! ...and I love you all the more for it!  (...and we LOVED Biltmore, btw!)

Seeing a gathering of some of my favorite Five Minute Friday girlies in the lobby... squeezing them close and waiting to say hello to Lisa Jo.  I began to introduce myself and she interrupts me with, "Karrilee - why did you wait so long to hug me?" as she leaned in and a little of her South African leaked out and her heart, ya'll, is even bigger in real life! 

She is really and honestly all about community and a little later in passing her in a hallway - she introduced me and my Honey to her friend Ann.  Welcoming is just what she is... warm and bubbling over with love and joy and I love her all the more for it!

Sweet Amy and Jessica... Andi and Jenny... even though we didn't have much time to really talk - simply hugging tight in real life and confirming that yes - for real - we are for each other... -totally worth the trip for me!

Each and every Keynote speaker and session leader spoke to my heart and confirmed things that God has been saying to me for quite some time and each one was transparent and accessible and gracious and I love them all the more for the words and spirit and love they freely poured out! 

There were so many moments that I treasure... meeting friends - sisters, really - who encourage me online consistently... Missy, Vanessa, Aprille, Kim, Jennifer, Shelly, Kathi, & Alia...

Meeting new friends and familiar faces and talking real life over cupcakes and salads... Jennifer (well - all the Jennifers, really!), Ashlee, Mandy, Beth Anne, & Sarah... Seeing so many women connecting, sharing, giving, and receiving - it blessed me so.

And yet...

For me, it felt like I was mostly on the outside looking in. For most of the days, I felt isolated and set apart...

I was so far out of my comfort zone and so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of happy chatter that I felt somehow removed from it all - like an observer of All. The. Things.

I'm shy until you get to know me but that is the beauty of the internet!  We can know each other on deep levels before ever sharing the same air.  I was born and raised in a small town and there are not many places that I go where I don't know anyone and I didn't think this would be an issue because really - I 'knew' a lot of the attendees.  But it quickly got to be too much.  Walking in to a crowded Ballroom again and again - all alone... looking for a single space to invite myself into.  Whether at meals or for sessions, I walked alone and it didn't take long before I felt not a part... I could feel myself reaching for and putting on an old mask... feeling myself resorting to faking my way through (and right when I was sitting next to Emily Freeman, no less! Yeah - because God is funny like that with me!)

So instead of giving in to that, I spent time in the Prayer Room.  I prayed on my own and through out the room... I lingered over journals and wrote messages and prayed over names - some I knew, and some I had no clue... even as I type this I see now - maybe in all my feeling not a part, my call was behind the scenes in prayer and this makes so much sense now - the drawing toward and tears whenever Nasreen would speak of coming alongside and helping others reach their dreams!

I had my Honey with me and while he was wonderful and understanding, supportive and a refuge of sorts... if I am honest, he was also an excuse and a retreat.  I hadn't really thought it through but having him with me meant that I did not have roommates to get to know... no late night talks or bonding over tight quarters and sleeping arrangements... it also meant I had no one to enter a room with. (and if I go again... I will rethink this.)

I'm a grown up.  This should not be so hard and I was honestly surprised at how difficult it really was on me. In the moments when it would begin to feel too heavy... like it was just too much... I would hear the Lord speak to my heart:

"I didn't bring you all this way so that you could be Recognized... but so that you would know that you are Known." 

Is this not the message that was woven through out the conference and while I don't normally battle these kinds of feelings, when I would find myself near the edge of a break down... He would give me a gift... send me a friend... reassure me that at least to Him, I was seen...

In all my shrinking back and feeling on the outside, He assured me that more than having a place at a table, He has given me (us!) a Voice to proclaim the Truth that the One who matters most, knows and loves us best!

He sees us and has called us to this world of blogging...
of living out loud and extending grace...
of Speaking Life, Being Love, and Shining On!

So - to wrap up my Allume experience feels a bit premature - for He is still unfolding things inside and outside of me... it's not easy because I so wanted to pour out and be a blessing... I found myself feeling quite unexpectedly needy and unsure.  I had handfuls of conversations that blessed... and armfuls of friends that pulled me in, but it was not all sunshine and rainbows.  Still - I cling to the power of prayer and the promises of God.

I pray I am the only one who didn't feel all warm and fuzzy but chances are in a room that big, the enemy couldn't have been focused only on me!  So if you too found yourself falling for the lies that you didn't belong... you don't fit in... or it didn't make a difference if you were even there...

Rest assured - even if you didn't feel Recognized.... you ARE Known!

Oh yeah - and the WORSHIP, ya'll... oh my stars!?  We could have gone on and on forever!!!

So what about you? Were you at Allume? What was your experience? Do you extroverts out there have any tips or tricks that will help us introverts in mastering entering a crowded room all on our own?