January 21, 2014

"My Darling Daughter... You're Beautiful!"



I had forgotten all about the prompt for this weeks' little Coffee Date over at Holley Gerths' place.  I wasn't really sure why I was feeling the way I was yesterday... a bit heavy... a bit down for no good reason really.  Tired... that must be it! I was tired! (For a very obvious reason. Simply stated, I stayed up all night.) 

When a friend commented on facebook that she loved seeing this 'other side' of me, I realized I talk about nearly everything on this blog except for sports. I'm not sure that this is going to change, mind you - but let's just say between the NFL playoffs Sunday night and the Australian Open, I didn't go to bed until well after 3am.  Yeah... and I'm not in my 20s 30s anymore - so I couldn't really muster up enough energy or faking it to get through Monday as if it was any other normal day. 

I was Exhausted.  

Still - this felt like more... but I pushed it aside, cleared my scheduled and cozied up on the couch with a cup of tea, a fuzzy blanket and a cheesy Netflix romantic comedy to half-zone out, half-fall asleep to.  This felt like a PLAN! As in - for the win... a do nothing, no writing, no thinking, no laundry sort of day - in an EMPTY house, ya'll! (...and she takes a bow!)

It appeared to be going along FINE. The movie was cute, in that anticipated predictable way and I was relaxed and not thinking about any of the Things I 'should' be --. I was going to say 'should be doing' - but let's just be honest. Come mid-January, aren't we all really thinking of All the Things we should just BE... ? No? Is that just me? Anyway - my mind was completely, blissfully blank. (Think Nirvana. Don't be jealous.)

Then as the movie was nearing the end, there was this one scene that unfolded and before I could even know what was happening to me, I was undone, tears streaming down my face, completely losing it, feeling All the Feelings.

Last week, we reminded you that You. Are. Loved.

This scene was so predictable and so cliche and so - well, needed, apparently?

Here's the thing: I got a little ticked off about how all the emotions surfaced and swirled around and at first I was not wanting to deal with it all and then I was mad because I am was pretty sure I had already dealt with it. But then there were the tears, so maybe not? Maybe we never really get to be completely free of having to deal with it all or at least we never really tire of needing to be reminded.

I wanted to include the scene from said movie* but I am not sure how to do that here and I am technilogically challenged and I am sure I don't own the rights, etc.  So - I will just say - it's a Father/Daughter scene and (as if you need any more information, right?) there were three things that happened in a matter of seconds that hit me hard.

They were the father saying, in this order, these things:

1. "Yes you can.  You can do anything, (Debra.) Pick the one who sees what I couldn't... "

2.   "But you, my darling daughter, are the most wonderful person I know..."  (me: tears squirting - out of nowhere.)

3. "You're Beautiful.(The daughter asks hopefully, "You really think?" and her Dad answers, "I KNOW!")  Insert sobbing here...


No - this is not from That 70s Show... this is real life circa 1974
(I'm the Baby)
So - I should say up front... I don't think I have Daddy issues. I mean - sure - I did... in that moment, it seemed as if I still do... but I have worked through, cried through, written through, talked through, forgiven through, repented through, and prayed through...

So sweet, right? He loves me - even though this was totally posed
and out of character, it's still one of my most favorites ever!

I love my Dad.  We really have walked in healing and love over these grown up years! He is just so very silent... not a big talker or communicator, and me? Well - as you can see, I have All the Words.  But I see more clearly now.  Afterall, I am a parent myself... I have raised a child and I know firsthand the grace needed in acknowledging that we do the best that we can.  I know that my Dad did the best he could... and honestly - it was pretty darn good - in the big scheme of things.  I grew up blessed and provided for, never feeling unsafe. I don't have a lot to complain about.  

In reality, we all do the best that we can and if we are lucky or blessed or parenting on purpose - we try to do better for our kids than our parents did for us and he did -my dad... he really did.

I have experienced the loving healing embrace of the Father too. I used to shy away from Father God - you know, because - well, Daddy issues.  But I no longer hesitate in running up into His arms and snuggling in close on His lap.  I know He adores me and I am secure in the fact that I am His favorite. (#sorrynotsorry)

I am also blessed to have myself a Man... my Honey who also adores me and speaks life and love into and over me on a (nearly) daily basis.  

Photo by Kim DeLoach  

He does the same for our nearly grown Girlie and he is an amazing Dad - which helped in my healing.

And yet I didn't realize how much I needed to hear those three things.  It's not that I didn't know them - but as we talked about last week, we so often forget what is true. I know my Dad loves me... and I know God is mad about me (not mad at me!)  

Still, who among us Darling Daughters doesn't need to hear that we are SEEN, that we BELONG and are WONDERFUL, and that we're BEAUTIFUL?

Not a one of us, I will guess.

We can look for all the right things in all the wrong places. As much as I would love it if my Dad spoke those things, or even when my husband does... I really need to hear it from my God.  He is so for us!  He SEES us.  Thanks to Jesus, we really and truly BELONG and we are not only wonderful (made in His image and all) but we are wonder FILLED too! (...filled with His Spirit.)  We are Beautiful, just the way we are!  

Wait -What? You don't believe it? 

We are... YOU are... for when He looks at us, He sees us outside of the limits of time and space...without age, without sin... He sees us as who He created us to be - who He is shaping us to become... and He rejoices over us with singing! We are His Beloved and he is passionately pursuing our heart. He wants all of us... He wants us not to hide... not to run elsewhere to be filled up when we're tired and empty. (Gasp - not even Netflix? I know? ...it's truth, though!)  

More than any of that, He really wants us to BELIEVE it! To believe that we are beautiful and valued and seen and that we belong.  

If/when we believe it - we live like it's true! 

So I will say it over and over again and I will mean it with all of my heart, but I will always always point you to your heavenly Father... because more than my words of building up - what you really need are HIS Words seeping in...

"How beautiful you are, my darling,
How beautiful you are!"
(Song of Solomon 1:15)



Linking up and sharing a cup of coffee with Holley Gerth again today
http://holleygerth.com/youre-loved-coffee-for-your-heart/

Linking with Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory


* The above referred movie is available streaming on Netflix (in which I am not really fully endorsing it - although I really did love it for what it is! "Dorfman in Love")

28 comments :

  1. So lovely joining you today for Coffee for your Heart link up. Your words touched me and I thank you for diving in to those deep places and spilling out from your heart :)http://vintagehousewife.org/2014/01/22/coffee-for-your-heart-you-are-beautiful/

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    1. Shannon - thanks so much for grabbing a cup of coffee with me this morning! Can't wait to refill and head on over to your place!

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  2. Just beautiful Karrilee, brought tears to my eyes to. Dad/daughter relationships are so special. Happy Wednesday, visiting from the link up! xoxo

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    1. I already said it today - but honestly - I love you girl! So glad you stopped by today!

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  3. I am so blessed to get to watch my husband develop this relationship with our daughter - and she's only a year and a half! Thanks for the reminders...I will pass them along to him.

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    1. Rachel - isn't it amazing to watch our hubbys father - really Father - their girls? Such a blessing! Thanks for coming over for a cup of coffee this morning, friend!

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  4. So beautiful! He really does want us to believe that we are His masterpiece! Thank you so much for sharing - *hugs*

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    1. Ginger - it really is beautiful, isn't it? How He loves us! So glad you stopped by for coffee this morning!

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  5. You had me at "romantic comedy". My life and marriage has been that---in a good way. The Song of Solomon verse really spoke to me. Thanks for sharing! Found your link at {Coffee for Your Heart}.

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    1. LOL Stacy... a kindred spirit, I see! So glad you stopped by today for a little coffee!

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  6. Karrilee,
    You wrote (partly) about me (sniff, sniff). I was raised with very young parents, and I understand now, that they did the best they could with what they had and what they knew at the time. My dad and I are not close, though I tried, or at least I can give my version of how I tried. We don't talk much, don't communicate much, and even though I try to convince myself that I do not hold any resentment, my tears also sneak out when I witness or hear of a beautiful father-daughter moment. I know it is never too late to become close to my dad, but how do I do that? It is almost as though this is comfortable enough to just let it be the way it is. But my heart keeps reminding me of my dad.

    When I became intimate with God, I know that His Heavenly Father role has healed me. I know this is enough, and His love is enough. But my heart STILL keeps reminding me of my dad.

    Thank you for sharing, and now I know that I am not the only (grown) daughter who cries for her earthly daddy.

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    1. Beatriz - thank you so much for stopping by and for sharing your heart! Oh girl - you are not the only one! Our earthly Daddys - what a load they carry - so often unaware - as they hold our hearts. It's never too late... don't give up on the hope for more healing and less resentment... to build a relationship now - as adults. As I said in my post - I have worked through much - both with God and with my Dad and while we are not 'close' - I am blessed to live right next door. I am secure in knowing he loves me - but isn't it just our humanity that wants to dictate how that should be and what it should look like? My Father (on earth) is a man of little words... he is intellegent and thoughtful but rarely shares his thoughts. He is content in being quiet and in his own space. Whle we may wish it to be different, I am finding grace in accepting it to be how he is. There is so much power when we are able to step back and look over our growing up years as an adult and offer grace for the thin spaces. Praying for you, friend! Thankful that our Heavenly Father holds us close and whispers words of love. May you hear Him today! From one Darling Daughter to another!

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  7. Karrilee, I love your open, honest, transparency in this post...reminded me of how much my dear earthly Daddy used to tell me..."I've loved you since you were 'this big'"...as he would hold his hands out the way he held me when I was a little baby...love what you said..."for when He looks at us, He sees us outside of the limits of time and space...without age, without sin"... reminded me of this post... http://bethwillismiller.blogspot.com/2013/03/to-you-my-future-is-memory.html
    many blessings to you <3

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    1. How much do I LOVE that your Father said that and used that illustration - because your Heavenly Father used Jesus to stretch His hands out wide! Loved the post you shared too! Thanks for hanging out over coffee this morning!

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  8. Lovely post, Karrilee! Your photos are awesome too! How glad I am that Jesus has and will continue to pursue me. You are loved, sweet friend! And you are beautiful.

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    1. Amen Holly! (and thank you, my friend!)

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  9. Thanks, Karrilee! I love your passion in your words and your heart for your sisters in Christ. I am linking up with you today with Holley and Jennifer:) Blessings to you this week, my friend! Love, Rachael

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    1. Rachael - I saw that we were both gathered up for Coffee and Telling His Story! Two of my favorite places... (two of my favorite things!)

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  11. Karrilee-So nice to run into you at Holly's link
    up. I relate to your dad issues. I tried to feel the void w/so many things before I realized the Lord was waiting to fill the void and so much more that my earthly dad would never fill. Thanks for telling your story.

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    1. Jacqui - thanks so much for stopping by! Yes - only God can fill in the gaps and heal us Whole!

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  12. Oh honey, as I read this post I was thinking how grateful I am for your voice in this world, for the ways you speak truth and love and grace. How you remind with such enthusiasm and tenderness. How you lay your story before us as an offering for Jesus to move through and be glorified. I love you, girl. Thank you for being a champion for women and reminding us of God's deep love for us.

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    1. Speechless. You render me humbled and speechless... (and still counting down to March!)

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  14. Why am I just now getting to reading this post? Oh yea, I am stepping back. Well, this is just beautiful. I have father issues, and I have Father issues. I can never really wrap my brain around the fact that He loves me. That He loves ME. I mean, really? Thank you for this reminder. Don't you just love Song of Solomon?

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    1. Barbie - why am I just now seeing this comment? ;) Yay for stepping back and soaking up a bit of resting in His Presence friend! Proud of you for noticing that this was needed - and being bold enough to make space! Aah yes - Father Issues... He will walk you through them... He IS walking you through them, friend! I know - having a Sozo and getting the tools for inner healing like using the Father Ladder helped me a GREAT deal! Love you friend... and yes - The Song of Solomon... #Swoon! He's so romantic!

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  15. Sweet post, Karrilee! Isn't incredible how a movie can get us to think and feel so deeply? There is healing in storytelling. I enjoyed reading about your story here, and your post reminded me of one of my favorite verses from Psalms 45: "The King is enthralled with your beauty; honor Him for He is your life." :)

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    1. Lyli, oh yes... I love that verse as well! It's just so romantic - both ways! His love towards us, and ours to Him! Thanks so much for reading!

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Thanks so much for stopping by! I always love to hear your thoughts! Remember to: Speak Life - Be Love - Shine On!
~Karrilee~

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