I had forgotten all about the prompt for this weeks' little Coffee Date over at Holley Gerths' place. I wasn't really sure why I was feeling the way I was yesterday... a bit heavy... a bit down for no good reason really. Tired... that must be it! I was tired! (For a very obvious reason. Simply stated, I stayed up all night.)
When a friend commented on facebook that she loved seeing this 'other side' of me, I realized I talk about nearly everything on this blog except for sports. I'm not sure that this is going to change, mind you - but let's just say between the NFL playoffs Sunday night and the Australian Open, I didn't go to bed until well after 3am. Yeah... and I'm not in my
I was Exhausted.
Still - this felt like more... but I pushed it aside, cleared my scheduled and cozied up on the couch with a cup of tea, a fuzzy blanket and a cheesy Netflix romantic comedy to half-zone out, half-fall asleep to. This felt like a PLAN! As in - for the win... a do nothing, no writing, no thinking, no laundry sort of day - in an EMPTY house, ya'll! (...and she takes a bow!)
It appeared to be going along FINE. The movie was cute, in that anticipated predictable way and I was relaxed and not thinking about any of the Things I 'should' be --. I was going to say 'should be doing' - but let's just be honest. Come mid-January, aren't we all really thinking of All the Things we should just BE... ? No? Is that just me? Anyway - my mind was completely, blissfully blank. (Think Nirvana. Don't be jealous.)
Then as the movie was nearing the end, there was this one scene that unfolded and before I could even know what was happening to me, I was undone, tears streaming down my face, completely losing it, feeling All the Feelings.
Last week, we reminded you that You. Are. Loved.
This scene was so predictable and so cliche and so - well, needed, apparently?
Here's the thing: I got a little ticked off about how all the emotions surfaced and swirled around and at first I was not wanting to deal with it all and then I was mad because I
I wanted to include the scene from said movie* but I am not sure how to do that here and I am technilogically challenged and I am sure I don't own the rights, etc. So - I will just say - it's a Father/Daughter scene and (as if you need any more information, right?) there were three things that happened in a matter of seconds that hit me hard.
They were the father saying, in this order, these things:
1. "Yes you can. You can do anything, (Debra.) Pick the one who sees what I couldn't... "
2. "But you, my darling daughter, are the most wonderful person I know..." (me: tears squirting - out of nowhere.)
3. "You're Beautiful." (The daughter asks hopefully, "You really think?" and her Dad answers, "I KNOW!") Insert sobbing here...
No - this is not from That 70s Show... this is real life circa 1974
(I'm the Baby)So - I should say up front... I don't think I have Daddy issues. I mean - sure - I did... in that moment, it seemed as if I still do... but I have worked through, cried through, written through, talked through, forgiven through, repented through, and prayed through...
So sweet, right? He loves me - even though this was totally posed
and out of character, it's still one of my most favorites ever!
I love my Dad. We really have walked in healing and love over these grown up years! He is just so very silent... not a big talker or communicator, and me? Well - as you can see, I have All the Words. But I see more clearly now. Afterall, I am a parent myself... I have raised a child and I know firsthand the grace needed in acknowledging that we do the best that we can. I know that my Dad did the best he could... and honestly - it was pretty darn good - in the big scheme of things. I grew up blessed and provided for, never feeling unsafe. I don't have a lot to complain about.
In reality, we all do the best that we can and if we are lucky or blessed or parenting on purpose - we try to do better for our kids than our parents did for us and he did -my dad... he really did.
I have experienced the loving healing embrace of the Father too. I used to shy away from Father God - you know, because - well, Daddy issues. But I no longer hesitate in running up into His arms and snuggling in close on His lap. I know He adores me and I am secure in the fact that I am His favorite. (#sorrynotsorry)
I am also blessed to have myself a Man... my Honey who also adores me and speaks life and love into and over me on a (nearly) daily basis.
Photo by Kim DeLoach
He does the same for our nearly grown Girlie and he is an amazing Dad - which helped in my healing.
And yet I didn't realize how much I needed to hear those three things. It's not that I didn't know them - but as we talked about last week, we so often forget what is true. I know my Dad loves me... and I know God is mad about me (not mad at me!)
Still, who among us Darling Daughters doesn't need to hear that we are SEEN, that we BELONG and are WONDERFUL, and that we're BEAUTIFUL?
Not a one of us, I will guess.
We can look for all the right things in all the wrong places. As much as I would love it if my Dad spoke those things, or even when my husband does... I really need to hear it from my God. He is so for us! He SEES us. Thanks to Jesus, we really and truly BELONG and we are not only wonderful (made in His image and all) but we are wonder FILLED too! (...filled with His Spirit.) We are Beautiful, just the way we are!
Wait -What? You don't believe it?
We are... YOU are... for when He looks at us, He sees us outside of the limits of time and space...without age, without sin... He sees us as who He created us to be - who He is shaping us to become... and He rejoices over us with singing! We are His Beloved and he is passionately pursuing our heart. He wants all of us... He wants us not to hide... not to run elsewhere to be filled up when we're tired and empty. (Gasp - not even Netflix? I know? ...it's truth, though!)
More than any of that, He really wants us to BELIEVE it! To believe that we are beautiful and valued and seen and that we belong.
If/when we believe it - we live like it's true!
So I will say it over and over again and I will mean it with all of my heart, but I will always always point you to your heavenly Father... because more than my words of building up - what you really need are HIS Words seeping in...
"How beautiful you are, my darling,
How beautiful you are!"
(Song of Solomon 1:15)
Linking up and sharing a cup of coffee with Holley Gerth again today
Linking with Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory
* The above referred movie is available streaming on Netflix (in which I am not really fully endorsing it - although I really did love it for what it is! "Dorfman in Love")