This blogging/living authentically/being vulnerable gig is pretty sweet when life is moving along right on track, but it gets a little trickier when things begin to derail. Even more so when we long to be real, yet all the while we are covering and praying in faith for a different reality.
I have purposed to be honest around here but refuse to do that at anyone elses' expense. So I ask for grace as I write/work/process my way through a few things and still remain somewhat vague.
I will say - we are all fine... good even, but you know how growing pains can hurt.
All of that to say this:
I spent a good part of last week pouting. You know, like a grown up. I pulled back, complain-prayed, hid out, slept in, Netflixed for days, and cried in the shower... as one does.
But by the weekend, I was getting tired of arguing with God about some very specific things. I tire of Him bossing me around, making me more like Him, and you know - ALWAYS being right all. the. time!
I know it's just a matter of time and I will give in and just go ahead and do whatever He says. I know we will all be better for it. But last week, I let this battle take all my energy, steal my joy, and rob me of my peace. I was running on empty on all the good stuff and I was feeling awfully low on Wonder...
And when you feel less than Wonder-filled,
Well then, you simply must go hunting for beauty and searching for grace!
So I shook off the heaviness and put an end to the lies I was listening to and I reminded my soul to praise the Lord anyway, and I went out looking for Wonder.
As Glennon says, we can do hard things... it's just that sometimes we forget... and sometimes we don't want to. And as Ann has taught us, once we start looking for gifts, we begin to find them everywhere!
God is asking me to do something that I don't really want to do and even though I know it is right and good and grace, I still have a choice in the matter.
I could say no. I could push it aside, ignore His promptings, and harden my heart. I could do that... I have done that... but what fruit does that bring and how does that fill me with Wonder?
So before I dive off and try to hand out something I don't have to give, I let Him woo me back to His side and He reminds me of my call: to Speak Life... to Be Love... to Shine On.
Simple... but oh so hard!
And so I went in search of a little Wonder, and I prayed for a refilling and refueling of His Amazing Grace.
I decided to grab my camera and take some pictures...
I decided to grab some paint and paint some, too.
I cooked dinner and served my neighbors, and I let my husband love me and whisper that Truth that I always know, but don't always choose to remember ...and my heart began to soften yet again.
When the words were all stopped up and jumbled, I turned to other ways to express myself,hoping knowing that as I pour out, He pours in.
Sometimes we are called to step back, to process alone, and work it out until we can let Him love us. But after that we are beckoned to sit out in wide open spaces and to taste and see (and remember) that the Lord is good...
...to rest in His Presence, to worship anyway, and to pray in faith that wonder truly is all around us and God really is at work, inside and outside of time.
When life comes at us hard and takes our breath away, --when we feel all alone and the weight is heavy on our own, God is right there beside us breathing life back in and holding our broken hearts in His nail scarred hands.
He is able... He is not surprised or knocked off balance... He is at work and He longs to refill us with Wonder and Grace so we can freely pour it right back out!
And we all sing out,
P.S. I'm linking up with these lovely writers:
The Community over at #SmallWonders
Laura Boggess over at #ChasingTheBlueFlower
As Glennon says, we can do hard things... it's just that sometimes we forget... and sometimes we don't want to. And as Ann has taught us, once we start looking for gifts, we begin to find them everywhere!
God is asking me to do something that I don't really want to do and even though I know it is right and good and grace, I still have a choice in the matter.
I could say no. I could push it aside, ignore His promptings, and harden my heart. I could do that... I have done that... but what fruit does that bring and how does that fill me with Wonder?
So before I dive off and try to hand out something I don't have to give, I let Him woo me back to His side and He reminds me of my call: to Speak Life... to Be Love... to Shine On.
Simple... but oh so hard!
And so I went in search of a little Wonder, and I prayed for a refilling and refueling of His Amazing Grace.
I decided to grab my camera and take some pictures...
I decided to grab some paint and paint some, too.
I cooked dinner and served my neighbors, and I let my husband love me and whisper that Truth that I always know, but don't always choose to remember ...and my heart began to soften yet again.
When the words were all stopped up and jumbled, I turned to other ways to express myself,
Sometimes we are called to step back, to process alone, and work it out until we can let Him love us. But after that we are beckoned to sit out in wide open spaces and to taste and see (and remember) that the Lord is good...
...to rest in His Presence, to worship anyway, and to pray in faith that wonder truly is all around us and God really is at work, inside and outside of time.
When life comes at us hard and takes our breath away, --when we feel all alone and the weight is heavy on our own, God is right there beside us breathing life back in and holding our broken hearts in His nail scarred hands.
He is able... He is not surprised or knocked off balance... He is at work and He longs to refill us with Wonder and Grace so we can freely pour it right back out!
And we all sing out,
"May we never lose our Wonder..."
The Community over at #SmallWonders
Laura Boggess over at #ChasingTheBlueFlower
Holly Barrett for #TestimonyTuesday
Where do you go, when you need a little extra Grace? Where do you run to, when you are in need of a bit of Wonder?
Where do you go, when you need a little extra Grace? Where do you run to, when you are in need of a bit of Wonder?
This is beautiful Karrilee! #RaRaLinkup
ReplyDeleteThanks Laura! I enjoyed your post today as well!
DeleteHi Karrilee, I always love visiting when I can, although I will need to read the struggles you went through, what solace your vulnerability brings-when things turn hard, the words you share of returning to God, of turning to painting, photography, your dear loved one, to soothe, are wise words of encouragement for those funky times we all face! The struggle is real, but grace always reigns! Thanks for the reminder!! Blessings!
ReplyDeleteFunky times, indeed! ;) The struggle IS real - but yes and amen, His grace reigns and love wins!
DeleteWhat beautiful words, Karrilee! I love doing the "1000 Gifts" from Ann Voskamp and am always amazed at all of the blessings and gifts and wonders that God has for us...right in front of us! Sometimes, we miss them if we are too busy "living our lives" or avoiding Him! Yet, there they are!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing your beautiful heart!
Amen... it's so easy to fall out of the habit - but it is oh so for our benefit to continue to ask, seek, and knock... thanks so much for stopping by!
Delete"holding our broken hearts in His nail scared hands." I love that, Karrilee. Thank you for this encouragement today, may you be blessed by pouring into others through your own pain.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much June! Isn't that a powerful visual? That the one who was Pierced for us, holds out own brokenness in His hands! He is not unaware of being broken and wounded... and He is the one who holds us and molds us and keeps us together! Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteI can't say it enough...I LOVE YOU FRIEND!!! :) Your words were living water to my parched soul today. I just posted a post and it is much along these lines too. SO MUCH THIS FRIEND: "When life comes at us hard and takes our breath away, --when we feel all alone and the weight is heavy on our own, God is right there beside us breathing life back in and holding our broken hearts in His nail scarred hands." TRUTH!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI just read your post... praying for you as you are praying for me! Love you right back!
DeleteWell, I'm still processing so many things about my season of quiet. I feared I would never write again. He's helping me process, but it's oh so hard. Love this..."Sometimes we are called to step back, to process alone, and work it out until we can let Him love us. But after that we are beckoned to sit out in wide open spaces and to taste and see (and remember) that the Lord is good..."
ReplyDeleteAmen, my friend! So much amen! Praying for you as you process... and write! ;)
DeleteKarrilee, thank you for sharing this hard part of your journey. Yes, I have those moments where I have to process what's going on. But I love your thoughts here on what to do AFTER. Yes, after we've taken time to be alone and work it out, it's time to get out in the wide open spaces and remember that God is good! Visiting from #tellHisstory today:)
ReplyDeleteAmen! I think we all need this reminder to move beyond the pulling back part! ;) Thanks so much for stopping by!
DeleteI spent four years doing this. The pain was so intense and so close it (almost) suffocated me. All the while walking as close to the Lord as I could without piggyback riding. It wasn't MY story but I was living HER story because you see, she is the reflection in my mirror, the girl of my heart, my first born. Her pain became mine. I don't tell HER story much, because it was hers to tell some day and now she does. She's experienced Calvary like some never do. She forgives much because she's been forgiven much. I think someone once wrote a song about it....His Amazing Grace. ;) Love you, Ms K, this too shall pass and if you need an ear or a shoulder - I don't VOX but I do have a phone!!! xo
ReplyDeleteI love you so and I am so thankful for your prayers... for your wisdom and testimony... rejoicing with you for how His grace found your girlie... and you... even in the midst of the breaking and the putting back together! xoxo
DeleteI have spent a lot of time questioning God and asking why. I love this reminder it set it aside for a while, and look for the wonder. Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, friend! God is good... and full of Wonder! It's just that sometimes we forget!
DeleteI love that you're honest enough to admit your big-girl-pouting-fits. I have them, too :). Hugs to you as you go out in search of wonder and return filled with grace!
ReplyDeleteOh friend... I can stomp my feet with the best/worst of them! ;) Thanks for the hugs and love, my friend! His Wonder and Grace is everywhere... we just need to be intentional in seeking it out sometimes!
DeleteKarrilee, this was most encouraging to me today. Yup, I know a thing or two about that adult-pouting you mentioned. And yes, why is God always right?! (LOL!)
ReplyDeleteSometimes when life just overwhelms me, the only place I can turn is His Word. I'll look up everything I can find about His hand upholding me, about Him fighting for me, etc. I find myself gently and gradually re-infused with His strength and peace.
Life is truly wonder-full - but you're right, you've gotta to stop and look for it. Eyes to see, ears to hear - this is my prayer.
GOD BLESS!
Yes... eyes to see, ears to hear... this is my prayer, too! And also Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose... ;) (A little Friday Night Lights humor/truth for ya!)
DeleteAren't you just so thankful for His Word and His Wonder... and how He opens them both up to us when we ask!
"He is at work and He longs to refill us with Wonder and Grace so we can freely pour it right back out!" I really needed to hear this today. I've been so busy and emotionally drained these past couple of weeks. Thank you for the reminder that God longs to "refill" me. I simply have to surrender and allow Him to do what only He can do.
ReplyDeleteBlessings!
Alyssa
Alyssa, I feel ya, my friend! Emotionally drained is just exactly it. I am so thankful He is ready and willing to refill us afresh, whenever we ask! Praying for us both today! Thanks so much for stopping by!
DeleteThere's such a connection between perceiving and receiving wonder and being soft and open to the Lord's leading! ...but in the midst of difficulties, we aren't always quick to see it. Thanks for letting a light into your process. Big hug! Glad to be linked next to you at Jennifer's.
ReplyDeleteRight? Well... I half-joked to my husband the other night that we made it all the way to September before my OneWord365 showed up in the unwanted way! That's not too shabby - especially considering all the OTHER ways Wonder has shown up this year! I feel that cyber Hug my friend! Thankful we get to be neighbors, even if it's only online! xoxo
DeleteA beautiful post. Your photos & words spoke to me deeply tonight. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy to hear this, friend! Sometimes the temptation to pull back and hide out is strong - but the desire to be real and stand together wins out... to assure each of us that we are not in this (whatever 'this' we are facing!) alone!
DeleteStrength will rise when we wait upon the Lord, right?! I know shower tears well and somehow reaching the end of ourselves often brings us to exactly where God wants us. And then we just have to move, even though we don't feel like it or feel Him. We just obey because He's God and we're not. Praying that He clears the path ahead as you process and thank you for stirring up some wonder to share with all of us!
ReplyDeleteThank you, friend! He is God... and (thank Him!) we are not! It's just that sometimes, we forget! ;) I seem to be saying and typing that phrase a LOT lately... thanks for stopping by and praying... and drinking in a bit of wonder with me!
DeleteHi Karrilee,
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful message. It is hard to share when life is beating you down. It is even harder to share that you've let life get you down. Thank you for your honesty and your wonderful message to remember that God is with us through the good times and the bad.
Thank you,
Laurie Kane
Amen, Laurie! He really is with us - in all times! I have come to find that times are good, or hard... but when sifted through His hands... they are rarely ever actually bad! He is a redeeming God, after all! ;) Thanks so much for stopping by!
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