Where I pray before I write... & I wait...

...& He just blows me away!

Once again - I had planned a post for today... mapped out a topic and an outline and put it in my drafts file to tap out this morning.  But that was all before... 

...before Boston. 

...before prayers and hearts and priorities were rerouted and once again refocused.


...before going through the motions in order to stay on task felt even more wrong than - well, than before.

So - instead of sticking to my plan... and typing out a post because it was scheduled, I stopped what I was doing.  I remembered to breathe - on purpose, with purpose.  I turned up the worship (thanks Kim Walker Smith!) and bowed down my heart... 

I prayed and asked Him what He wanted me to write... what was it that - right here, and right now - He is wanting you (yes, you!) to know beyond anything else...

And I waited.

I didn't have to wait long... He is ALWAYS speaking... always ready to let us in on what He is thinking... 

He is a thought, a breath, a heartbeat away and waiting
- just WAITING for us to turn our attention towards Him.
When we do that... He comes runnin'!

So - I asked... and I waited... and He spoke.

He turned me to Ezekiel 20 and I was brought to my knees.  

This - this right here? 
This is Grace:

“I seriously considered inflicting my anger on them in force right there in Egypt. Then I thought better of it. I acted out of who I was, not by how I felt. And I acted in a way that would evoke honor, not blasphemy, from the nations around them, nations who had seen me reveal myself by promising to lead my people out of Egypt. And then I did it: I led them out of Egypt into the desert.

                                                                           (Ezekiel 20:9-10 The Message) 

Did you see that?

It seems with every national tragedy... with every act of terrorism... with every violent natural disaster - the question of God and His goodness rises up - from those who know Him and those who don't... but this?

Just - wow!

"I seriously considered inflicting

my anger on them in force right there...

then I thought better of it.

I acted out of who I was, not by how I felt.

I acted in a way that would evoke honor, not blasphemy..."

If this was the only thing you knew about God

- it would be enough to choose Him -

that whenever I do something, choose something,

say something that stirs up His anger

- instead of blowing up or boiling over -

He thinks better of it -

and instead, He acts out of Who He is,

not going by how He feels.  

Lord - let that be said of me!

When I feel wronged or hurt... when I find bitterness or fear rising up within and what I want to consider (or find myself already doing) is more in line with Anger than Grace - let it be said of me that I THINK BETTER OF IT and I act out of who He is (in me) - and not by how I feel!

As if that is not enough to bless and to ponder... He goes on...

He goes on because I think He is super smart

and He knows how we are! 

You see - if I were to stop right there... well - I would fail. 

I can't possibly remember to think better of it ALL the TIME!  Sometimes - yes.  More and more - that is my prayer! But EVERY time? Doubtful...

So He goes on:

"I gave them laws for living, showed them how to live well and obediently before me. I also gave them my weekly holy rest days, my “Sabbaths,” a kind of signpost erected between me and them to show them that I, God, am in the business of making them holy."  

                                                                         (Ez 20:11-12 The Message)

So - He gives and He gives and He gives some more!

He gives laws for living.... shows us how to live well... 

He gives us Rest days... holy Sabbaths as a signpost...

Did you see what it's for?  "to show them that I, God,

am in the business of making them holy."

It's HIM - not us!

HE is in the business of making us holy!

He is in the business of helping us 'to think better of it'. 

Friend - aren't you just so glad

that He is just SO GOOD?

The Amplified Bible says it this way:

"...that they might understand and realize that I am the Lord Who sanctifies them (separates and sets them apart)."

He doesn't leave us on our own - ever!

He doesn't sit back and let anger stir and simmer... 

He doesn't expect us to get it right every time...
but He does desire for us to let Him do it right through us...  

When you feel anger stirring...
when you feel lost and on your own...
when you are scared or unsure
or just bending low under the weight
of a load you are not meant to carry... 
when you feel wronged or cheated
or so very tired...

Look for the signpost... 
Breathe in the fresh air of the Spirit...
Pray and wait - expecting to hear...
and experience His love running towards you...
His 'thinking better of it' through you...
His acting out of Who He is...
not by what He (or you) feel!

At this time, in this season... 
In EVERY season...
let that be said of us!

Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

Linking up today with Jennifer Dukes Lee at  #TellHisStory

Where I write about "Community" - Keepin' it Real!

So - I had scheduled this little post awhile back... just adding the above title to a draft and then put it away for later!

I decided that since I was signed up to host an (in)RL Meet Up in about 10 days... writing about Community - in real life vs. online - would be a good way to think things through here and promote the conference at the same time.

Little did I know that this week... well - there are TONS of link ups and blog posts talking about this buzzword that is often thrown around and sought after, but rarely entered into with all that same fervor.

No - I don't think that a one of us has escaped the temptation to shy away... to build walls... to play it safe... but we were created by a loving God who is made for community... He is relational and personal... and we are called to become ever more like Him.

So - (gulp) here I go... this is my take...

This is me being real and honest and putting my own vulnerable self just right out there...

I am blessed beyond measure to have amazing Communities - both in real life and in cyberspace!

In 'real life': face-to-face, heart-to-heart Community... living real lives - out loud - in good times and in bad... Community that has stuck together through weddings and kids, through church splits and relocations, through divorce and rebellion, through encouraging messages, convicting honesty, and challenging conversations, through urgent prayer requests and glorious testimonies. Sure - some of the 'players' have changed - but that is life. People come and go and some are just in your life for a season.

The thing is - when I say "Community" - I am not saying 'church.' That said, for the most part - my husband and I are blessed with friendships that have stood the test of time - and the tests of the enemy.  Most of them were formed and grew inside of church... but they are not limited to an affiliation.  These friends have seen us at our best, and at our worst.  They have called us on the masks of "fine" or pretending, and held us when we've been broken.  They have helped to bring healing, and lifted us up when we just really wanted to fall down instead. They have been there for us... and us, for them... they are Jesus to us in the times when we really need Him to have skin on.  They are not just ministering to us - but allow us to minister to them as well! We are not a 'project' - nor are they - we are real life friends... family, really. We are blessed.

My 'online' community began really several years ago... way before it was even a 'thing'... my in-the-flesh friends didn't really get how I could spend time on the computer, pouring into people who I didn't really know - but pour, I did.  It was a ministry and I knew it even when I fell prey to the doubting.  

Over the past few years - and the past 6 months in particular - however, my online Community has evolved more and flourished.  It has grown beyond what I ever envisioned it could be! It is much more of a give and take now. I am blessed to have found fellow artists, writers, sisters, kindred spirits... friends who get me - even though they have yet to meet me in person.  Even though - as one of the treasures from my online Community says, they have yet to hug me proper!

It all sounds too dreamy, too oh so charming, and picture-perfect... nearly fictional, really - as in too-good-to-be-true!  It does to me too, at times!

But don't be fooled... life is not picture-perfect.  
I am still longing for Community.

As much as I am blessed with friendships that have spanned decades; friends in whom I have lived Honest and in whom I have been Present and Fully Invested - who have also remained Present and who have Fully Invested right back into me...

...as much as I am blessed with friendships online in whom we skip right over that surface small talk and dive deep right into all the Real and the Hard and the Truth of the Matters...

I attend a church where I can feel extremely invisible... I can go to church on any given Sunday, walk in, sit down, worship, (even go through the meet-n-greet ritual,) listen to the Word preached, and go home,

...and never have felt like I was a part of something...  

Now - I fully realize that much of this is my own fault.

I actually have nothing against my church.  Though my approach to what I feel church should look like differs from how things are right now, I think my church is a great church, with a powerful vision, great ministries, good hearts... and while I have nothing against it... I wish I could be all in.

Oh, I was for a season.

You see - I feel so called to a world beyond the walls of a church building... and I believe we ARE the church wherever we go... but after a few years of going to this somewhat large church, I began to tire of feeling insignificant and not a part.  So - we did what we knew would work.  We jumped in and signed up and found ourselves actively 'involved'... all good things!  Instantly - we had friends... we found 'Community' and we were a part!  We were also at church several days per week and after a season, I looked around and found that once again - all of our friendships were confined to inside those 4 walls.

This is fine for some... most even maybe... but here's the thing:

We know that we've been called
to be the church outside of the church...
to not only live out loud among the 'unchurched'
but to live in love among the 'other churched'.

We've been Ruined by Grace...
& Saturated by Love...

I've been laid out low & bowed down flat
& encountered the Lord first hand,
where He held my hand
& told me to read Hosea
& to see how He is not wanting me
to call Him 'My Master'
(although He is that!),
but to call Him 'My Husband'
(He is that too!)

So - we stepped back... not from everything, but from most things!
We were not disgruntled or wounded...
just making room to get back to what we are called to do.
In doing that, we once again seemed to fade back into invisibility.
I have found that to really be a part of Community inside,
it often takes up all of my time... when what I am called to
is to be a part of Community outside.  

I'd love to be both... to have my circles overlap...
to be able to live and serve and be fed in one place...
I'm getting closer... I'm seeing that it can happen
- and it's up to me!  

So - as part of taking a risk and reaching out 
- I am hosting an (in)RL Meet Up
for the (in)Courage unConference.
On April 26th and 27th, all around the globe...
women will gather... women like you and women like me
- who are hungering for Community and connection
and to be heard and seen
and to be a part of something...

We will step across fear, and bridge over shyness...
We will risk leaving our masks at home
and we will meet up - (in)RL
- and Talk Real and Live Out Loud
and Be Present and Create Community
in homes and churches and coffeehouses all over.

We will Linger over Coffee and Laugh on Couches,
Talk about Truth, and Pray as Sisters...
some will show up strangers,
but my prayer is that none will leave that way!

No - we will create community in real life...
and build our lives out loud from there!

Join us, won't you?  Click on this link here to see
if there is a Meet Up scheduled in your area...

If there is - take a risk... be bold...
sign up and arrive expecting friendship to be waiting for you!

If there isn't... take a risk(ier risk?)... be bold(er?)...
sign up to host... and create an atmosphere that breeds Community
- no matter where, or who, or when!

Where do you go to find Community?
How do you balance life inside & outside of church...
or (in)RL & online for that matter?
I'd love to here!

Speak Life.  Be Love.  Shine On.
~Karrilee~

#1000Gifts... counting on with Multitudes!

Last week was tough and I'm not even really sure why.

It was the week After... 

The week After a lot of things... a lot of driving, sight-seeing, exploring... a lot of vacationing and fun... a lot of fullness and family and laughter... a lot of noise and busy and rush.

So last week, I was looking forward to the fall-back-into-routine parts... the quiet empty Monday morning, the return of my Happy Intercessors on Tuesday... the slow rhythm of laundry and vacuuming, writing and posting, list-making and picture-taking... but I felt like what I really needed was more sleep... less busy... and more - way more - coffee!

I also noticed that last week - I fell out of the daily habit of Counting... and (I know you won't be surprised) I found once I returned to THAT routine - well... things got much better!

So here are a few things from my list last week:

3 Gifts Waited for:
#1074. Meeting my Great Nephew Ethan Conner
#1075. Breakthrough in Weight Loss Plateau
#1076. Coffee to finish brewing

#1078. Playing with Great Niece & Nephew in the mornings when the rest of the house was sleeping!

3 Gifts Rising Up:

#1079. My Resolve - to get back on track with healthy eating and regular exercising.
#1080. Hope for Change
#1081. My fam - up and out on a Monday morning.

#1088. A Bright Sunshiney Day

#1091. Family serving side by side, Feeding 5,000 for Children of the Nations - assembling meals to be shipped all over the world.

 

#1092. My girlie - with a FULL day of responsibilities - stepping up (and still finding time to hang with the fam' in between work shifts and DECA work and friends!)

#1094. Date night with my Honey
#1095. Dave (my Honey!) - just consistently being Awesome!
#1099. Mom turning 71 today...
#1100. ...and living right next door so we could celebrate!
#1101. How Jonah Boy follows me from room to room to lay down at my feet (and no, he's not a dog - he's our cat!)

#1102. Morning coffee with Dave and the Word

#1103. Waking up, still in bed... with praises on your lips! Best way to start the day!

Speak Life.  Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

I had planned on linking up with Ann this morning - instead, I am posting here... and linking with her in prayer for Boston!

A Symphony of Lives lived well

Yes... let's strive for THAT!

Quote taken from the post in which I talk about

the secret recipe to living a life wholeheartedly.

You can read it in its entirety by clicking here:

"Be the Song...Walk in Tune..."

Happy Sunday!

Speak Life.  Be Love.  Shine On.

~Karrilee~

From one Ragamuffin to another... Thank You!

I remember first paging through
The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning
years ago... and falling.

Falling deeper
and deeper in love...

Deeper and deeper
into His Grace.

So - really - even for me,
there are no words! 

But this... 
well this quote just about sums up
why I love him and why he will be missed:

“We should be astonished at the goodness of God,

stunned that He should bother to call us by name,

our mouths wide open at His love,

bewildered that at this very moment

we are standing on holy ground.”

― Brennan Manning

Here are a few more of my favorite quotes
by Brennan Manning (taken from www.goodreads.com):


“My deepest awareness of myself is that I am
deeply loved by Jesus Christ
and I have done nothing
to earn it or deserve it.” 
― Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

“To live by grace means to
acknowledge my whole life story,
the light side and the dark.
In admitting my shadow side
I learn who I am
and what God's grace
means.” 
― Brennan Manning

“There is a beautiful transparency
to honest disciples
who never wear a false face
and do not pretend
to be anything
but who they are.” 
― Brennan Manning

“How glorious the splendor
of a human heart
that trusts that
it is loved!” 
― Brennan Manning

“Do the truth quietly without display.” 
― Brennan Manning


Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.
~Karrilee~

Linking up with Barbie today over at the Weekend Brew...

Five MInute Friday - HERE

Wow... just SO MUCH FUN at the #FMFParty... It was SO fun that I am almost out of Words (and Hashtags!) ALMOST... not to worry!

First - the fine print if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at one minute past midnight Friday morning (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Five Minute Friday - HERE...

{GO}

I love my home.  Honestly - as much as I love to go
and get out and see the world at large
- normally there is nothing sweeter
than the coming Home...
the returning to Here...

We had a glorious Spring Break last week...
lots of travel and fun and great memories made
(and a TON of photo's!)...

We came home to unpack suitcases
only to have a house FILLED to the rim with family.

Blessings and Babies
...and Laughter and Love all around!

So. Much. Love.

Normally with the return of School comes the return of Routine
- which usually blesses this Mama's heart!  I am a Day Planner girl
- and I love a bossy list that tells me what must get done.

This week, however, I have had a hard time settling back in;
not quite finding my groove.

I don't know if it is because the realization hit that
this was my 'last' Spring Break...
our girlie is turning 18 in a month,
and graduating in two...
and this was our last big hurrah!

As we prepare for her still undecided future,
we are learning to let go - so as not to tear apart.

She has been my Here... my focus... my life's calling...
for 18 years now (how is that even possible?)

- and we have grown her up to be one of our best friends.
(She is pretty freaking amazing!)

But - no matter where Home is
...for me, or for her, for us...
Home is HERE where my heart remains:
...this glorious heart-to-heart connection
that lives on beyond different addresses, zip codes,
and even - gasp - time zones.

Here - with my girlie, my friend...
My heart beating outside of my chest...

{STOP}

So - I didn't really see that one coming... but I made it through just in time for my 'Here' (my girlie) to get home from work and want to snuggle a bit... AND I (almost!) posted an entire Five Minute Friday post without mentioning #Nutella.  Almost!

Speak Life, Be Love, Shine On!

~Karrilee~

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts!
Click here to read what others have to say about "HERE":

When what it FEELS like what you need is more time...

So - if you've been coming around here

for any amount of time really

- it will come as no surprise

to hear me say that on some days...

well - on some days,

there is just not enough coffee!

On some days, the lists feel bossier than normal,

and the mind is spinning faster than I can keep up,

and it can feel as if I am spinning out of control

and going nowhere fast.

Some days it feels like

I have forgotten to breathe.

Seriously... as if I have not once

- through out my day -

actually literally FULLY inhaled.

But oh how we need oxygen!

I saw this little Manifesto on facebook this morning...

it sort of brought me back to Center!

So - while this is the week AFTER Spring Break

and that normally offers me the joyful return to routine...

I have found myself feeling 'behind' and undone...

restless and breathless

and what I felt like I was needing

was more time!

Instead of rushing into my day head on...

I blocked out a chunk of time

(which - remember - I feel short of this week!)

and I cranked up some worship

and found myself curled up in my quiet spot.

Kim Walker-Smith was singing about how "The King is Here"

and I was thinking of how we can feel that

what we need is more time

- but what we REALLY need is to remember

that He is here!

The veil has been torn... He abides IN us...

Wherever we go... He goes.

Whatever we do... He is along for the ride.

When we feel rushed and out of breath...

He never does.

We have the choice to tap into His Kingdom and His way

and simply stopping for a moment and Leaning In...

acknowledging His Presence

- it releases peace and it reminds us that

when we can't (fill-in-the-blank), He CAN!

He holds the answers to every question...  

He relieves the stress and worry of every concern.

When we breathe Him in... our perspectives shift.

Micah said it simply... we get so caught up in bossy lists

and pressures that we either put on ourselves,

or allow others to pile upon us,

but "He has shown you, O Man,

what is good and what does the Lord require of you

but to do justly,

to love mercy,

and to walk humbly

with your God?" 

And while that list isn't long or bossy,

it does require living intentionally

- on purpose, with purpose!

I'm not gonna lie - I love a long and bossy list!

Not every day - but on most days!

It allows me to see what I've accomplished.

It's not so easy to check off:

Do Justly, Love Mercy, or Walk Humbly,

but my hearts' desire is to

accomplish all of those things

- while still crossing off tasks completed.

We have real life things that must get done

- but we get them done so much better

when we remember to invite Him along;

when we remember to ask for help;

when we remember to invite Him in to our daily lives,

He swoops in with all He has to offer

- which is everything!

Every good and perfect gift...

Every Grace and Love and Wisdom...

Our God is relational... He is intimate and passionate...

He desires time spent with us

when we are quiet and listening for Him,

as well as when we are doing the dishes,

paying the bills, or taking care of those around us.

He wants our heart - but He is not needy...

He is here to Give... always to pour out and serve... 

He is not wanting to be a task for you to cross off

- even if it is on the top of your list!

He wants all of your day... and every one of them too!

When I feel like I need more time -

I am learning that what I really need is less striving.

What I really need is Him.

His Presence. His Guidance. His Covering & Blessing.

He is the One, after all, Who lives inside and outside of time.

He holds everything in His hands and when I remember that...

when I remember that while I am limited - He is not...

then it's easier to lean in to Him and to trust!

Some days I think I honestly forget to breath.

Obviously, I DO it... but I am not aware of it.

I don't do it on purpose.

Oh but when I do...

when I slow enough to actually breathe in deep...

filling up lungs to capacity...

and slowly exhale,

(and then do it again and again!)

- well, my body immediately reacts

to the rush of oxygen it receives.

It only takes two, maybe three deep breaths

to bring peace, calm and a realization that

I can breathe without thinking about it

- I CAN cross off my To-Do list

and move on to the next thing...

...but when I breathe (and live) intentionally

- on purpose, with purpose,

He realigns and revives all that is needed

- for this day, for this moment!

Because honestly - what I most need is not more time...

it's not a bossy list crossed off and accomplished.

No - what I most need is Jesus!

It's His Presence and Power - alive and active in me

- it's His leading and Love that I am in need of.  

Only then will I be able to do what He requires...

which is to do justice, to love kindness,

and to walk humbly with Him.

When you give Him

a little of your time...

He gives you more of His!

What do you do when you are feeling

overwhelmed or out of time?

May I encourage you to slow for a moment...

breathe deep... and lean in!

Speak Life.  Be Love. Shine On.

~Karrilee~

When you can't hear the yapping anymore...& other good signs!

(Linking up with Holley Gerth & her community of God-Sized Dreamers today... addressing fear...)

“Fear hangs out right next to whatever it is you’re most called to do. That means the closer you get to your calling, the louder fear sounds. Keep going–fear is a chihuahua that sounds like a Doberman.” —You’re Made for a God-sized Dream, Chapter Five

“Dear Chihuahua of Fear,

I have some things I’d like to say to you…”

Oh yes... you have been yipping and yapping at me since my toddler years!

You, with your annoying whiney bark and pretend fierceness!

You, with your circling my feet - trying to intimidate me and slow my steps, from way down there!  Even back when I was first learning to walk - you snapped at me and attempted to push me around.  

Oh yes... you have ALWAYS wanted to be the Boss of me.

For years, I let you.  I let loose of your leash and forgot I was bigger.  I let your constant anger work on my every nerve and I allowed your whining to become the melody that played in the back of my mind... all day, every day. For years.  

Yes.  Oh so often, I'd forget who was really in charge.

Every once in awhile - I'd find you strangely silent... maybe napping or attacking at someone elses' ankles.  It felt unsettling to have quiet... to walk with a long stride... to make what felt remarkably like forward motion!

But you were never gone for long... you, with your tiny little self - attempting to be puffed up and larger than life.  

You, with your bark that is so much larger than your bite...

You, who too many times have tipped your hand and jumped up as high as you can. It was one of those times, that I first really noticed that you're only smoke and mirrors... just a shadow of a threat.  

There came a defining moment when I realized how powerful I am... how powerful HE is in me... and that I didn't really have to take your lame attacks anymore! I didn't have to cower at your running towards me.  I didn't need to be afraid... but I also realized that merely ignoring your presence was not enough!  

In fact, I posted about you recently here... where I wrote about how 'Fear is tricky... he can wiggle his way back in to the back of your thoughts, to the corner of your decision making and not even make a sound.  But just hosting his presence back there in the dark invites him in to whisper loud, to cause to hesitate and question, to shrink back rather than to lean in."

The good news is that once I realized you packed no punch and all you are is hot air (dog breath) and lies - I found I couldn't hear you yapping so loudly.  

Eventually - I decided to kick you out completely... you are no longer an 'inside dog'... you're not even welcome within my yard to 'guard' and 'protect'.

No - I am on to you... the way you guard and protect brings seclusion and destruction and it locks me in.  I have grown restless of simply wishing away what might be.  I refuse to sit inside - dreaming out the window... watching what might have been pass me by! 

You - my not so friendly 'friend' - have been banished! I am over you and your relentless ways... all your yapping lies and doubts, your why-even-try's and what-if's at me! 

I have realized that when I replace your noisy annoying snapping with the Truth that is bigger than fear, I can't hear the yapping anymore.  I find myself breathing relief, and standing taller.  I find irritations cease and hope arises.  I feel a pull to walk with purpose... with long Dreamy steps forward, enjoying the view!  

It's as if when Truth walks in the door... you cower and with your tail between your legs, you scurry away - back into the darkness! The Truth of who I am, and Whose I am is just too much for you.  All your barking and begging will not lure me back to play with you.  No - I have decided I will entertain Truth... in all His glory... and allow Him to lead me!

Oh look... who's the Alpha (Dog) NOW?
{insert whining and running away here!}

A playful look at how the 'chihuahua of fear' affects us and how Truth comes in and fear cowers; how we actually have a choice...

Choose Life.  Choose Love. Choose Light.
(Speak Life. Be Love. Shine On.)
~Karrilee~