Willing - Five Minute Friday with a little Cup of Coffee

So... don't hate me because it's Beautiful...

My glorious walk!                  

I know, right? I told ya'll I was ready for Spring! Hoping it sticks around this time! So - I had this plan to write a post to link up with Holley Gerth's super fun link up "Coffee for your Heart" on Wednesday but, well... blue skies! PLUS - I am leaving on a jet plane... ok - not really - but I am packing up and heading to the Faith and Culture Writers Conference at George Fox so I have been preoccupied... not giving in to Self-Doubt or Hestitation, because - you know...we're laying down our #LoveIdol for Lent and all!

So - tonights' prompt from Lisa-Jo ("Willing") actually matches up quite nicely with Holley's prompt on Wednesday:

“A small thing that makes a big difference is…” 

Oh but - first - the fine print: if you don't know what FMF is!  Five Minute Fridays are hosted by Lisa Jo Baker.  It is open to anyone, so to learn more about it - and to jump in yourself (the more the merrier!) or just to find a linky to see what everyone is writing about today - click HERE!  The idea is to simply write... for Five Minutes flat... no editing, no deep thinking - or at least REthinking, no spell check - just write! Let it flow! We all write using a prompt that Lisa posts at 10pm Thursday night (EST.)  I'm loving the community of amazing bloggers and the creativity that flows from these magical Five Minutes!

So - here goes: Coffee for Your Heart PLUS Five Minute Friday - The Word Prompt is: WILLING

{GO}

Aaahh yes... A small thing that makes a big difference.  This is a thought that I hadn't entertained for years... YEARS, sadly!  

I had forgotten. I forgot that little things add up quick.  

I read a book last year by Noel Brewer Yeatts called Awake and it rocked my world.  It reminded me of the truth of the above statement! It woke me up.  

It activated my faith and stirred up a passion and I wrote a little bit about it last week for FMF and how God is drawing me to a cause. 

It started small.  I heard about a few ministries that were making a difference and I wanted in.  I hosted a party.  I bought a bag, and some jewelry, and a shirt.  I marked my hand with a Red X.  I raised money, awareness, and hope.  I did a little... and God continues to do a lot.

And now... I am looking a bit closer to home.  I support the global outreaches - but my heart is relational and hands-on and my heart breaks for these girls.  Before I knew what was happening, I was having converations with people right here in my own town and I am crafty - as in Pinterest, not the bad way... at least not so much, and they are wanting Crafts with the girls at the house and I am saying yes without hesitation and I know crafts may not change their lives or heal their hurts but crafts are a small thing that I can do that gets me in the door.  I will pray and I will love and I will hope that they see Jesus... and maybe a Mama's heart... and one small thing leads to another and when we are willing and just say yes - look what God can do?

{STOP}

On this - the second day of Lent, where I am giving up Self-Doubt and Hesitation - because, why not really? - I am hitting publish anyway and I am trusting that you know this is so not about me (even though glancing up there I see a lot of "I"s) - this is about how any of us can do a small thing and watch the Lord make it BIG in the Kingdom of God!

Five Minute Fridays gives us the chance to dive right in and share what He puts on our hearts! Click here to read what others have to say about "WILLING"  

So, what about you? What Small things do you do that you have found end up being Big?

I am also linking up, talking of doing small things that make a huge difference, with Holley Gerth and the Community at:

My Love Idol revealed... (It's true. I have issues!)

So, remember how on Monday I said this:

"Turns out... I have issues.  It's not that I am just NOW learning this, but it's that I thought I had laid down all my Idols already. I mean - sure, I pick them back up - but still... I like to think I'm getting better freer.  I like to think I have cleaned out the dark corners of my heart to let Him live, but then Jennifer Lee goes and reminds me with her book that it's not me or what I do... it's not whether I am enough - but it's that HE is... He always, always is! And in Him, we are Preapproved!  

So I applied and am on the Book Launch Team for Love Idol, and we are leaning in, asking Him to do the work - to cleanse our hearts and wipe clean our slates.  We want to lay down every single idol, every single place/person/thing that we turn to for approval and validation... and we are naming them one by one come Wednesday and giving them up - not just for Lent, but hopefully for good!"

Yeah... about that...

I am still struggling on what to name this thing, and even more than that - on how to stay accountable in the laying down of it - whatever 'it' is!

When I first heard of this little invitation, I said yes and then hit the floor.  I asked Him right away and heard Him clearly, but you know how that goes... it wasn't something really tangible, doable, easy.  I wanted something better - or worse... what I wanted was something solid. Instead, I am stuck with pressing in to this bold, vague statement; digging into it day by day, looking for the opportunities to lay it down as they come.  

Let me back up, just a little.  I have been on this ride with God for over a decade, of slowly answering His call to be authentic; to be who I am, wherever I am.  Of course - when that call first comes, part of the process is searching for all the true pieces of you. Letting go of the parts that don't actually fit... that weren't custom designed for you to walk in. It takes time and focus and it feels like a stripping down and a stripping away. But then you begin to walk taller in who He has made you to be. You begin to compete and strive less, apologize less - at least when you are not to blame.  You begin to know right away when you've messed up and you own it then and there. 

So God and I, we've been shining the light on my idols, on these dark corners of my heart, one by one for quite some time now.  I don't know that while we are still here, clothed in this flesh, that we will ever truly be free of all of them.  But they get less familiar... they make themselves at home in our hearts more awkwardly; it's not as easy for them to slip in unnoticed and act like they run the place.

So, it was several years ago when in the midst of a worship service, that Jesus asked me a question.  I was in His Presence, hands raised, head thrown back, singing out as if I can carry a tune, "I believe that You're my Healer. I believe that You are all I need.  You're more than enough for me..." when He came in close, His very breath warm to my ear, and whispered, "Am I? Really? Am I more than enough for you?"

He showed me that through every thing, He's been there... He's been there through every disappointment, through every failure, every shortcoming and sin... He's picked me up, pulled me close, brushed me off and cleaned me out... He's been there.  And He's more than enough for me!

It's not that I am without sin (clearly) and it's not that I have it all together (I assure you I do not!) but He has supernaturally changed my bent and captured my heart in a way that is powerful and I pray is evident to those around me.  I love Him with all my heart and try to keep a clean slate... a short list.  I know how easy it is to get side-tracked. To be busy about doing and being good.  I so want to live out the mandate He gave me (To speak life, to be love, to shine on.) that often times I find myself so busy being and doing those things that I forget that He is enough.  I forget that in all the pouring out, I need to fill back up.  And it seems when I am running on empty, well... that is where the issues are found.

But, most days, He is more than enough for me.  So why did I feel a shifting last week when I asked Him what Love Idol I had picked up and placed before Him?  What He so clearly whispered to my heart... it was this:

I want you to lay down the Idols of Self-Doubt & Hesitation. For underneath those Idols, are hidden many others.

Jennifer explains a little more about what a Love Idol is like this:

“The Love Idol has enslaved me, chaining me to my approval rating. I have been addicted to being liked. And the world is a buffet, dishing out heaping portions of flimsy praise: crowns for the homecoming queens, trophies for the  first-place finishers, glossy covers for the world’s most beautiful. We fill our plates, feeding on lies about love. We nibble crumbs of approval and always leave the table hungry for more. We measure love and respect by numbers: Facebook friends, checkbook balances, monthly sales quotas, and dress sizes. It never fills.”   (Love Idol, Chapter 1)

So it seems I have been called out.  I have picked up these nifty little Idols called Self-Doubt and Hesitation and as long as I carry them around with me, they enable me to give excuses; to compare; to give in to pride and call it something else...

Self-Doubt allows me to turn to some place/person/thing (aka my bed/my husband/my food) instead of turning to Him - who will readily and willingly comfort and support... who already validates and approves of me; who will truly fill me up.

I want to lay down that whole list... 
Pride, Comparing, Excuses, Self Doubt, Hesitating...

To Hesitate. Some may say that's not so bad... in the big picture of things! After all, I have been learning to lean in and say yes and fake brave all the while... but it's that Hesitating that breaks my heart, and maybe His too. 

I hesitate. I don't know that I fully believe when He says to Go or to Do or to Say something... I have this little Idol vying for just a glance in his direction and once we lock eyes, I can't fight him.  He's too much and I give in and Self-Doubt takes over.  

When I feel the call to get back on track with my healthy eating and actually - you know - working out,  Self-Doubt reminds me that I hit a wall a few years ago, and I just can't lose any more weight.  "It's pointless," he says, smacking his lips... and I am mesmerized by the cake on his plate.

When I feel particularly good about a post written, Self-Doubt snickers behind me and points out that no one will even read it... how can they, with so little fanfare... no audience... no comments. I hit publish anyway because I know. I know it only takes one pair of eyes to drink in truth that can change a heart and transform a life and I hit publish anyway... but the next time I sit to write, I feel a little less like a Writer.  I give in to Self-Doubt and think if I was going to tackle this thing the 'right' way, I'd be more business-minded... I would build a platform and gain subscribers and be busy busy busy and there is nothing wrong with that - but there is every thing wrong with that if it is prompted by an Idol and not by God.

I give in to Self-Doubt and I get caught up in the numbers and the striving and competition online is ugly and I want no part of it, so I fight it off and I take all my insecurities and doubts to Jesus. I hand them over, dejected. Feeling shame and rejection, because - yes... again... I fell for it all again. And I am tired of the fight.  

I don't want to care about the numbers, the "Likes", the hits... I don't want to care about the scale or the size or the reflection staring back at me. I don't want to hesitate when He calls me to do something new because I may look funny or do it wrong or it may be misunderstood. I don't want to care, but let's be honest.

I do. I do care... and that in itself is not bad or wrong or sin.  It's that I forget to see those things through His eyes of Love... I forget to see that He has already accepted me. That He knows... He sees all of these doubts and hesitations and excuses and He loves me anyway... He loves me still.  

You see what hides under Self-Doubt and Hesitation are all the Excuses, the Comparison, the Pride.  

I give Excuses whenever He asks me to do something out of my Comfort Zone - but haven't I been wanting to Embrace Change and learn to Take Risks and since when do I hold on and own anything of my own that is ever EVER going to be better than what He has to offer me?

I unleash Comparison when I hit refresh and constantly look for new comments, when I am paying more attention to the numbers than to my own heart -or His, and when I hesitate in rejoicing with someone else whom God is choosing to bless.

I submit to Pride when I weigh out an opportunity - considering how it will make me look or feel and be perceived if I fail, or if I succeed.  When I attempt to hide behind humility and defer to someone else - and I know all the while that it is something I am called to do - even if I am not the one who will do it best.

So here I am... kicking Self-Doubt and Hesitation to the curb.  I am not even really sure how I will go about doing that but I am putting it out here. 

My instinct to pull back, to self-protect, to shy away...
yeah - I'm laying that down (and all just days before I attend another conference.  Grrrreat!)  

My tendencies to give in to thoughts of:

"I'm not qualified."

"I can't do that."  

or "I'm not ready."

Those don't fit anymore.  When God asks me to do something, I vow to say Yes without hesitating; without talking myself out of it or giving excuses.  I am shining the light on the corners of my heart and I want every Thump. Thump. Thump. to beat Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.

So here we are... searching our hearts and asking God to reveal and help us remove any idols we have taken up, replacing His rightful place in our hearts.  Maybe you, like me, have never really celebrated or observed Lent... and still, you feel a stirring... a pulling... deeper - towards something more.  

Rest assured, that More is not what is being asked of you, it is what has already been offered to you! He has more... so much more! And I hope you are willing... I hope you are leaning in with me, because who doesn't want to stand up tall in who He has created us to be and on Easter Morning, offer up a Heart that is freely and wholly His.  

He purchased our heart already... and let's not forget, we willingly gave it to Him before.  

Let's do it again! Are you with me?

Jennifer's new book
Love Idol: Letting Go of
Your Need for Approval
– and Seeing Yourself
Through God’s Eyes
is available for pre-order
now on Amazon and will be
released on April 1st,
because, of course.

We'd love for you to join us!



Linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee (the author of Love Idol) for #TellHisStory



For your own time of Worship... Do you believe this?  Is He more than enough for you?

What I Learned in the Last Two Months...

I know, I know... ya'll thought I forgot about these monthly recaps.  I didn't.  But don't you wish I was going to start off with:

1. I learned to keep a list of things I am learning...

Sigh... but alas, no! No I did NOT learn (or remember) to do this... even though I have been playing along with this - my favorite link up - with Emily Freeman for months and months now and every month I think, ya know - I should write stuff down! (and then, I'm all like - Naaahhh - I'll remember! - clearly forgetting that I am now in my 40's and thus, remember nothing.)

But it's ok, because secretly, I think you really enjoy watching me suffer wing it - so let's just jump right in and see what I (can remember that I) learned in the last two months! Our "hostess" of this super fun link up was in Uganda with Compassion when January came around so we didn't have a link up then, but still - check out her post on "10 Things I Learned in January: Uganda Edition"

So - here we go!  Let's see what I learned...
A Recap of sorts of the Last Two Months...
(I know, I couldn't even type it without cracking up...)


12 Random Things that I learned in the Last 2 Months:

1. It turns out that when God starts to awaken you to global issues that break your heart, often times - it is happening right around the corner too! I have been getting stirred up and broken down about the reality of modern day slavery, learning about human and sex trafficking all over the world for a few years now, but it wasn't until the last couple of months that I learned of the reality of how this is happening in my own small town. We are blessed that we have quite a few ministries and organizations that are actively reaching out here to make a difference!  We joined in on a local Raising Awareness Walk downtown, that took us by the county jail and the city hall, hearing from ministers and detectives who are hard at work to bring freedom in my own city!

I attended a couple of local events, hearing amazing testimonies from women who escaped that lifestyle after being taken and forced into it and surviving in it for decades... they also gave a bit of training in how to spot someone who may be caught in this life.  We heard of ministry in the local jail, as well as a home for teen girls - offering safety, education, and training to start a new life. (I am looking forward to craft nights there soon!)

2. I learned that after decades of just holding on... trying to keep the faith... and feeling just a tiny bit of embarrassment in telling people who your team is - well, the pay off is HUGE! (#GoHawks!)  I have to say... although my Honey really has been a huge diehard fan of the Seattle Seahawks for - well, pretty much the whole time, I am relatively new. I have Friday Night Lights to thank for giving me an understanding of and love for the game so really it's only been a few years that I have been paying attention. And well - what a GREAT time to start paying attention, right?

12th Man is where it's AT, ya'll!   

3. I learned that I just can't handle the Truth (of Scandal)! For real though!  So - my college girlie and I were all done with some sort of Netflix series and we were looking for something new to obsess about watch together when someone seemingly innocently suggested that we watch Scandal, because - well - Olivia Pope.  Here's the thing... we loved it... and then we really wanted to love it... and then we were watching by peering through the hands over our faces... and then we were listening only because our eyes were closed.  Yeah - it turns out I like the IDEA of Olivia Pope way more than I like watching or rooting for her! This is one show I just want the Spoilers for so you can spare me all the nightmares and conflicted emotions. *On a side note, I thought I was fine but now it's starting again and I am all wanting to know what happened. We quit watching it halfway through last season and I am sticking with not watching. **On an unrelated note - I will be paying attention to the commercials as if they are full blown episodes because for me, they will be!

4. I learned that when you begin to pray about your God-Sized Dreams - God begins to open doors to show you what they may be! So I began last year to press in and ask God to clarify where my Dreams and His intertwined.  I thought my dreams were fine, but He said that they were too small. So as we talked it out and prayed it through, we realized that of course - of course we are called together... my Honey and I, side by side... him, leading in to the very Presence of God, and me - praying, declaring, resting there, inviting anyone and everyone to come and taste and see that the Lord is good! On Wednesday evenings, we attend a Bible college and in the past few months they have opened the door for us to lead in worship and prayer... to teach and share and declare.  We are leaning in, pursuing our God-Sized Dreams together.

5. I learned that hosting a Sole Hope Party is, seriously ya'll, an AMAZING way to spend a Saturday morning! I first heard about Sole Hope back in October while at the Allume bloggers conference and knew right away that I would be hosting a Shoe Cutting Party.  I got home and the holidays were already upon us and so I waited until mid-January to actually plan a day.  It is simple and fun and it is making a HUGE difference.

For more info, and to learn how to host your own party, go to SoleHope.org

6. I (re)learned putting together impromptu dinner parties is the most fun ever... (especially when you plan it at someone elses' home!) Like The. Most. Fun.  

7. I learned that saying Yes may stir up a bit of stress and doubt, but lean in... say it anyway... because IF: you do, then this can happen: (Did ya see what I did there?) So what if I seem to host Streaming Live events all the time... so what if every single time I sign up to do it, I doubt myself and I fear no one will come and then days out, it seems like no one really IS going to come and I will be in my home with too much yummy food and no one to share the event with, and then I am surprised that my living room is filled up and Community happens every. single. time. So what if I forget this ALL the TIME!  So - I have learned am learning... just do it scared. After all, Lisa-Jo says that Scared is the new Brave anyway!  So I did. I hosted an If:Local Gathering and we had such a powerful weekend!

Setting up for our If:Yakima local Gathering...

Ann Voskamp - bringing it like only she can!

I served Taco salad with all the fixings on Friday night for Dinner

(and on Saturday for lunch, since no one wanted to stop watching!)

Communion Elements for Friday night

Saturday morning kicks off with Breakfast and Worship...

The text from Girle after she had to leave for work...

Yeah... I sort of LOVE her!

...and her! (Sarah Bessey nailing it!)

Oh - and HER... and I Love her!

Jen Hatmaker was Amazing!

8. I learned how to Send it Anyway... I learned how to strap my iPhone to a tripod (with ponytail holders... because I am all high tech like that!) and try to make a video of myself talking and not seeming awkward and uncomfortable and not being able to photoshop myself or tweak the way my voice sounds or change - you know - everything and tape it again. Nope. I just did two takes and pressed send.  Hey - I'm all about being Authentic right... (and it's not like I was being Sacred Scared with no make-up... not that there's anything wrong with that...)

9. I learned to silence the fear of not belonging and get over the doubts just long enough to say Yes, to introduce myself, to send that application, to register and go anyway... I know you may not believe me, but I am shy.  I can be awkward and quiet and a little melt into the wall-ish... but only until I get to know you. Then... well... then you get this. So - there ya go... (I'm sorry!) I tend to back away, blend in, wait for someone ELSE to approach me, to introduce themselves.  I asked ya'll to pray with me last Fall... I wanted to let loose of my death grip on my comfort zone and start to cross the room.  So - I have been taking baby steps ever since. I applied to be part of a Book Launch team (See #10.), I registered for yet another Writers conference, I have been the first to hold out a hand, to cross a pew, to start up a conversation. And ya'll, I have said Yes to Lisa-Jo Baker a few times in the last couple of months alone... but really, look at her:

You would say yes too, right?  I hope so! If you would - there's still time to join us!  Check out what we are believing God for together by clicking over here at PureCharity.

10. Turns out... I have issues.  It's not that I am just NOW learning this, but it's that I thought I had laid down all my Idols already. I mean - sure, I pick them back up - but still... I like think I'm getting better freer.  I like to think I have cleaned out the dark corners of my heart to let Him live, but then Jennifer Lee goes and reminds me with her book that it's not me or what I do... it's not whether I am enough - but it's that HE is... He always, always is! And in Him, we are Preapproved!

So I applied and am on Book Launch Team for Love Idol, and we are leaning in, asking Him to do the work - to cleanse our hearts and wipe clean our slates.  We want to lay down every single idol, every single place/person/thing that we turn to for approval and validation... and we are naming them one by one come Wednesday and giving them up - not just for Lent, but hopefully for good! (So come on back in a few days... and we will see how I put a name or title on the things that He is showing me about my own heart.)

11. I (re)learned that I LOVE Google Hangouts with my writer friends... I have this amazing Community online... friends and fellow writers who balance real life and this crazy incredible online universe and once in awhile we like to see each others' faces and not just read each others' hearts.  We like to hear the musical tone of laughter and feel the rhythm of voice... and once in a great while, we remember that thanks to Skype or Facetime or Google Hangouts - we CAN!!! And then we DO!

12. I learned that not everyone loves a Bossy Day Planner... and most of those people I believe have not yet learned the Art of Scheduling a bit of Slow.  Our lovely hostess of this "Things I've Learned" link up posted last week about Slowing Down and it was such a great reminder. I learned this along the way, and sometimes forget and give in to Busy. But I have long been a scheduler of Slow. Right in the midst of my bossy day planner, I scratch out chunks of time to Slow. Sometimes it looks like a coffee or lunch date, or sometimes it is writing time. Often times it is left gloriously undefined, and those times? Those are when I find I am making art without even realizing it! There is a sweet full exhale in embracing Slow. 

It is much needed. I think it can really only be caught, invited in to, because trying to teach it in this world seems too abstract, too hard. And who has time for that? (Ya see what just happened there?)

I am Linking up with EMILY FREEMAN

Join us!

So what about you?  What have you learned in January or February?  

That Thing I Do Now - Vol 33

Happy Weekend, everyone!  I pray you had a full week and are ready for a little Slow Down... or at least a little Busy Of Your Own Choosing! 

That is ICE ya'll... and I am so over it!                          

I can only say this: I am SO READY for Spring, ya'll!
So. Ready.

Happy Reading!
Enjoy!

* This one by Cara Paiuk over at the Huffington Post with 40 Odd Things she's learned in 40 Odd years! SO Good! (I was going to give you a sampling - but I can't pick just one... they are all great things to learn and practice!)

* This post by my friend Tonya Salomons on the power of Benches. "It's there friend.  That bench that we've built together.  It may be a little snow-covered.  It may have seemed like the dark nights and mornings have hidden it from sight it, but it's there.  The sturdy boards rising like a worship out of the white, a testament to strength of the ties that built it."

* This post over at The Momastery in the Sacred Scared series featuring Shauna Neiquist and Sarah Bessey. We are all the same, and there is such freedom in remembering that! ”World changers show up, with their insecurity looming and their knees shaking – long before anybody gives them permission to show up.”

* This one from my sweet friend Alia Joy on Hope for the Weary... "And when you’re having those heavy soul days where nothing fits right and the measure of you is not enough, you’ll remember there are days of joy ahead. Days when the grey skies clear a bit and glory reigns down."

* Ya'll know I love me some Jennifer Dukes Lee... every week, she blesses me. She has this amazing book (non-affiliate link) coming out that I am honored to be reading a bit early and ya'll - you are going to want to get your hands and your heart all over this book! This post is the launching of the Love Idol Movement, where we are searching our hearts and asking God to reveal and help us remove any idols we have taken up, replacing His rightful place in our hearts. Next week, at the kick-off of Lent, we will be revealing what He is showing us... what thing(s) we are laying down, giving up, seeking freedom from. We'd love for you to join us! "What lies does your heart tell you? Whose approval do you seek? What love idols lurk in your precious soul?  Would you be willing to name it? Or him? Or her? Or them?  This is us, together, letting go of what (or whom) is claiming real-estate in our hearts — real estate that actually belongs to God.  This is about freedom coming."



* This piece over at Thinking Aloud by Heidi Stone on The Choices That Make Or Break Our Marriages. "We make little choices, all day long, to remember the gift of our companionship."



* This amazing post by Shannan Martin over at Flower Patch Farmgirl "I want what I want. I want my plans to succeed. I want to run shamelessly away from obedience then blame God for not running even faster. Here's my water, God. Turn me into wine.  It's no coincidence that I'm waging war with myself right now. The timing couldn't be better.  Though it's fighting to outlast my will, all clenched fists and gritting teeth, Winter's days are numbered. And with their end, Spring."



* This one by Deidre Riggs on How to Beat That Symphony of Negativity "I truly have to  fight (and I do mean fight) to keep my head above the litany of naysaying that often unleashes itself in my heart and mind."

* This post right HERE from Abiding Love, Abounding Grace where I share about my passion and the new ways I am using the Power to Choose. "We have the power to choose... when all of their power is stripped away. They are locked up, locked in, no choice offered, no way out.  But if we choose wisely - to awaken, to open our eyes and reach out our hands... we can hand out hope."

Lastly... A video... because that is how we do! (do do, do do...) Sometimes it is a funny... sometimes it is a worship song, or a short interview - but we always like to wrap this Thing up with a little something to look at. 

...and this... well - this is something to see:

Yeah... you just can't unsee that! 



What did I miss? Did you find anything Amazing online this week that I didn't list here? As usual, link it in the comments and share the love!