January 10, 2012

Pregnant... are YOU?

I'm not even sure where to start with this post...

I suppose I will start with a simple statement I made about 2 months ago... seemingly out of the blue. Once it left my lips however - I knew it carried some Holy Spirit weight and it so affected the very atmosphere in which we were sitting that my little family of 3 all felt a shift. I don't even know WHY I said it... I really don't know much about Heidi Baker or her ministry or life. I was on my computer and I must have run across a photo of her or something - and I looked at my husband and daughter sitting near me on a couch and I said, "I don't know WHAT would happen if I ever met Heidi Baker... but I know that everything would be different!" It didn't even really feel or sound like me as it was coming out... and it took us all 3 by surprise. In fact, my husband sort of laughed nervously and shifted in his seat and our daughter immediately started to tear up and said, "I don't want you guys to move to another country!" We all just sort of soaked in the electric energy of the moment and awkwardly shrugged it off. (Side note - my daughter really doesn't have a clue who Heidi Baker is - and she had no knowledge of what she did or that she even lived in another country!)

That was two months ago... we brought it up one time - and it charged the air around us once again. To be honest - the thought both excites and terrifies me. The one thing I know about 'Momma Heidi' is that she SO exudes the love of Christ- he drips out of her wherever she goes!

OK - fast forward to Christmas time. My husband and I are attending SOAR - a satellite school of Bethel Supernatural School of Ministry and we were having our Christmas Party. The leaders decided it would be fun to do this little prophetic exercise at the party that they do in Redding and had everyone bring a couple of magazine and some scissors. Our 'assignment' was to pray - page through some magazines and cut out words and/or pictures that God highlights to you... glue them on a piece of paper and when you are all done, turn it over - find the name and take it to the person whom you made this collage for. Fun... no pressure... and a safe place. If it makes since - great... if not - well - we are all just learning. I think it is safe to say that at least one thing on everyone's collages spoke to them or made an impact. It was a fun little activity and I am sure I will do it again soon with my kids or with my girlfriends!

The man who had made my collage slowly approached me and he opened with: "Don't be offended... but could you be pregnant?" This - you have to know - is a very funny statement! This has not been possible for some time now and it is definitely not in the realm of something I am wanting or praying for - what-so-ever! So I dismissed it and he recovered by saying maybe it is just because I love life... (My collage had "Celebration of Life" all along the top!) There were a few other very great words/pictures that really did seem prophetic and confirming! All in all - I didn't give his opening question another thought! I should include just a little TMI... I am a 26 day girl... I could tell you almost down to the hour of the start of my cycle. I was supposed to start my cycle in the afternoon - of the day of the party but I hadn't yet. I didn't really give it too much thought until I was nearly 4 days late... then I remembered that question. So I spent a few days concerned and just a little bit mad at God. I didn't really notice it in the beginning, but I had stopped talking to Him. I just wanted Him to fix it... I didn't want Him to give me His opinion or plan - I just wanted what I wanted on my terms. Yes - I realize the irony of this with the timing of the season of Mary saying whatever be Thy will and all... I am no Mary - this is for sure! We are nearing the new season of having an empty nest and I saw absolutely no humor in this. After a few MORE days... He pointed out to me that I was ignoring Him. It was as if my ignoring Him would manipulate Him into doing my will. I know this is NOT so... not healthy - and I would not advise taking this route with your relationship with the Lord. I am also aware that this makes me seem maybe a little (or a lot) spoiled. I have a very close relationship with God... He is especially fond of me... I can't help it! Anyway - once I realized this, I decided that maybe the next day I would talk with Him! I went to bed and told Him, "OK Lord... I am not really wanting to talk but if You have something to say about this, You can wake me up and I will spend time with You and listen."

You see, for about 16 years now - we have an ongoing date. When He wakes me up at exactly 3:33am - I get up and spend time with Him. It is my ongoing Jeremiah 33:3 Wake Up call. So - of course, you know He woke me up at 3:33 and I crawled out of bed reluctantly... sat in my chair and got out my journal. I was honest with Him and said I would listen - but I wasn't happy and I didn't know that I would want to talk. I told Him I knew that if I was in fact pregnant - that He would change my heart and I would be happy about it... but it was not something I was secretly wanting or anything.

Immediately - He began to speak... I will simply type out what is in my journal:

"I am over a week late and I am starting to freak out. Now I know with my age (41) and Dave's surgery (12+ years ago) it's most likely NOT a pregnancy, but more in line with a hormonal/menopausal shift. Yet still - the stress and anxiety has been high. Kayelyn is 16... we are slowly adjusting to the fact that one day in the not too distant future, she will not live with us. We are sad and excited about that - but never once have we regretted our choice to have just one. So - after a few days of not giving it much thought... then a few more days of pleading to start, I just stopped talking to God. I know, as if the silent treatment from me would get Him to move? I had realized that I was doing this and that I was a little mad at Him for allowing this to happen in the first place. I wanted Him to 'fix' it and let my cycle start and we could just continue on. I still want that... but I did apologize and repent... and I told Him He could wake me up if He had something to say. So - here it is 4am and He is chatty.

He said He has gifted me to be a nurturer... He's anointed me to be a spiritual mother to the nations... that I 'mother' whoever He puts in front of me - no matter the age or situation. He asked me what is another word for being pregnant? "Expecting"... He said He wants me to be expecting in 2012. He is going to birth some things and while His grace covers and my 'flesh' will know instinctively what to do - it will take some focus and laboring to deliver it. He said my recent statement about meeting Heidi Baker was a true statement. She is a spiritual mother. He said the things (specifically my call to write - but other things as well) that I have put on the shelves will come to pass/or come into play in 2012!"

Sooo.... wow! Funny how after all the stress - the call to be a 'spiritual mother to the nations' (whatever THAT is?) still seemed so much easier/better than actually having to BE pregnant? It turns out that I am - in fact - NOT pregnant! I took a home test and a couple of days later my cycle started but this seed is now planted in me... I spent New Years Day morning with Him as is my tradition and He gave me a prophetic word for 2012 that lines up perfectly with this word He gave me personally!

I believe that God is raising up Mothers to supernaturally nurture those who are needing to be loved on and brought into an understanding of who they are and the plans that He has for them! There is a company of women rising...

So - what are you pregnant with this year? What are YOU expecting? Pray and ask Him to show you what He has in store for you this year!

Pregnant with Hope,


  1. I just wanted to hit the "like" button! Love you sis!

  2. In March 2011, a woman walked up to me at a retreat and told me I was going to birth nations. I hadnt really soaked it in as the next 12 months I was surrounded by death and new life was not sonething I thought much about. After my 58 year old mom died of cancer on Sept 11, 2011, I took some time to grieve her loss and her decision to not fight. In April 2012, I started coming back to life, but rhe Satanic coven ib our little country town stepped up there game and we (my family of 5) have been on high alert in prayer and overcoming any fear.
    Then in August of 2012, the Lord told us to, put our 2 younger kids in public school, I have homeschooled them for years. My oldest 16 started public school as a sophmore so he could play football. My younger 2 are 13 and almost 11. The Lord also told us to leave the safety and comfort of our beloved church family ib Fresno and go to a dying Baptist church in our little country town,just outside of thr city.
    2011 the Lord always woke me up to fight... The spirit of death, depression, anger and to alert me of the witches that were parked in front of my house. As we fought abd overcame fear, the Lord told me in a dream that a coven was 2 blocks away. So we prayed and prayed and prayed. They stopped coming.
    So now, I am waking up at 4 am, the atmoshere is differenr and it does nor seem necessary to battle, but to relate with my Lord. I generally stay in bed and just pray. But today, I felt I needed to seek out, via Google, other prophetic 4am insights.
    I have read several this morning. All relevant and confirming to so many things the Lord has been showing my husband and I. When I read your, the Lord reminded me of the word spoken over me as a woman who is birthing nations. I still have not been given total insight as to what that looks like, but know it has to do with the nutuing spirit.
    I want to confirm to you today that you Father is giving you a spirit like Dorcus, full of faith and fire. To your husband, I see boldness exude from him, but in a meek way. Like in the Chronickes of Narnia when the boy Peter had to rise up as king, but in his lack of kbowledge and experience, had meekness wrought in him. Your daughteri see Lucy, young, but faitful to God to the core. I hear her saying in her heart, "I will follow you Lord, to the ends of the earth."
    I was blessed by your heart. I am not sure why I felt compelled to write and share what is going on with us. I do know that perhaps in the words of being pregnant or "expecting" , I wanted to ubite with someone who has like annointing to birth and mother a lost generation.
    May the Spirit of the Lord be upon you my sister.
    From California

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.


Thanks so much for stopping by! I always love to hear your thoughts! Remember to: Speak Life - Be Love - Shine On!

Blog Archive