October 29, 2018

TWENTY NINE of 31 Days of Becoming Queen of Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

Tips on Being Kind...

I know?!  It doesn't seem like we should need this, right?

I mean... Kindness is always a good idea and it seems like we should have a running list of ideas on how to show kindness to family and friends and strangers alike! 

We have been talking all month long on how to become queens and kings of giving the benefit of the doubt and a huge part of this journey is simply remembering to be kind.  Some of the best ways have already been covered here! However, I thought maybe I could get us started on some fun ideas and then, my hope is, you can add to the list in the comments below!

Kindness simply means: 
"the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate."
See? This should be easy... Being friendly, generous, and considerate should be a no-brainer! 

It's the following through and actually DOING it that can be slow to start! 

But once we do, well --we find how simple it really is and how much of a difference it really can make!

If you can encourage someone, or improve their day, in a matter of seconds or minutes, why wouldn't you? 

We are called to be like Jesus... to represent Him in how we live, and move, and have our being... so being kind should simply be the overflow of how we go about our days! 

Jesus was (is!) so relational... so full of love and joy and hope! It's not that He didn't see or know the darkness and heaviness pressing in, it's that He chose to focus on the light --to call it forth! And He did it with kindness.

Maybe you remember the Random Acts of Kindness movement back in the day. It was a challenge that went out to encourage people to think of creative ways to be kind!

I think we are in need of a revival! (In Kindness, sure... but also, you know, an old school actual Revival, too! Maybe if we start with Kindness, the rest will follow?)

So what follows is just a starting off point... 

We are pretty big around here on the Five Love Languages and being kind is simply showing love... so knowing the Love Language that your close family and friends speak will naturally give you some good ideas on how to be kind in a way that they will notice and feel loved! So - in full disclosure, our little family all share a fluency in Words of Affirmation. I only say this because it may quickly become evident!

I will list a few ideas on how to be kind and then, for real, I would LOVE for you to jump in on the Comments below and share some of your own tips! 


Being Kind... to your spouse/significant other:

PRAY over/for/WITH them... and Communicate! This is the kindest thing you can do! Keep communication open... (all too   often we make up stories around what we said or not said, done or not done... it creates a   sense of distance that almost always isn't even there!)

Send a text or hide a note (or several!) that they will find randomly during the day. 

Pick them up a coffee or beverage and drop it off at work.

Do one or more of 'their' chores for them without being asked.

Brag on them to friends and family... (They can be there... but they don't have to be!)

Ask them about their day (and focus purely on them... no screens around to distract!)

Initiate. (Enough said.)

Tell them what they are doing right... and let that be the end of the conversation!

If they are an Introvert... plan a special day accordingly.  f they are an Extrovert... same thing!

Make their favorite meal, or dessert, or order their favorite take-out!

Being Kind... to your kids (at any age):

Pray over/for/WITH them... and Communicate throughout the day! Make sure your heart to heart connection stays intact!

Tell them how proud you are of them.

Hide a note in their backpack or lunchbox or coat pocket,
  telling them how much you love them or encouraging them in something school-related.

Pick them up with a treat on hand (Hot chocolate, coffee, cookies, etc.)

Apologize when necessary! Let them know you are human, too!

Let them pick the movie and watch it together.

Figure out what makes them laugh... and then do it... often!

Go for a walk or bike ride with them... 

Ask them questions about their day. Ask them how they feel and then, just listen without offering advice (unless asked for, of course!)

Let them help plan the next family vacation... get input and ideas from them!

Being Kind... to your extended family:

Stay in touch through the mail, email, texts, or phone calls... life is busy but Family matters!

Plan a reunion... in person is best of course, but if you can't do that --plan a Facetime or Google HangOut together online!

Send a gift, just because... not everyone can commit to sending birthday gifts or holiday presents especially as our families grow up and move away, but to send a little something just because lets them know you were thinking of them and makes them feel special! (It doesn't have to be an expensive gift... it could be a tea they always like or a candy bar you used to share as kids, etc.!)

Pass on the family stories to your own kids... talk about your growing up years so your kids learn about the extended family, too!

If a relative is sick or just crazy busy, send a meal through the mail via the internet, a gift card, or a meal delivery place!

Being Kind... to your Co-workers:

Two words: Donut day.

Write a positive note about them and cc: it to their boss and/or Personnel.

Pitch in to help if you have a clean desk and someone else has a deadline fast approaching.

Order lunch to be delivered as a treat - whether it's just so busy no one can take a real break, or it's just Winter and no one wants to leave the office!

Help to improve your work environment... offer to walk out with a late worker after dark, come early and make sure the sidewalks aren't icy and the coffee is on, stock the break room with healthy snacks and drinks on occasion! 

Being Kind... to your friends:
(Really?  Do you need ideas here? I mean... they are your friends... 
this should come easily enough!)

Being Kind... to your neighbors:

Welcome new neighbors to the area with cookies or muffins or fruit (like in the olden days!)

Host a block party or football game watching party or ice cream social or game night/potluck and invite everyone --or if that is too much, invite one or two over for coffee or tea!

Offer to help if they need it (from yard work to garbage cans to getting mail or newspaper if   they're going away on vacation)

Create a gathering space in the front yard (i.e. Turquoise Table or a Bench)

Deliver goodies on a holidays door to door and make face to face contact to say Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas in person.

Being Kind... to your city/town leaders:

Tell them you are praying for them... (as in --send them a Thank You card with a written prayer and let them know you will continue praying for them!)

Speak well of your city/town... highlight the things that are GOOD and that are going WELL in your community! Focus on the good and praise those things will praying about the things that are not good or are not going well! Speak Life over your city!

Buy coffee or donuts and deliver them to the Police Station, a Fire Station, a Hospital or clinic for the staff, etc.

Ask Pastors of various churches in your town via a phone call, email, or face to face visit, how you can be praying for them and for their church!

Vote. (For real... it matters!) And if your candidate doesn't win, or issue doesn't pass... pray for the ones who 'won' and stay positive while being active in bringing about the changes you think are needed!

Being Kind... to strangers all around you:

Make Eye Contact... and SMILE! Easy Peasy... and it's SO needed! (Pay attention to your Resting Face and maybe try to intentionally make sure it doesn't look like you are mad!)

Pay Compliments... yes, to strangers! Is someone having a great hair day --TELL THEM!  Do you love her outfit? Say so!  Does he look like he's a great Dad? Encourage him! Are her kids melting down and she looks tired but you know it's a season and she appears to be mothering well? For goodness sake, SAY IT OUT LOUD (and buy her some chocolate or a coffee or both!)

Offer to take their Shopping Cart back for them... or reach something on the top shelf that they can't get... or let them get in front of you at check out since they only have a few items... You get the idea! Small acts of kindness... they add up!

Pay it Forward... whether it is paying for the coffee order of the car behind you in the Starbucks line, or paying for the dinner bill of the family sitting near you at the restaurant... do a RAK for someone just because... chances are good it will bless them and brighten up their day (and maybe even their hope in humanity, too!)

Pray for them... if you notice someone is having a bad day or acting out or melting down or just seems sad or overwhelmed or sick... pray for them. You can do it on your own, under your breath... that totally counts!  OR - you can take a risk, and approach them and just let them know that you noticed that they seem (fill in the blank nicely!) and ask if you can pray for them and then actually do it - right there on the spot. Keep it short and sweet. You don't have to share the Gospel... you don't have to have chapter and verse memorized... just share the LOVE that compels you as you pray for them and leave the rest up to Him!


So there you have it! 

These are some great starting off points to add to your everyday life to extend the grace of Being Kind to those all around you!

Tomorrow we will share some great links and inspiration that will help us to continue putting this habit of extending grace and the benefit of the doubt into practice!

I hope you will join us... and come on by to add your own links in the comments tomorrow to help us build a great resource here for when Life gets Hard and we don't WANT to be the Queen!

Today is Day Twenty Nine of 31 Days of Becoming Queen of Giving the Benefit of the Doubt! If you click over to the official Homepage' for this series, you can go HERE and catch up! You will find links for each days' postings, added daily throughout the month. If you'd prefer to have them delivered right to you, I invite you to enter your email address to the right ('Subscribe Here') and subscribe to the blog. That way, once a week, each post is delivered to your inbox in a single email over the weekend and you'll be sure not to miss a thing!


  1. I just found my way here from Twitter... such a delightful and practical list! I love the idea of having a neighbor gathering place in the front yard. (I'd probably have to talk to my landlord about that one though, haha)

    1. Oh Jen... there is a whole movement called #frontyardpeople and it started with The Turquoise Table! If you've never heard of it, check it out! There is a book by that title, and a podcast! Thanks so much for stopping by! You are welcome here any time!

    2. The Turquoise Table matches your website colors. LOL!

      I just heard about that and it sounds wonderful!

  2. Love these ideas! Sending fun mail! Sending a gift to a friend to let them know you are thinking of them. I just bought my friend Leslye a necklace that said "Faith over Fear" that I gifted to her after the unexpected death of her husband. I loved surprising her with it. And it's prob no surprise I'm a giver according to Dukes Lees the happiness dare!

    1. LOVE your additional ideas, my friend! xoxo

  3. These ideas are practical and honoring. Love your post.

    1. Thanks so much! I wanted them to be doable on any budget or calendar/schedule!


Thanks so much for stopping by! I always love to hear your thoughts! Remember to: Speak Life - Be Love - Shine On!

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