October 24, 2018

DAY TWENTY FOUR of 31 Days of Becoming Queen of Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

The Follow Through of
Making Amends!

This week we have already covered big topics like the importance of forgiveness and also the need for healing prayer (for ourselves and for those who have hurt us.) 

Today, I want to touch on the idea of making amends but I want to be clear from the very beginning: this is not always required or even advised.  

While our God is a God of relationships and He wants us to live in Community and unity... while He does graft us into the family, He doesn't always insist on us making amends with broken relationships --especially if they have included unhealthy boundaries or abuse.

Of course --the verse that I immediately think of is found in Romans 12:18 and reads:

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." (NASB)
In The Passion Translation, it says to "Do your best to live as everybody's friend." and in The Message, it reads, "If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody."

Sometimes we are called to work at repairing that relationship after forgiveness has begun its work, and the ministry of making amends must begin. 

Sometimes, however, I don't have it in me! 

Now, God can help me to do it... to tap in to His peace and His love and I can do it. But there are also times that God gives us peace after we have done the forgiving (because, as we discussed in an earlier post --that is required!) and He frees us to let go and move on without making amends!
We've heard it said some people come into our lives for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. 

This sounds so easy peasy, but often times we can't know what category a friend is supposed to fit into. I think we'd like to assume they are all 'for a lifetime' friends, but we know as adults now that those are rare and blessed, indeed! 

Making Amends should be our first attempt after forgiveness has been offered.  Making amends simply means recompense or to compensate or make up for a wrongdoing. So to make amends, this means we own up to our part of the problem. 

We admit that we were wrong or, at the very least, that we used some of the tools we have covered earlier in this series like ascribing intent or jumping to conclusions, etc. 

But along with forgiveness is repentance and if that hasn't happened, that makes drawing and keeping healthy boundaries difficult. 

And here's the reality: I can, as The Passion put it, do my best to live as everybody's friend but this doesn't mean that everybody is going to like me... or want to be my friend. And this is OK! (I repeat this to my Enneagram 2 self often!)

I simply do my best to be friendly... but we can't MAKE relationships work if everyone isn't willing to put in some effort to repair the broken and busted up parts! 

We can offer amends, and maintain an open-handed, open-hearted desire for restoration... but, as Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock said in the 80's, "It takes two to make a thing go right!" 

Listen... this is where I get real honest here. 

We have been in a hard season of letting go and we are covenant people and we long for connections that really WILL last a lifetime.  We are actually blessed with many and so without realizing it, we can get greedy in wanting them all to be that way! 

When we say yes, we usually just assume it's a yes forever... but we know God better than that and we know He moves in seasons and He moves US in seasons, but can I tell you? It's been painful... and a little lonely... and giving the benefit of the doubt and listening to Him when He says to stay or when He says to go --it's not easy.

We have walked this series out in the flesh over the last few years and this whole Making Amends part is important and we want to...  but we have felt the Lord set a boundary for us and tell us to wait... the ball is not in our court and so we have had to move from making amends to letting go... 

And sometimes that happens... sometimes we do what we know to do and leave the rest of it in His hands!  We live at peace as much as it depends on us, and we recognize that the rest is not our call!

So once you have offered forgiveness and grace and prayed for healing and made amends --even if just between you and God... the next step really is the letting go!

For tomorrows' post, we will go "Frozen" and talk about the practice of Let(ting) It Go!

Today is Day Twenty Four of 31 Days of Becoming Queen of Giving the Benefit of the Doubt! If you click over to the official Homepage' for this series, you can go HERE and catch up! You will find links for each days' postings, added daily throughout the month. If you'd prefer to have them delivered right to you, I invite you to enter your email address to the right ('Subscribe Here') and subscribe to the blog. That way, once a week, each post is delivered to your inbox in a single email over the weekend and you'll be sure not to miss a thing!


  1. Great post about making amends. Such a relief once we do because then it's the sign that we have truly forgiven. Excited to hear tomorrow's news too. Love the FROZEN theme. Both of my princess granddaughters have loved that song (to a fault at times). You're finishing strong - for sure!

    1. Thanks so much, Karen! (We're not done yet... LOL! But I knew this week would be the heaviest hitting!) Thanks for joining me on this journey!

  2. Kartilee, this is so good. I have needed this series so much as I’ve experienced hurt that I never imagined. And I am working on forgiveness. Making amends has to come, I know this. In the mean time, I’ve learned that even if it’s hard to love - even like - someone, we are obligated to pray for them. Thank you for your words of truth and encouragement.

    1. It's so hard when Jesus just made it so crystal clear in the Word, isn't it? I mean... He isn't really asking, right? But HE enables and comes alongside and helps us to the hard and holy work of forgiveness and --when possible-- making amends! I am praying for you and am so glad you are finding this series helpful! xoxo

  3. There are so many parts of this post that I identify with.
    "... we long for connections that really WILL last a lifetime. We are actually blessed with many and so without realizing it, we can get greedy in wanting them all to be that way!" GUILTY as charged.

    This is my reality too right now - "but we have felt the Lord set a boundary for us and tell us to wait... the ball is not in our court and so we have had to move from making amends to letting go."

    It is painful and yet there IS PEACE. Thank you, Lord.

    Thanks you, Karrilee, for sharing this today.

    1. Yes and Amen, my kindred friend! Painful... yet healing and freeing at the same time! And SO very thankful for His gift of Peace! Bless you, friend, as you walk this journey, too!

  4. Loved the Enneagram 2 nod....and I'm right there with you! And I think I'm falling more and more in love with the Passion translation. Might have to get myself a copy.

    1. LOL! (From one 2 to another, right?) And OH MY YES!!! The Passion is amazing! At the VERY least, get Psalms... but if you can swing it --but all that is available so far! It's ALL so good! xoxo


Thanks so much for stopping by! I always love to hear your thoughts! Remember to: Speak Life - Be Love - Shine On!

Blog Archive