April 14, 2015

When a Writer's Conference Connects More Than Writers and Opens More Than Doors... (Part One)

I got home on Sunday. It's Tuesday night now.

I'm not sure how all of my feelings are feeling which may mean that I shouldn't be writing yet, but here I sit in front of a mocking blank screen.

No words.

Filled up but not overflowing after attending the Faith and Culture Writers Conference in Portland, OR again this year.  Eventually, I know I will have to exhale... to breathe on my own again and to 'feel all of my feelings and see how we're doing' as Jen Hatmaker would say. But I'm not letting my bossy schedule rush the process.

So I sit... staring down this blinking cursor, wondering "What. is. the. deal y'all?"

Honestly, I'm still not sure. Something.
The deal is something.  

It's part confirmation and part challenge.

It's part Hallelujah and part Holy Crap

It's part what I expected, and part I had no idea




It's a deep work, and I refuse to hurry it up. 

Instead, I am trying to give it a little space and room to breathe on its' own.  

It feels like some things are dying... but new life is rising up to take its' rightful place!

To be honest, that sort of scares me. So it just figures that I am headed out to Jumping Tandem in about two weeks, because of course! Maybe that is where it will all come together and I will know... or at least get a glimpse... of what it all means.

For now, I could tell you how awesomely incredible Faith and Culture was... and that would be true and Truth and it always is! It is stretching and welcoming and inclusive and full of my people - some of whom I knew were mine ahead of time, and some of whom I didn't have a clue... but this conference, more than any other I have attended - this conference sets the table and invites everyone in and we find that, for real, we are one Body and one Bride and we are brothers and sisters and we are so for each other that it is breathtaking... it is heaven on earth... it is Kingdom and this - this is why He came, and this is why I go.

I could tell you all of that.

Or I could tell you of all the people that came close, poured out, hugged hard, prayed into, and lifted up... all of the speakers and session leaders, the volunteers and the worship team - every person who rolled up sleeves and worked behind the scenes and in front of a mic and made it seem flawless and, well --easy. I could name drop... I could do that.

But while I know I took pages and pages of notes and yet not one selfie with my tribe, and I know that I tweeted all the one liners and the messages seeped down deep, at this point - I only truly know one thing

Just one thing that I see fruit from already... and if this is all I get to know that I know... Sweet Jesus - it is enough!

The main thing that I know for sure at this point is this little (read: big) thing that happened off to the side in the pre-conference mini-workshop. It kept unfolding through out the weekend, and God kept connecting dots and shifting things around and by the time I got back home, it all led to a conversation that is even now reverberating Healing and Grace back through the years and oh my goodness, who gets the credit for that other than God?

Through out the conference the messages all overlapped and rang out: Your story matters!  Every speaker said it clear that we must know who we are and write from our true identity, use our own voice.  

This is my passion and my heart and I believe this with all of my being.  This is my message and purpose.

But here's the deal:

We always only know in part.  

We are all still becoming... so we are all still learning who we are because if we are still here sucking in air, we are still a work in progress and He is still at work in us and through us making us into who He created and intended for us to be.  
We can think that we know who we are and we can have a pretty good grasp on that, but our God is so in love with us. What He is always wanting for us is more freedom. More... not less. And sometimes we don't even know that we are bound... or that we are repeating a cycle that carries a heavy weight, that breaks and binds and bends down low.

But He is the burden bearer and the One who breaks the chains... He is the One who lifts us up, not bogs us down.



He is the One who sets us free and sets our feet to dancing.

He is the One who connects the dots and opens hearts to healing... all on the road to freedom... all on the road to becoming more and more who He made us to be!

Check back in a day or two for Part Two, as I write out what it was specifically that He revealed and how it is unfolding and raining down Glory that is doing a deeper work... how at first glance, from this side of healing, it seemed like no big deal. However, anything that repeats itself in tying us down or holding us back... anything that can build a wall or create a gap... well-- the shadows of Grace both tear down and build up as the Son is beckoning us to dance in to Freedom. We all have a Freedom dance inside of us, and He is reaching out for us to just. start. moving!

Until then, remember to:


P.S.  I'm linking up with these lovely writers:

The Community over at #Small Wonders 

Holly Barrett for #TestimonyTuesday


Kelly Balarie for #RaRaLinkUp

Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory

30 comments :

  1. Karrilee,
    Woot! I will meet you in a few weeks at JT Retreat :-) Thanks for taking the time to slow and to be open to God leading you into greater freedom through what you experienced at your Portland conference...sounds like it was a deep and wonderful experience. Blessings as you process.

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    1. Oh Dolly - I am so excited to meet in person! Thanks for always creating space to process out and breathe in deep!

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  2. This: "But here's the deal - we always only know in part. We are all still becoming... so we are all still learning who we are..." This kept me from writing my story for the longest time, but in the past few months God has impressed on my heart that this is exactly why I must write my story: because it's in the small glimmers of what God is doing in our lives, how He fashions beauty from pain, how He faithfully continues even when we're unfaithful, that He gets glory as we share our testimonies. The not-perfect, the un-flattering, yet the totally God-honoring moments of saying, "He is faithful. I'm not sure how this is going to end, but it's going to be ok because He's got me."

    I'll be praying for you these next few days as you process and pray through what the Spirit is revealing to you. Can't wait to read part 2!

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    1. I adore you so, sweet friend - and I am so thankful for your prayers!

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  3. Thanks for linking up today, Karrilee. What a gift to be able to attend those conferences! I too feel a change coming on, something new that I cannot see while waiting here in the early stages. So we wait and take it slow and stare at the page. Blessings in the weeks ahead!

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    1. Amen! There IS a change coming... Waiting with you, friend!

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  4. Ah, the last post I read was also about the same conference! I'm getting conference envy ;). But seriously--I'm so glad that you had some breakthroughs and were able to enjoy and grow and stretch and be with people who lifted you up!

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    1. Amen! It's funny because it was not a heavy conference at all - and I didn't really notice or feel too much shifting at the time but now that I am home and maybe processing all that was said in relation to regular life and not just conference life - it's deeper... it's good, but it's stretching more than I anticipated! ;)

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  5. Oh Karrilee! I had to chuckle when I dropped over here and read your post. I chuckled because you know exactly what I was talking about in my post this week - about how sometimes we just don't have words. I am very excited to see what God is unfolding in your life. Sometimes His work is so "big" we can't find words - and sometimes we just have to let ourselves experience that spiritual hush in our souls - especially when it happens on the brink of a leap of faith. This is where I sense you are right now. How exciting!!

    Remember always this: My story, His glory.

    And part of us telling our story is God's working to reveal it fully to us.

    GOD BLESS!

    (I've added you to my blog roll so I can keep up with you on a regular basis!)

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    1. Sharon... you are so right... we are definitely at a Leap of Faith brink and we are leaning in and breathing deep... preparing to leap, but not wanting to get out ahead of Him! It can be tricky business, for sure! So thankful that we are neighbors and have crossed paths!

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  6. It's part confirmation and part challenge.

    It's part Hallelujah and part Holy Crap.

    It's part what I expected, and part I had no idea.

    Of course the middle line got me laughing into the next section and then it got real serious! Sounds glorious and I'll look forward to part 2!

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    1. LOL! Well - I am nothing if not open and honest, right? So glad it made you laugh... and happy to hear that you will be with me for Part 2!

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  7. I just can't do it.
    Seriously...
    It is IMPOSSIBLE to read ANY of your posts without laughing out loud at least once and feeling your lips curl into a smile...a few times!
    Oh how BADLY I want to attend a writing conference! How AMAZING it would be to meet this group, these amazing bloggers I already feel so close to through words...but to see them there in the flesh...that would be my Holy Crap moment!
    I am reading this going..."Oh my goodness...God, what are you doing through her? Is it JUST beginning>" Literally...I feel through your words excitement, passion, freedom and a bright, clear vision. All I can say is THANK GOD I get to be along for the ride!!!!! I really want to meet you one day...and we will...oh WE WILL :)

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    1. Oh we will, my friend! We WILL meet in real life one day, I'm sure of it! I am oh so very thankful for you Bethany! For your inspiration and encouragement and just the kindred sister heart that you are! One day, my friend! One day!

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  8. Oh friend! I am with Susan..that part Hallelujah, part Holy Crap line got me giggling and laughing. Yet in the midst of the laughter, I know there is so much truth in those words. I get it my friend. I don't always know what God is up to but God always knows. That is the scary part isnt it. I think of Jacob wrestling with God. We all have had our own moments of wrestling with God too havent we? And um THESE WORDS "But here's the deal - we always only know in part. We are all still becoming... so we are all still learning who we are..." YES!!!! I am now singing the Jason Gray song "Remind Me Who I Am" Love you so much friend!!

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    1. And I love you right back!!! Seriously... you don't even know! (And it's always nice to know that other people know that I am funny! ;) I mean --I-- know, of course, but it's nice to know that it translates!)

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  9. If I understand correctly, one of your main points is that God is calling us to freedom and it affects our writing. This happened to me last fall when I attended a Cleansing Stream Seminar which was the catalyst to more freedom in Him and I noticed my writing flows more freely. Am I on the right track? It must have been wonderful to attend a writer's conference. I'm looking forward to Part Two.

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    1. Yes and Amen! You are on the right track! When we know who we are, and that Christ has set us free for freedoms' sake... we partner more easily with the Holy Spirit in our writing... and in our living! Thanks so much for stopping by! Hoping to write out Part Two soon so check back in a day or two!

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  10. I'm starting to feel a wave of a theme here, Karrilee! I just downloaded a book, I think Lisa from Lisa Notes recommended it, Pray Write Grow: Cultivating Prayer and Writing Together by Ed Cyzewski. I haven't gotten into it yet but it's calling.... So glad He's moving you toward something faith-filled in your writing. So exciting. Looking forward to part two!

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    1. I am so glad you mentioned that book because I bought the e-version about a month ago and completely forgot about that! I will move it towards the top of my stack and dig in to it in this season as well! My writing has always been faith filled because that is pretty much what I write about - everyday life, living out our faith... but there is a shift for sure and I think it has more to do with the living out than the writing down, but they always seem to overlap don't they? Thanks so much for stopping by June! Working on Part Two this morning!

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  11. I love to think that he is our burden bearer. He carried it all. Thank you Karrilee for driving this point home in my heart. He is always willing and ready to bear it. Praising God for the truth he showed you. Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.

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  12. Sometimes i feel stuck and don't have anything to look at but a blank screen. And then something small or big happens and inspires me again. Thanks for sharing what you learned from the conference. I have been trying to decide if I should take the plunge and go to a conference in September. Looks like I will learn more than I expect and it will be worth it.

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    1. Oh Amanda... it WILL be worth it! And chances are really really really good that it will teach you more than writing skills! I hope you go... and soak in all that He has for you!

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  13. I have read much from several who share your post-conference enthusiasm. I SO want to attend that conference next year!

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    1. Oh Lisa... if you can swing it... you totally should! It's like no other conference! xoxo

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  14. I'll be seeing you at Jumping Tandem, too! YaY!

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    1. Yay is right! In less than two weeks now, too! I can't wait!

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  15. Your words today are God speaking directly into my heart. The story, the feelings, the uncertainty sums up where I am right now. A crossroads of an ending and a beginning, a desire for so much more but the fear that more will be BIG! I thank you for this chance to learn more about myself and am going to check out part 2!!! Blessed you linked up at The Weekend Brew.

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    1. Oh Sweet Mary --know that I am praying for you! I know well the balance act between scary and exciting... between willing and hesitation! The back and forth pull between hoping to say yes, and yet wanting to know more first! ;) You, me - us - we are in good company but the best news of all is this: No matter what He is calling you to - He can be trusted! Love you, friend! I hope you were able to read Part 2 and allow His work to continue! xoxo

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Thanks so much for stopping by! I always love to hear your thoughts! Remember to: Speak Life - Be Love - Shine On!
~Karrilee~

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